Detached [h.s au]

Chapter 4: Strangers

Harry lifts his hand after a few moments of silence, raking his fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes for a second as if he's preparing to tell me some bad news. "The man in the front... he's waiting."

"Waiting for what?" I ask and then a sudden realisation washes over me. "You don't mean..."

He clenches his jaw. "He is going to check, so we have no choice. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't leave."

"Check?" My eyes widen, anger and fear both coursing through me as bile rises in my throat. No, there is no way I would let that man examine me, not that intimately. "No."

"Elizabeth, we have no choice." Harry looks like he's trying to control himself. "They are going to punish us if we don't do this. After that, we'll be forced to do that in front of witnesses and I'm certain neither of us wants that."

My palm rubs the nape of my neck anxiously as I desperately try to come up with a solution. I knew I would be obliged to consummate our bond when the time comes, but it seems I'm not prepared for it at all. Especially not for someone to examine me afterwards. It's revolting.

"The sooner we go through with it, the sooner he is going to leave us in peace."

I close my eyes and gulp thickly, willing myself to stay strong. I nod and no more words are exchanged between us as Harry approaches me slowly, leaving only a small gap between our bodies. I can feel my heart thudding wildly against my rib cage, my eyes glancing down at his chest, unable to look him in the eyes because this whole thing is extremely uncomfortable and demeaning.

Harry raises his hand, his cold palm slipping under my jaw, tilting my chin upward so I'm forced to look at him. Shivers run through me as his skin makes contact with mine, my whole body being aware of his proximity. For a few moments, I'm mesmerised with the bright green colour of his irises, staring intently into mine, his long lashes creating a slight shade underneath them as he peers down at me.

"I'll try to get it over with as quick as possible."

He leans close to me, our lips almost touching, his eyes now focused on my lips. I suck in a sharp breath in surprise, my chest feeling like it's going to burst from the tension. My mind loses the ability to form any coherent thoughts and I'm not sure if it's because I'm nervous to the point I might faint. We aren't supposed to be intimate with anyone before this day and I obeyed that rule, but I was close to breaking it quite a few times. Women could be easily checked while men have it easy regarding that considering no one can prove they remained pure.

The next thing I know, my hand is in his, my brain sending me warning signals. No matter what I try to tell myself to make this easier, the boy standing in front of me is a complete stranger. I don't feel us move towards the bed, only when the backs of my knees hit the edge of it is that I realise we've shifted to it.

Soon, both of us are lying on the bed, Harry being on top of me. I am grateful he didn't insist on us being entirely naked, him keeping his shirt on while my dress is simply hunched upwards. He lowers himself on his elbows, his hips adjusting between my legs. I don't know what he sees when he peers down at me, but it makes him look away as he suddenly pushes himself into me, reminding me of why is this happening. Tears fill my eyes, from both physical pain and sadness settling within me, knowing there's a chance I won't ever know what is like to share something deep with someone, something that goes beyond the physical act. This is all I'll ever have.

And as I let him take me, I manage to keep my tears from falling, keeping my arms at my sides as he moves, looking everywhere but at me, his eyebrows slightly drawn together and lips parted, letting me know he's most probably enjoying this. A few groans leave his mouth as he moves at an intense pace, my eyes closing as I try to look past the pain I'm feeling and find pleasure in this.