God, your hair. It was always your hair. In thick spiral curls, soft like silk and painted a shiny brown like melting chocolate.
But maybe it was your eyes, wide blue orbs that could hold so much passion. Too much at times. And the way they looked at me so lovingly...
And your hands, oh boy your hands. The softest things to bursh my skin in my short 23 years of life. Touching me with some sort of patience I can't understand.
Your body
Your mind
Your voice
Whatever it was, it hurt me. I wasn't used to the gentle love and it made me sick. My heart felt swollen and I was drowning 90% of the time we were together.
So that one day when you came over unannounced with flowers and a bunch of movies and I told you you weren't allowed to come in, I really wish you wouldn't of taken it so personally, It wasn't your fault. I was broken to early in life to stand back up. I was incapable of love and you were incapable of keeping it to yourself.
But at the same time as you were burning me you were calming me and I think that's why I didn't break off our relationship, but only found ways around saying I love you.
Flash forward three years and I'm about to propose because I figured that's what I was supposed to do at that point. But before I even got the chance you walked into the lounge with another man and a sad smile.
"Con, there's something we have to talk about." You broke up with me then, said I wasn't the same as I was in college and that you knew I didn't love you. You found another man who could actually show you affection and "made you feel like a man" as you said.
I pretended to stay indifferent, my face neutral even as you packed your things and gave your house key back. But as soon as the door closed behind you, I choked.
Tears stung my eyes and my knees knocked into the floor and my throat closed. You were gone, you left me, and the only person I could blame was myself. Me and a boy from high school and decided beating me to a pulp everyday was how a normal relationship were. Maybe if I told you that was why I couldn't fully devote myself to you, because I was scared and broken, then you would have stayed. Helped me even.
But I was never one to want sympathy and that's what I would have gotten and I'm not sure you would have been able to stomach such a story.
I cried, I cried for hours on end until the neighbors banged on the walls and my voice was ruined. I stayed in that spot in front of the door for two days, not moving, not eating. It felt like those boys hands were slamming into me again. You were beating me even worse than he had done and it wasn't until that third night did everything stop.
It was around nine, and the door suddenly swung open letting in a sliver of light in the otherwise dark apartment. You stood there, outlined in light, with a tear soaked face and horrified expression. You barreled into me as soon as I let out the first sob you ever heard me release.
You told me that my mother had contacted you about why I wasn't answering my phone and after you explained the situation we'd gotten ourselves into she explained why I wasn't ever fully ready to give myself to you physically and emotionally.
"I never stopped loving you Connie, I was just scared. So scared! Because I thought you had grown tired of me and Chase made me feel special and god why didn't you tell me about this before?!" I didn't reply. We stayed on the floor for a bit longer until you pulled me up and laid me in our bed- one I hadn't dared getting into because it was no longer 'ours'- but now that you were back it was okay.
You whispered to me all the ways you loved me and how I was the best thing to happen to you in your 20 years. I wanted to say it back, to let you know I loved you because at that point I knew I did, but the timing wasn't right.
And i guess it wasn't ever right until now, as were standing at this alter, ready to devote ourselves to one another.
My point is kola, I love you and that's a fact. - a/n
okaAyY so about yesterday's little rant thing, it wasn't about anything on my own books but something happening to a friend and blah blah thanks for all the support you guys are honestly so great I adore you all
here have another gif
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