All I could do was cry(completed)

Chapter 32.5

Bey:"momma no matter who I'm taking care of you will always be first on my list yes I have my own family now but I still care about you and I'm still going to worry about you who cares about any mistakes you made all them many years ago I forgave you so stop holding this over your head."

Tina:"you don't understand baby."

I looked down at her she's right I don't understand.

Bey:"you know what your right mom."

Tina:"I am?"

Bey:"yea I don't understand what it's like to leave your children and make up a lie saying that your dead when you were just to coward to take care of them I don't understand that part but being one of those children I understand that when I needed you the most where were you I don't know because you for damn sure won't with me and solo.Who cares daddy was gone and if you had enough courage to leave your kids with their aunt you could have asked them for some help raising me and solo but no your pride and your ego was to big to ask for help.So yes your right I don't understand how you feel about it but I know how I felt back then and still feel a little now even though I act as though everything is ok I can't help but think that your going to leave me again when I need you the most.I can't be in this house without remembering all the arguing buoy and daddy did that you thought I never heard.I can't help but remember all the anger you had to me when all idi d was try to help you.So no I do t fucking understand."

She got up from off the floor with the look of death in her eyes.She started walking towards me as I backed up into the wall.

Tina:"look ok I understand what I did was wrong but you weren't the only one who suffered.I lived on the street for years because I didn't want to come back to this house.I lived under a bride with the homeless people because without you and your sister I was a homeless person.I still sent your aunt every dime I made from the hotel I was working at so that she could take care of you and your sister.I wore the same clothes for weeks.So yes I did suffer and I went through much more than that the streets aren't a safe place."

Bey:"who are you telling you would have known that had you been in my life when I was raped had you been there when I started experimenting with drugs had you been there when i was standing on a street corner about to sell my body because I didn't care about life anymore you would have known that had you been there when I tried to take my life twice but you weren't there so you didn't know that."

Tina:"Beyoncé don't talk to me like that I am still your mother."

Bey:"you lost that title a while ago when you wanted to lie to me and leave and then come back and lie some more what do I have a sign on my forehead that says lie to me I'll believe you.I do t think I do so all I asked from you was to be honest and you couldn't do that how do I know that everything you just said wasn't a lie you know what I can't do this."

I walked out of the little room and walked into the bedroom downstairs and went to look for my jacket.

Jay:"babe what are you doing now?"

I ignored him and kept looking for my jacket.I found it and pulled my hair into a ponytail and pulled out my shoes and started tying them.Jay sat up in the bed.

Jay:"where are you going bey?"

Bey:"I'm going on a walk I'll be back."

Jay:"do you want me to come with you?"

Bey:"nah I need some time alone you go ahead and go back to sleep."

Jay:"I'm not going back to sleep knowing your out there this time of night just wondering."

Bey:"don't worry about me I know these streets like the back of my hand trust me."

Jay:"well I'm still not going to sleep."

Bey:"ok love you baby I love you with all of my heart."

Jay looked at me like he was confused.

Jay:"love you too and don't do anything stupid."

Bey:"mmhmm."

I walked out of the room and walked outside as the cool air hit my face.I walked down the driveway and walked down the street.I looked at all these houses and remembering all the good times I used to have here with my mom and dad and my friends.I remember my friend Latavia wanting to start a singing group so we did and we danced and sang all the time at my house.Then I remembered all the bad times I had like when I ran away from my aunts home and came down here in hopes that my mom had come back and I would pass the house and all the lights would be off because there was no one to pay the light bill.As I was walking I noticed there was someone following me my first instinct was to run and that's what I did until they called me and I realized it was Jay.He caught up to me and wrapped his arms around me as I hugged him back and let my emotions free into his black hoodie.

Jay:"what's going on babe?"

Bey:"I can't do this anymore things are getting way to hard if it wasn't you cheating then Sanaa then her crazy ass stalking us then you killing her and blue and jewel and my mom lowing to me once again I can't keep doing this this stress isn't good for the baby Jay."