Dear Nick

Opening Up

I watched Demi's face as she cowered a little toward the hallway outside my bedroom. She wasn't answering me fast enough so I said, loudly, "Tell me, Demi!" She jumped, just a little, then looked away from me.

"A few weeks ago, she brought over this box for me that had stuff for the wedding... it was full of stuff that I would need the day of the wedding, as her bridesmaid. Anyway, she was talking about how she wanted to write something for you but she wanted my help with it. I told her to just write from her heart & you would love it. She nodded, then she looked at me & said, 'you're in love with Nick, aren't you?' I had no idea what to say. Her question caught me off guard so I just laughed & acted like she was insane." Demi turned & walked further, into the bedroom, to the bed, where she ran her hand over the comforter, then faced me. "She didn't believe me. She said that she fell in love with you within a month of knowing you, so she understood if I had fallen in love with you at some point during the course of our friendship. Then she grabbed my arm & told me not to lie to her so I told her. I told her how I fell in love with you when I was a young teenage girl & how I never stopped even though I tried so hard & then she asked me if I ever told you. I couldn't lie to her, Nick."

"Yes, you could have!" I yelled as I took a step toward her. "So she knew I lied to her." I said as I swallowed hard & closed my eyes.

"No, I couldn't. But, I explained to her why you didn't want to tell her & she understood & she wasn't mad, Nick. I begged her not to tell you & she promised she wouldn't. Then... " Demi took a deep breath so I opened my eyes to watch her. "She said that since nothing happened, between us, when I confessed, that she could trust you even more than she already did. She knew how much you loved her, Nick, so don't think that she was upset you lied to her. She knew you were protecting her & that you weren't ever unfaithful. She was the most amazing girl I have ever encountered in my life. I mean that, for real. I actually am inspired by her & want to be a better person because of her. I told her things I never told anyone else & she didn't judge me & she never told anyone." Demi was starting to sob, but her words still came, in her shaky voice. "She was becoming my best friend & the only thing that kept me from being sad that I wasn't with you is that you had her & she was better than me. She was better than everyone, I swear. That's why I'm so angry right now. You lost the love of your life, but I lost a best friend. I lost someone that I trusted enough to talk to about anything & everything. I lost the one person who made me feel comfortable enough to tell my deepest darkest secrets to. I cried myself to sleep last night, too, Nick. I may not have been in love with her, but I loved her nonetheless. I'm sorry I told her I was in love with you, because I promised you I wouldn't tell her, but it felt right & I didn't want to lie to her. I hope you can forgive me." Demi ran past me, out the door, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open.

I heard a door slam, so I ran to find that Demi wasn't in my apartment anymore. I didn't want her to leave when she was so upset, so I ran out my door & got to her car just as she was about to close her door. She gasped when I held the door open. "You can't leave. Please come inside." I said.

"You seemed mad that I told her...." Demi's voice trailed off as she wiped her wet cheeks.

"Then you explained it all to me & I forgive you for breaking your promise. Can you please come inside? I really don't want to be alone right now. And I don't think you should be alone." I said, then held my breath for a moment. Demi got out of the car, slowly & once she was standing I pulled her into my arms. The hug lasted a moment, then I let her go & we walked up to my apartment.

Once inside, I made some coffee, in silence. Neither Demi nor I were speaking, but it was a comfortable silence. I think both of us were tired of crying & not talking, kept the tears at bay. Demi sat at the counter in my kitchen & when I got both of us a cup of coffee, I sat down across from her, sliding a mug in her direction. She nodded her gratitude & I pressed my lips together & managed to curve them up in a tiny smile. I took a few sips of my coffee, avoiding looking at Demi, then I watched her over the rim of my cup.