In the end

Low

The past 2 weekends since the party I've been going out. Josh has been watching Ryder for me because he wants me to get some free time but I know he's excepting me to give him a boat load of free weekends. Actually this weekend for one, he plans to go to Georgia with all his buddies for some 'Bro time'. It's. It fair because I don't get 'Girl time' I just got some one day a week for some party and socializing time. But he gets the whole weekend and is have to watch Ryder all by myself. What if something happens to Ryder Josh's is going to be 3 hours away! Wow I'm really overreacting I need to chill, it's just one weekend.

I picked up Ryder from my grandmas and went home since it's Friday. Josh was packing up his stuff so Ryder and I watched. "Are you going to be okay when I'm gone?" Josh asked.

"What do you think I can't handle being a mom, I've done it ever since he was born all by myself because you were never around!"

"Amanda! Why are you bringing that up, I'm just asking. It's been awhile you've been used to my help, I'm just checking to see so when I get there I don't get a call from you screaming about how I left you and I don't care about you." Josh Exlaimed.

"Wow, think less of me why won't you."

"This is exactly why I need a weekend break.." Josh mumbled while shaking his head.

"Excuse me! Fuck you I'm the one that's been working around here to provide for and a house for us! I take care of our son all day." I screamed.

"You don't take care of our son all day! Your grandma does, you take care of him for 2 hours and he goes to bed.. I'm there too your no big hero!"

"Fuck you Josh, really I'm so over this!" I said getting up and running in to the bathroom.

"Your over it! I'm over it I've been taking care of our son every weekend for a month so you could go party your ass off! You come home drunk and so fucken high of god knows what! Every weekend I take care of an immature child and my own child."

"Screw you Josh, I get high so I don't have to deal with you." I yelled.

"Your just making up excuses because it's becoming your routine.."

I stood in the bathroom doorway looking at Josh zipping his bag up. I wiped away my tear filled eyes and he kissed Ryder goodbye and placed him I'm his swing chair. "Bye buddy I love you I'll see you in a few days!" Josh said kissing Ryder's head. He grabbed his bag and looked up at me. "Bye." He left and I cried even more.

*********
I finished eating dinner and feeding Ryder so I put him to bed. Shit this is so lame it's 8:30pm Friday night and I'm in my PJ's watching shitty movies alone. As my mind wandered trying to think of a way to patch up my boredom all that played through my mind was the feeling of getting high. Uhh I want it so bad. I tapped my fingers in my online trying to calm my devious mind but I couldn't help but call Michele.

__PHONE__
(M)Hey Amanda what's up...
(A)Um nothin much what are you up to?
(M)About to find a party or something to do, wanna go with me?
(A)No, I wish. It's my time to watch the baby Josh's out of town.
(M)Sucks, so what did you call for?
(A)uh, um.. I need a fix.
(M)oo my girl coming though! What do you want?
(A)I just need to be able to take care of Ryder
(M)I mean the cocaine will keep you energized, Molly will let you have fun it brings out the sexual effect in everything but that won't be helpful because your alone, and I got the same old weed..
(A)Umm I don't know, do you what to hangout tonight?
(M)yeah that would be tons of fun I'll bring my stuff
(A)ok see you soon
__PHONE__

I waited 15 minutes and that's when Michele arrived. She laid the drugs out on the table. I took the cocaine first which really made me hyper. I danced around with Michele and I began grinding on her. "Do you know that I'm bisexual?" She asked biting her lip.

"No, but I'm totally ok with that."

"Sometimes girls give each other more affection! More pleasure.." She said hugging me tightly.

"Mhmm so.."

"Do you want to take some ecstasy, the 'love pill' make out and see what happens..?" She asked.

"No I can't cheat on Josh. I thinks it's time for you to go home. I'm tired."
*******
I woke up the next morning on the couch and my body was pounding. My heart was racing, and my nose is sore. I decided to check on Ryder he was sleeping still I since it's 5 am. I decided to get showered and clean up this hell whole. Once I was clean I vacuumed up some of the left over white tiny beads full of enegery. I went to bed and recognized I got drugged up while my son was in my care. I've gotten to a real low.