All I could do was cry(completed)

Chapter 31

Jewel got from on top of me and dragged me out into the living room.

Jewel:"I'm sorry for my breakdown I just couldn't control myself I wish this would stop."

Bey:"it's ok baby I knew you can't help it."

What I really wanted to say was I wish these would stop too cause they hurt me the same way they hurt you but then I would be a bad mom.

Jewel:"so can I tell you about it?"

Bey:"of course baby go ahead."

Hell nawh you can't tell me cause I'm gonna start crying them your daddy gonna ask me why I'm crying then shits gonna get real is really what I wanted to say.

Jewel:"so when you and daddy were arguing I had a flashback ll the way to my real mom and dad before they died and my mommy was doing what you were doing she was cutting and daddy found out but he didn't laugh at her like daddy did you he started yelling really loud and she started crying and he started hitting her and he used to always do this to her while I laid on the floor watching unable to help her I guess she had had enough and started fighting back.That just made things worse he picked her and and slammed her on the ground and I started crying then he picked her up and threw her down on the bed and started to have sex with her as she cried for me to get help and for someone to stop him.Then when I started to fight him he he he started to take my clothes off and....(gco)."

Bey:"so let me guess you thought your father was going to do that to me?"

Jewel:"yea."

Bey:"baby I don't think for one second your father would touch me in that way and I don't think he would hurt you in that way."

Jewel:"I don't want to finish this story."

Bey:"it's okay baby you don't have to finish the story I get the picture."

Jay:"no Ima need for you to finish."

We both looked around there Jay was standing in the living room with his arms crossed waiting for an answer from jewel.

Jewel:"daddy you weren't supposed to hear that this is a mommy and daughter convo."

Jay:"I see how many of these mommy and daughter convos have I missed and why didn't you tell me about these bey?"

Bey:"you've haven't missed many but I didn't tell you because it's not my business to tell if jewel wanted to tell you she would."

Jay:"jewel why didn't you want to tell me?"

Jewel:"because when I had my first breakdown I was with mommy and she talked me through it and didn't judge or anything like that and I always tell her my stories I just didn't want to tell you because I'm not comfortable around you enough to tell you these things and it's not because I don't love you it's because I have a pretty deep past and it's not meant for everyone to know."

Jay:"I'm your father just as much as she is your mother I want to know these type of things too I want to know no scratch that I need to know so I can know what to expect and how to protect I'm your father isn't that my job?"

Jewel:"yes daddy it is but I never know when these things are gonna happen they just do it's out of my control at that point and whoever I trust that comes to me first here's all of my emotions and stories and shares the pain with me."

Jay:"I get that but I was right there in the room with you you could have told me when you told your mother."

Jewel:"and let blue hear all the horrible things people have done to me I know she's not my real sister but she's 5 she just found out her name is a color the way she sees the world is that everyone is nice and happy and I want to keep her that way and not ruin her with my depressing stories."

Jay:"OK I understand but next time can I by the in included in this little talk?"

Jewel looked over at me to ask for approval and I know thats her father and he needs to hear this stuff but this is the only time I get to have time with my baby.I understand the circumstances are bad but still this is bonding time with us.

Bey:"sure baby jewel do you want him to hear these things?"

Jewel:"no I don't want him here because I only feel comfortable telling you these things but I mean if he wanna come when it happenes I can't stop him and when I get like that I just start talking so he can come."

Jay:"OK now that that's settled can we please go back in the room?"

Bey:"sure."

Tina:"Bey baby can I see you for a minute?"

I looked at jay and jewel and they looked like they were going to wait for me.

Bey:"you guys go ahead I'll be there shortly."

Jay nodded at me and jewel came and gave me a kiss as I walked upstairs to my mothers room.

Bey:"yes mommy?"

Tina:"did you fix it?"

Bey:"yes momma I did."

I smield at her and noticed her skin complexion looked brighter and her eyes didn't look as weak.

Bey:"momma you OK?"

Tina:"yea baby I'm fine why?'

Bey:"you just look different like your at peace or something."

Tina:"I would be even more peaceful if solo was here."

Bey:"hold on."

I went downstairs and called solo I told her to come meet me here in Houston for a surprise.This so going to be a surprise she won't forget.I went back into my mothers room and told her goodnight I walked back down to the guest rooms and laid down in the bed with my family.