A Malfoy

18

~ Chapter Eighteen: I thought we were done for good so who gives a rat's ass ~

    Let's remember something here.

    I am hopelessly in love with the person I ended the relationship with. So you might be able to see why it was difficult for me to make myself stop kissing him back.

   Draco Malfoy is not a nice person. But to me, he was a saint. He cared about me and complemented me. But when it came down to me protecting him, he didn't like that. And then we got into an argument and I got mad and hurt. Which led me to break up with him. That hurt both of us. And we haven't talked for about a month. Him and his best friend got into a fight and nobody talks to anybody. And now he is kissing me passionately.

    My brain had turned into a malt. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. All I knew is that Malfoy's sweet lips were against mine and nothing felt better. I felt like I had been deprived of his kisses for so long.

     I heard a noise and I thought it came from me, but I realized I had at least a small amount of control over myself. He groaned and bit my lip lightly. There was no space left against us. The air was warm around us.

    His hands had found their way to my lower waist. My eyes fluttered open when his lips separated from mine, but they were still an inch away. A short, but painfully long inch away.

    "Tell me," he whispered.

    We met each other's eyes. Our cheeks were flushed and his sleeves had rolled up to his elbows. I hadn't even realized we had almost completely unbuttoned my shirt and were a foot away from the couch. Which I know was giving us both ideas.

    "Draco," I say in a quiet warning tone, finally tearing my eyes away from him.

    He kissed me slowly. I almost told him the three words. The first time I thought I was going to die and I wrote them in a note. The second time was in a rush of anger and hurt towards him because he was preparing to go to Azkaban. But I haven't said it since, have I? Why is that? It's an emotion that's been there for a long time.

He took my hands. "Emma," he mocks. But there was no feeling behind it.

I looked into his eyes, knowing I would find at least something there. And I did. Draco might love me. And I love him. Then why do I feel like I need to let him go?

I remember something my mom had told me when her and my dad got divorced and I was upset that we would be moving to America. "It's going to be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not soon. But someday. Let this stick with you: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it never was."

I didn't understand then. But I think I do now. If I were to be immature about this, I would say I already let Draco go just a day or two after my birthday last month. But I didn't. I have thought about him every single day and my heart aches every single time.

What if I try this and it doesn't work? What if we aren't meant to be?

I blink twice and hug Draco. I made up my mind. I have to be careful. I can't afford to have any hearts break.

"Draco," I say after I step back. "This can't happen."

Let's also remember I'm trying to be a calm and mature person through this.

"I know," He answers.

What is that supposed to mean? I didn't want to say that. I didn't want him to say that? Can't he do something? How do we fix this?