Detached [h.s au]

Chapter 48: Chance

Elizabeth's POV

I lost the concept of time as I lied on the bed, absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. I'm pretty sure it's been a couple of hours since our conversation and I haven't moved from this position. My eyes are dry at this point, not sure if it's because I don't have any tears to shed anymore or because I've simply reached my lowest point.

All the sadness is slowly being replaced with hatred and anger. My fists clench at my sides and I feel my heart beat accelerate just at the thought of Harry and his selfishness. I'm done crying over him. Why should I cry over someone who doesn't care?

My muscles protest as I force myself into sitting position, my lungs involuntarily expelling a deep sigh. I feel numb as I manage to climb out of bed, somehow making it to the door. I want to surround myself with people who understand me, with people who won't tell me they care about me then tell me to leave two seconds later.

When I open the door, I almost step on something. When I look down, I see the familiar notebook with a ripped sheet of paper on top of it. I stare at it for a few moments before deciding to pick it up. My eyes scan the note, reading the neatly written words.

Take a chance and make the choice.

- H

I frown. Is he being serious? My rage only grows and I debate going to his room and throwing it at his face, but his words replay in my head. "I want you to read it and try to understand."

Before I know it, I'm sitting on the bed, the notebook in my lap. My fingers slowly open the first page, noticing something I didn't notice when reading this for the first time. There's a quote written on the bottom of the page. 'Be the change you wish to see in the world.' A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips. I flip the next page, skimming over the "Empty" written in the middle then flip another one. This one's full, Harry's intimate thoughts written on it.

They say it's not normal, it's not alright. If they only knew how many times I've wondered about it. I always knew there was something wrong with me, but I was too helpless to do anything about it. It's like there's a huge part of you that's missing, locked away, but you can't find the key no matter how hard you try. They don't know what's it like not having control over yourself. They asked me how I feel and I couldn't tell them because I didn't know how to describe it, I couldn't find the right words. I feel empty.

Liam thought this notebook might help me express myself. He said I should look at it as an experiment and keep track of the results. I think I was intoxicated when I agreed on doing this.

The next entry is written three weeks later.

It's been a month since I skipped the shot. I have to admit I do feel different, I do feel, but not like they do. Not like Sarah and Jenna, not like Niall and Zayn. Even Liam and Louis are used to it. Granted, they've been off for almost a year now. Zayn keeps saying I should find my reason for helping him stop them, I shouldn't just do it to spite my father.