Dear Nick

Christmas Miracle

I got to Demi's for dinner a few minutes before six & Denny was already there with Lydia. The four of them were laughing, in the kitchen, as they each had a duty for completing dinner. They all greeted me & I offered my help.

"Everything is just about done." Liam said as he offered me a beer. I took it, gladly, wanting to be really drunk, at that moment, so I could stop feeling the heartache.

I was quiet during dinner & barely looked up from my food. Every time I did, I'd see Liam gazing, lovingly into Demi's eyes or he was kissing some part of her face. I was nauseous & thought any moment I'd hurl up this food I was ingesting. I couldn't stop thinking about Demi marrying this guy. Was that real? Or was that my subconscious? It had to be real since I didn't know the guy's name, before, but Beth said the name & told me to act fast. Was I supposed to tell Demi how I felt with this guy in her life? Was I supposed to hope they broke up? I was so confused & the shit was eating away at me. I excused myself from the table & went out on Demi's balcony to get some air.

I was on the porch, drinking my third beer of the night, when Demi came out & thank God she was alone. "You okay?" She asked, her face concerned.

Now was my chance. I should tell her. No, I am not okay because you're with Liam & you should be with me. Instead of saying all that, I nodded my head & looked out at the sky.

"You've been quiet all night. More than usual." Demi said, coming up beside me.

"It's just the holidays. They've got me a little sad... thinking of the gifts I won't be giving her..." My voice trailed off as I lifted the beer to my mouth & took a drink. Demi put her arm around me, rubbed my back & leaned on my arm, all of it making me feel even worse & she had no idea. "But, hey Liam seems nice."

She lifted her head off my arm & smiled at me. "He is. We had this incredible connection when we first met. It was crazy. I felt butterflies... instantly... it was weird because I hadn't felt that before with someone upon meeting them. Who knows? Maybe that means he's the one. Maybe I have finally fucking found the one." She looked up at the stars as she flailed her arms like she was saying, 'it's about time' to God.

I couldn't speak, to reply, so I just nodded my head. She was happy. Genuinely happy with this guy & she truly believed he could be the one. How could I take that from her? But a tiny voice was in my head, saying, 'You want to have a life with Demi. You won't regret it.' I knew the voice... it was Beth's & I couldn't help feeling like I was going insane that I was thinking she came to me, for real. I should be committed, thinking that what happened the night before wasn't a dream.

I wasn't alone with Demi, for long, on the porch, since Denny came out to join us, a few minutes later. Liam & Lydia were watching some theater videos online since Liam was an old friend from Lydia's performing arts school. He was a musician & also acted & sang. The guy was literally perfect & I hated him because of it. Denny & Demi talked for a bit, discussing plans for Christmas & Christmas eve. I wasn't paying attention unless they asked me a direct question. I just wanted to leave, to be honest. I did end up leaving a half hour later, telling everyone I wasn't feeling too well.

For the weeks before Christmas Eve, I didn't see a lot of Demi, because she spent most of her spare time with Liam. I'd hang out with them, but I never stayed long, because I couldn't take the pain. I hung out with Tucker some & Denny, but I made sure Lydia was there so Denny wouldn't talk to me about Demi.

On Christmas Eve, Demi's parents always had a party for friends & family, then the next day, we'd all go to the house for dinner with just the family. My mom was invited, but she was spending Christmas eve with her boyfriend in Michigan & was flying in on Christmas morning to spend the day with me at Dianna & Patrick's house.