It Started With A Dare

20. Is it too late now to say sorry?

20. Is it too late now to say sorry? ( Justin Bieber - Sorry )

I looked around the cafeteria to see that everybody's eyes were fixated on me, waiting for the scene to unfold. Suddenly I felt insecure because of the pressure of all those people who looked at me expectantly. Don't let them get to you, I thought to myself. I straightened myself a bit, pulling my shirt back in its place and looked Leah right in the eyes.

                  

I saw her eyes travelling up and down my body and when she noticed that I caught her looking, a small blush appeared on her cheeks. She stood up from her place at the table and came to stand right in front of me. She folded her arms over her chest and rose her eyebrows, waiting for me to finally talk.

"Well...." she said, tapping her foot on the floor.

"Look I know words can't heal what I did to you and I know that I did so much wrong but is it too late now to say sorry?". My words made her eyes widen. She didn't expect me to really apologize. She probably thought I was some stupid prick who only thought about himself and didn't care about others. Okay I must admit that sometimes I've been acting like that a lot, but hey, I changed.

"Or did I really messed it all up that it can't be fixed anymore?" I went on when she didn't reply.

What did it mean that she didn't reply? Was it good or was it bad? I hoped it was a good sign or else I was screwed. When Leah is mad, which she isn't that much, she can get really scary.

"You have to know that I was young back then. I had no idea what to do. We were both sixteen, we weren't ready for a ba-" she cut me off my quickly placing her hand over my mouth. Her eyes signaling me to shut the fck up. I understood and nodded with her hand still covering my mouth.

"I didn't know you wanted to talk about that. You should have told me" she spat at me. Well sorry but you said I had to say it right here, right now. It's not my fault. I actually wanted to tell her that but that would only make the situation worse.

"Let's head outside okay?" I suggested and she nodded and took her bag with her, walking behind me out of the cafeteria. When the door closed behind us, the chattering in the cafeteria was slowly starting again now that they had nothing to look at anymore.

I lead us to a bench which was next to the soccer field. We both sat down and just stared into the distance, not saying a word. The silence was a bit uncomfortable for me because I just really wanted this to be over.

I looked up when I heard quiet sniffing next to me. Sometimes I wondered how girls could get emotional so fast? It was like they had a button in their head where they could switch to whatever emotion they wanted to express when they wanted that. I know it's a weird thought, but it's coming from me so that makes it a lot more logical.

I scooted a bit closer to her and put my arm around her shoulder, rubbing my hand up and down her arm.

"Shh it's alright" I said quietly to her. Her shoulders shook a bit and she straightened herself up and looked at me. The sight of her made me want to cry too because she looked like a mess. Her hair was sticking into every possible direction, her eyes bloodshot red and her make-up smeared a bit from the crying she has done.

"No Luke, it's not. After all these years I finally realize what went wrong and I feel so stupid" she said. I didn't follow her at all right now because I thought she was mad at me.

"It's true that what you did to me is also bad but blocked every other contact with you after that happened. I should have let you decide too about it" she said and looked back at her hands.

Now I was actually wondering about the baby, about where he or she was right now.

"Did you keep it?" I asked without overthinking my words. It was actually pretty stupid because you couldn't see about the way she acted and the things she did like going to parties and stuff that she had someone else to take care of.

"No" she whispered. Hearing it kind of made my heart ache, but I was too late now. It was all over and done and I had nothing more to do about it.

"I'm sorry Luke" she said and started crying again. I pulled her body towards mine and she put her head in the crook of my neck.

Her hands found my neck and she pulled me as close as possible to her. I put my head in her neck as well and closed my eyes, finally giving over and letting the tears that were build up inside of me for years flow free. With my hands caressing her back, I let my thoughts go far away. We were both a mess right now and the only thing we needed was each other. At this moment I very realized that we had both needed each other two years ago as well, but were left to do it on our own.

She probably had her mom who helped her deal with all the shit I had put her trough and where I didn't help her. Her mom should hate me with her whole heart and I agree with her on that.

While she had her mom, I was on my own because of course I didn't tell my mom about it. But that was the best thing to do in my situation. I never talked with anyone about it, now two years later I still talked with no one but Leah about it.

That was so wrong because it changed me completely. I didn't wanted to settle down with any girl because I was afraid something like this happened again. I didn't want to go through this ever again and I also didn't want anyone else to feel this way.

After a few minutes Leah pulled back from our embrace and we just stared at each other.

"I have a proposal" she started saying and I nodded for her to continue. "We can get through this but only when we do this together'.

"Let me in and show your emotions to me. I will show them too and we can talk about it so much. I don't care how long it takes as long as I can spend time with you, because Luke...". She looked a bit uneasy right now, so I took her hand in mine and waited for her to continue.

"I'm still in love with you".

Without a second thought I pulled her closer and kissed her with so much passion, because at this very moment, I couldn't be any happier.

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