Dear Nick

Take It Back

I didn't know what else to say, so I just stood there waiting for Demi to speak. I admitted to her that I was in love with her & now I was waiting for her to respond, not sure of what her reaction was going to be. Hell, I wasn't even sure of what I wanted her reaction to be.

"What?" Demi finally managed to say something & her voice was low, almost a whisper. "What did you say?" She asked & I just looked into her eyes, not wanting to say it again. "You're in love with me?" She asked, sounding impatient, since I wasn't speaking. "When... how.... when did that happen?" She asked, her voice trembling.

I took a deep breath as I looked over her head, then back at her face. "I don't know when it actually happened. I mean maybe it was something that was happening over time, but while I was overseas, I felt myself get excited when I got a letter from you. I'd have a pain in my chest when I didn't get a letter, but was expecting one. I felt myself loving you more than I did before I left & I just didn't realize that I was falling in love with you until I was lying on the ground & my legs were on fire. As I thought, to myself, I might not make it, I pictured you in my head & the one thing that came to mind was, that I'd never get a chance to tell you that I had fallen in love with you. Then I passed out & when I woke up in the hospital, I remembered that thought I had & that's when I realized what had happened. I had months to spend in bed & all I did was reread your letters & I kept falling more & more in love with you, Demi. I can't explain why. I just know it happened. And I've been trying to stop feeling this way, since I got home, but the exact opposite is happening. Every day, I am falling in love with you a little more. Since we had sex, it's gotten worse. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop reliving that night we made love. It hurts & I just need to be in my own place so I don't have to see you everyday. I need time to get over you. I just hope it's possible to get over you."

Demi seemed like she wasn't blinking as she stared at me, barely breathing. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I shouldn't even have said anything." I grunted, turning to sit on my bed. "I wish I could take it back."

"Take what back? Making love to me or admitting that you love me?"

My head snapped to look up at her. "I don't want to take back what happened with us that night. I'm glad it happened. I know it didn't mean much to you, but it was amazing to me. I have wanted to do that for a while & I am glad I got to know what it was like to be that intimate with you. I wish I could take back that I told you that I'm in love with you. That probably made it more awkward between us. My feelings will change soon. I bet once I'm away from you & I start to concentrate on moving on, our friendship can get back to the way it was. It will just take time."

Demi crossed her arms & looked at the floor. "And if it doesn't? What happens if you never get over me?"

I went to speak & nothing came out, because I didn't have an answer to that question. I shrugged my shoulders. "Let's just hope that I can get over you."

"Is that why you've been getting under all the women since you got back?"

"I haven't been with that many. You act like I turned into a manwhore. I was with a few."

"A few? There were a lot of girls, Nick." Demi rolled her eyes, a chuckle coming out in a breath.

"Demi, I went out with a lot of girls, but I didn't sleep with all of them. Most of them, I didn't sleep with, actually. But, admittedly, yes, I was trying to distract myself which is why I started sleeping with Lexi. That doesn't matter, though. I am moving out now, so I can let my heart get over you." I sighed & stood up.