blue | a collection of tronnor oneshots

The Line Between Pain and Pleassure

Prompt: Troye has a thing for pain and Connors to happy.

"You could be happy."

"I don't want to be happy."

"Who doesn't want to be happy?"

"Me." That was all it took to lose the best thing to ever happen to me.

Being with Connor was like a walk on a beach. Fun, beautiful, something everyone enjoyed and thought was 'so goals'. That was, until it wasn't.

Soon being with Connor was like having a picnic on a beach. Constantly shaking off your blanket and getting dirt in your food. What used to be soft, gentle love turned into something horrible and frustrating. And mostly on my part.

Anytime we were alone, which was always considering we lived together, I was cold. Distant, and even more so when he would try to get close to me. In those moments when I would let him kiss me or snuggle into my side I was harsh. Biting his lip roughly and digging my nails into his hips.

I didn't mean to do it, but I got some kind of pleasure watching him clench his jaw in pain. Connor was so full of sunshine and happiness and at first it was intoxicating. It made me want to be happy too, my usual depressing personality wanting a break. But then one night changed it all. We were laying in bed about to go sleep when he suddenly kissed me. It was nothing new, late night make out sessions were normal for us. But things had been tense lately. His happiness and his person in general had been putting me off. His face, his voice, what he loved what he hated was starting to annoy me.

Anyway, he had rolled over and captured my lips in another one of his slow and gentle kisses. Rolling my eyes at his closed one I had flipped on top of him, his little giggle only making me more aggressive. He was making me aggressive. And I didn't know I enjoyed it until i had his wrists in my hands, my painted nails digging into them harshly, and he gasped.

I took those now red wrists and held them tightly against the headboard of our bed in a way that would leave bruises as I gave him bruising kisses. He whimpered and suddenly the line between pain and pleasure became very thin if not completely gone altogether. He started to pull away then.

"Troye?" He said with a wince as I began to attack his neck. "Troye?" More harshly this time when I didn't answer. I stopped but didn't lean back, just stared at what of his neck I could see. "You're...you're hurting me." And I had mumbled a sorry and rolled off of him, turning my back and listening as he shifted around until he fell asleep.

I think what scared me the most was that i didn't feel bad. His pain made me happy and that freaked me out more than when he told me I should see a therapist. He had no idea what was going on in my head, only thinking I was a bit out of it lately. But I wasn't out if it. If anything I was the most 'in it' I had been in years.

The next time I purposely hurt him we were moving boxes from the attic and as I was handing down a box from the latter I saw an opportunity. It had been a few days since the make out incident and he had been wary of me. His face was turned sideways under the weight, something i was helping him hold because he couldn't do it himself. I had two options. I could do what I was intended to and help him carry it down the latter and to the living room. Or i could just let go and let it fall on his perfect form and he would never know it wasn't an accident. I picked the latter.

I let go of the box and it came tumbling down, Connor landing on his back and the box of Christmas decorations on top of him. He groaned and I saw the blood drip from his nose. All was silent.

"Troye? Could you help me please?" He wined out and I climbed down and lifted the box and sat it next to him peering down as he peered up. He looked good but as the friendly light began to return and he giggled, calling himself clumsy, I glared. He couldn't give me five seconds could he?

"Whatever." I had mumbled, turning away and picking the box up, continuing my journey to the living room.

So I guess that's why I've lost Connor. Because I can't see him happy. And he's always happy. Or at least he was until the light slowly started to fade. I became happier as he became sadder and finally he had enough.

"Get some therapy Troye. Please." He had begged on night when I got crabby again as he retuned from a friends all happy and jittery.

"No." I said harshly, pulling my bed clothes on.

"You've been acting strange lately. You've been rough with me and have been totally unlike yourself." I had scoffed because id never felt more like me.

"Whatever."

"Stop whatevering me!" He had yelled and a smile creeped into my face at his distress. "Why the fuck are you smiling?" My smile vanished and he sighed.

"I'm going to bed."

"I'm moving out." I turned to face him with wide eyes.

"What?" I was in disbelief. I was numb. I was losing him and i didn't feel anything.

"If you don't get therapy I'm moving out. I can't live like this Troye. Your constantly angry and aggressive. I can't smile without you frowning. I need to know your at least making an effort to make things work here." When I don't say anything he sighs. "I just can't do this anymore. "

"Oh." Was my smart reply and he looked at me teary eyed.

"Your not even going to ask me to stay?" I just slowly shake my head and he laughs bitterly before giving me the saddest look I've ever seen.

"Please Tro. Get help. Even if it's just for your health. I'll leave If you want just promise me you'll take care of yourself." Even when i was hurting him he was nice and it made me sick. I was so tired of him and his bright smiles that were starting to dim and the way he looked at me with love in his eyes. I never felt as nasty as I did then.

"No."

"You could be happy." He had pleaded and I narrowed my eyes.

"I don't want to be happy."

"Who doesn't want to be happy?"

"Me." That was all it took to lose the best thing to ever happen to me.

----

wowza that was intense.

on a brighter note I recommend everybody reading this to go read Open by flawed- it's literally the best thing ever and I read the whole thing throughout the day and if I don't get an update soon I'll cry. 10/10 recommend.

Anyways I have to go now lol bye