dream boy

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by -spookyy

by -spookyy

prompt- from 2 months ago

Connor has always had a very active imagination. He can remember being younger and waiting as his mother would turn on his Arura nightlight and retire to her own room, leaving him to dream of a boat, always the same boat, a boy- never the same boy- and a river.

The boy would change constantly by looks and name as he was based off of his favorite male figure in the moment, and in this particular one he's remembering the boy's name is Logan. With brown hair and hazel eyes, he would lead Connor outside to a calming river and a raft.

And- Oh no! There's a cliff up ahead and struck with fear Connor would watch as Logan would huff out his chest and in a flash build a sealed dome around the raft, pulling Connor close as it would fall from the top to the bottom landing peacefully. They would lay there for hours and Connor would feel safe.

Now, he's 18 and things have changed. His mind isn't as bright and is definitely less creative. Where he once dreamt of little boys on boats and cotton candy, he dreams of boys in fields, jumping off cliffs, and swimming in the darkest parts of the ocean.

He's a good kid with straight A's and a lovely family. He rarely gets in trouble and is liked by most. But no matter how great his life is- seems- he just can't push away the ever present thought of suicide that sits in the back of his mind.

It's not that he wants these thoughts but sometimes his mind just won't shut up and makes the scary thought seem appealing. When he googled it he learned that maybe it's because suicide is the most powerful decision a person can make, and that only you can make it.

So maybe Connor likes the idea of suicide because it makes him feel powerful. But he doesn't think so because half the time he pushes lives decisions away. They frighten him, make him nervous.

Maybe it's the idea of something great waiting for him when it's all over. But Connors never been too religious so he can't help but feel that's not it either.

Then what? What is it that pulls Connor towards the ever present thought of not breathing? Well, it'd have to be a word spelt pretty. P.R.E.T.T.Y.

Pretty has never been a part of Connors vocabulary, for he's never found anyone worthy of it. Little does he know, pretty isn't meant for a girl, or even a boy, but a feeling. The feeling of wanting to die.

And it's not until a certain blue eyed mess does he understand that. When Connor first saw Troye, the word he used to describe him was death. He saw the gorgeous orbs, the luscious curls, and the lean body and thought what a beautiful way to picture dying.

And that night when he went to sleep he returned to that old raft but instead of a brave boy named Logan he was greeted with Troye. And instead of building a water proof doom, the boy cried.

He cried a lot Connor saw. And now that he's lying next to him he can't help but feel like dying would leave a bad after taste in the sad boy's mouth.

idk BUT I MIGHT SEE TRO IN OCTOBER FOR MY BIRTHDAY IM SCREECHING

also if you don't know, I put up a new story called guns for hands :)