In the end

Have a good day at school daddy

Ryder came home yesterday afternoon, so he's been home for like a day now. It's exciting! I love him so much, and he's been such a good baby so far. He has to eat every 4 hours so Josh and I took turns waking up, and doing it last night, But Besides that he didn't wake up. It still doesn't take away from the fact that I'm tired and want sleep, but I'm a mom now so I have to sacrifice it.

Josh is staying the week with us so he can help me at night while I get used to the baby and then he's going back home. My parents agreed to this because they know I can't have sex right now and know I wouldn't, so that's why they allowed him to stay here. I mean it's annoying because once I reach my 6 weeks, they don't want Josh spending the night at all and it pisses me off because Josh and I both have to work, go to school, play our sports, do homework, study and I'm the one who has to stay up all night to take care of our son. It's not fair!

Josh and I are laying down in my bed right now while Ryder is in the middle of us laying in his boppy pillow. He has so many cute outfits, that I love dressing him in. Right now he's in a white footsie outfit, and it has brown and grey bears on it, and it
came with a matching hat with little bear ears. It's adorable! Josh and I are watching 'The wolf of wall street'

"Baby he is so cute!" I said.

"I know, he's adorable!" Josh said smiling looking at the baby.

"Oh yeah he is, but I'm talking about Leonardo dicaprio, he's a real babe!"

"Oh, I thought you were talking about the baby!" He laughed.

"Are you excited for your first day of senior year tomorrow!?"

"Yeah I am, I'm nervous though" he said.

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's really it.. It's our last year all together it's scary, plus I'm just nervous about what this years plans hold in our future. Like will we be together, will we live together, is Ryder going to stay healthy, are we going to get enough sleep, can we play our sports, can we work! Can we afford anything, can we graduate! I don't know I'm just Nervous for everything.." He frowned.

"I get it baby, we really bit off a lot more than we can chew at this age, but we have to look at it this way in the end all that matters is our family we need to make sure we fight for each other even if we feel a slip, we need to stay together! Ryder deserves it"

"I know baby.. I'm so happy though my classes are great I have math, English, gym, sports history, TV productions, graphics, study hall, and culinary class!!"

"I know I have math and English, gym of course, TV productions, Study hall, culinary, philosophy, and digital art design" I replied.

"We have English, gym, math, TV and study hall together!!" He said excitedly.

"Yeah I know, I'm excited we can be together a lot.."

While we talked Ryder began crying. Josh picked him up and cradled him. Josh walked around my room lightly bouncing him Ryder somewhat calmed down, but than acted up again.

"Do you need me to feed him a bottle, or are you going to breast feed?" Josh asked.

"I'll feed him.."

I lifted my shirt up and pulled my bra up. Josh passed Ryder to me and I made sure he latched on. He began eating so I smiled.

"Ugh, I really think if I do breast feeding I won't be able to go to school"

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"Because I can't pump that much half of my day would be pumping for him. It took me an hour to pump those 2 bottles in the fridge. I would need like 5 bottles if I went to school. Plus my boobs are so fucken sore, and I would leak milk all day.."