blue | a collection of tronnor oneshots

your friend

there's black on my hands
and there's black in your heart
but I think the second ones my fault

there's black on my hands
and there's black in your heart
sorry for the rough handling

mama always told me to never play with the feelings of a boy, she said that boys are sensitive but to proud to say they're hurting. maybe that's why I didn't know I was breaking your heart until your brother told me you'd cry at 1 am.

I've never stayed up till 1 am but I figure that's really late. mama says to go to bed by 10 or I won't be able to focus the next day, maybe that's why you wouldn't speak much. maybe that's why you had black circles around your delicate blue eyes and why your hair was never brushed.

there's black on my hands
and there's black in your heart
but the color is starting to fade.

when your brother first told me you weren't sleeping I suggested sleeping pills. but supposedly they made you sick and I didn't know why he always came to me.

he said that one night when you locked yourself in the bathroom, he heard you screaming my name.

I don't know why you were screaming my name. I wish you'd tell me.

when I told mama that you'd fallen in love with me she pulled me into a tight hug and told me she was sorry. I don't know why she was sorry, but I think it had something to do with the inevitability of painting your heart shades of depression- and then feeling bad for it.

I was always to creative.

I don't know how to break hearts or exactly what it means, but I know how it effected you and sometimes I wonder how I did it so well.

when I asked Tyde all he said was that it had something to do with my voice. I've always thought my voice was to soft but from what your brother said, it never left your head.

sometimes I wonder if maybe only half of your heart is black, and maybe the other is a worse shade of purple left there by the boys from before me.

or maybe it was from your dad leaving you when you were ten, and your mom falling into depression that you seemed to inherit like the dark curls on top of your head.

I find it hard to think it was me who ruined you, who brought you to the brink of wearing away. being only 16 I think my ability to kill a man is rightfully low.

but then Tyde tells me all the things you'd mutter while hopped up on pain pills and the guilt and confusion returns.

because you see, we've only ever kissed once. it was nothing committed and nothing like a promise, so I think what was drowning you in toxic goop was the friendship.

you wanted me to save you from the fear of never being loved and the dark thoughts that haunted you but I couldn't! it's not that I didn't want to but we were both just boys!

I couldn't save you and I think you thought it was because I didn't care.

I wish you wouldn't of died thinking that.

I'm sorry for painting your heart black.

I hope wherever you are now, the angels have washed you clean.

- your friend connor xx

-
new cover!! what do you guys think?