In the end

Break up

I woke up with a pounding headache. Oh my god what the hell happened last night. I sat up in the bed I was laying in and rubbed my head. I saw Devon sleeping in the bed across from mine. Shit that party was crazy.

I got up and decided to go to the bathroom. After I went I looked in the Mirror, some of my makeup was smudged down my face like I was crying. Than it hit me. Fuck! Fuck! God damn it! Josh and I broke up. I began freaking out. I ran to my phone to look at the messgaes. He said we can talk it out when I understand him. I have to text him I love him. This is all so stupid.
---TEXT---
'Josh are we ok..?" 

'Amanda, you fucked up and I'm over it.. You don't understand me and you never will you said you don't want to be with me if I'm like this so were not together.. Figure out how to be a woman in a relationship and than come talk to me.'

'I want to talk, I want to work this out josh please!'

'Idk Amanda, bye.'

Ugh god why Josh why! I'm so upset with myself I don't know what I did wrong. I tired to calm muskeg down by going on my phone. I looked at my snapchat and I saw this selfie with me and this guy. Oh my god. Tears filled my eyes. I'm such a fucken whore. We hooked up. what the fuck is with me. God damn it.

I have to get to Josh I need to talk to him. Maybe today isn't a good idea.. He needs time to breath. We just need a day of us thinking.. I mean I hope he wants me again. I can't see myself without him.

I decided to take a shower, so I did than I got changed in a pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt I brought. I put my hair in to a bun and I sat back on the bed. It's 1pm Devon needs to get his ass up I need a ride back to my car so I can go home and cry my face off. I threw my pillow at him and he woke up.

"Ugh what time is it?"

"One o'clock  get up, I need a ride back to my car, I want to go home!" I relied.

"Why what's wrong?"

"Josh and I broke up last night and I hooked up with someone, and I didn't want to I feel so bad, we didn't have sex but still I just can't.. We were broken up once it happens but still I can't believe this is all happening" I said while tears streamed down my face.

"Aw, Amanda it's ok you know josh will come around, he jut needs his time I guess he's obviously mad for that stupid reason, and you didn't cheat on him so don't beat yourself up about it!" Devon said while hugging me.

"I just feel like such a whore, like why did I do that! Ugh"

"Amanda just chill ok, I'm going to take a shower so you can cry in peace cause that's the best way to do it I'll be right back" he said as he walked to the shower. I began crying  and thinking and just beating myself up.

After Devon got out he got dressed and we went out for some lunch. I was quiet and just kinda picked at my food I'm way to depressed. After that he drove me to my car.

"Thanks when are you coming home?"

"Probably like Tuesday or Thursday" he replied.

I got out and walked to my car. I started it and began driving home. Should I go to his house.. Or wait.. Just wait Amanda just wait. When I got home I went straight to my room and cried myself to sleep.