Dear Nick

Facing the Truth

After Halloween, Demi took a break from guys, thankfully. Work got busy for her, so that took a lot of time, plus she was hanging out with me more than she had been, when she was with the different dudes. She kept talking about fixing me up with someone from her work, but I insisted I wasn't interested & she let it go. One night, she & I had gone to dinner & she brought up me dating, once again.

"You really need to get out there & meet some women." She said before taking a bite of her meal.

I sighed, loudly & dropped my fork. "You & your brother need to quit. I'll date when I'm ready. I just feel like I'd be disgracing Beth's memory if I moved on too fast, plus I have no desire to get out there & see how many women I can find that will pale in comparison to the love of my life." I was talking about her & Beth, both, but she assumed I was talking only about Beth.

"But Nick... you're 25... vibrant. Don't you have needs you have to satisfy?" Demi was almost whispering & looking around like someone might hear her. She was so cute sometimes. Okay, she was cute all the time.

I leaned forward as I reached for my drink. "That's what my hand is for." I smirked & she blushed, as a giggle escaped her lips.

"But you have got to miss hanging out with a girl.. sharing a meal... watching movies... taking drives or long walks together..."

"You mean like what you & I do?" I asked, chuckling under my breath & Demi grinned, then made a face like I had a point. "Besides, I have the best of both worlds. I have you, to do all that fun stuff with, but I don't have the drama that comes along with a girlfriend or the confusion that comes along with having sex with some random girls."

"Confusion?"

I wiped my mouth as I swallowed my beverage. "Yea... like do I call her the next day? Or how long do I have to stay after we have sex? Or do I have to cuddle with her? That kind of bullshit."

Demi nodded, her eyebrows up, then she changed the subject & we finished our meal. She didn't bring up, me dating again, after that, but Denny wasn't letting it go. After Thanksgiving, when I spent the day with his family & had an amazing time, he came over that weekend so we could hang out. Lydia had gone home to visit her family, for the holiday. Demi was on a blind date with a guy Lydia knew & had set her up with. I didn't ask Denny anything about the date or the guy because I didn't want to get upset.

"Lydia has lots of single friends, ya know? She can fix you up, too." Denny said as we were watching a football game on Saturday.

"I don't want to date a dancer." My sentence came out with no emotion.

Denny's hands came up, defensively. "Okay... I get that. It would remind you of Beth... but she has friends who aren't dancers."

"I'm fine, Denny. I am not ready to date yet."

"When do you think you're going to be ready?" Denny asked, leaning on his knees to look at me.

I sighed, not hiding my annoyance. "I don't know. When I feel like enough time has passed. When I'm comfortable dating someone again. Right now, my emotions are still pretty raw."

"Nick, it's been six months since Beth died. It's time. You can move on now. She would be fine with you moving on."

"I'm just not ready."

Denny shoved my leg with his hand. "Not ready or is there another reason?"

"There's only one woman I would want to move on with & I can't have her." I said, then chugged on my beer. I already regretted the sentence I just uttered, so I prayed Denny would drop it, but of course, he didn't.