Malec One-shots!

Stop Saying Sorry

I want to talk to him.

I want to see him smile at me, that cute little nervous smile of his, and I want to  grin back at him, and show him how I feel about him without the use of words.

I'm never good with words.

He would speak so intelligently about so many different topics. And I always sounded like a fucking idiot when I would reply with "I agree".

But long, heart-felt messages are tedious, and at one point you wonder how much of it is true and how much of it is some bullshit that your brain thought of because you need to say something, because you look like a total asshole if you don't.

I just want to be with him.

To hug Alec is to hug a kitten. Soft and gentle, but also timid and shy.

Holding his hand is delightful, because it keeps me warm and happy, knowing he's next to me, with me, and that's one of the best feelings in the entire world.

I want to kiss Alec again, I want to see him blush when I call him amazing, I want to watch shitty television with him, I want to take him on dates and show him what it's like when you have no regard for those around you.

I want to show Alec how I feel about him.

I know it isn't love yet, though I don't know what love feels like.

Is it really constant butterflies and sparks flying and fireworks crowding your vision? Or is that what authors write to make it seem more dramatic, more exciting? Because I've also heard love hurts, and I have felt neither sparks nor pain when I am around Alec.

But I do feel the need to protect him. To make sure that he's happy, and if he isn't do everything in my power to make him happy again. I want to hold him close and whisper I care a lot about you, I trust you, you beautiful, amazing person.

But I can't.

Alec isn't allowed to date me. His parents would resent him. And that isn't fair to him. Not at all. And though we attempted the whole "secret relationship" thing, the guilt that he admitted to feeling about lying to his parents and siblings was there, and Alec was afraid that he would be consumed by it.

Alec kept apologizing, texting me "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", and I hated it. He shouldn't be sorry for putting his family before a crush. If anything I'm happy that he did, because it shows how dedicated he is to the people he loves.

If I could convey to him how I didn't resent his decisions, that I wasn't mad, I would. I would bottle it up into a single glance, all of the words that I can't speak to him poring out then.

But he never looks over at me anymore.

I want Alec Lightwood to be mine, but I just can't have him.

-=+=-   -=+=-   -=+=-

Slide into your DM's like...

So yeah, hi. Long time so see. I'm really sorry about that, *gifts you cookie* but school sucks and so does my love life *laughs unhumorously*

I felt bad for not updating, and I also had a lot on my mind, so I thoroughly apologize for the shitty shit I just wrote. It sucks, I know. 

I'm working on two other one-shots right now, and they're a lot longer than this shit.

So until I update next:

HAVE A SUPER SPARKLY DAY!!!