Glimpses

Revealing

He didn't expect it. He was prepared for a clichéd date. The type where the guy gives flowers, the girl gushes. The type where the man asks the woman for a slow dance and they kiss under the stars. The type where the man brings the woman home after dinner and they kiss again inside the car.

But when it comes to his romance, those mundane things are like a wooden house after a tornado passes through it. Chaotic.

RJ had an opportunity to peak inside Maine's heart. A tiny window of chance, very rare since he met her. He was giddy at first when he learned that Maine wrote a poem for him too. He kind of wished for this; for her to answer his own. But not like this.

He was caught off-guard when Maine's voice started to quiver. The two of them could cry fast, him being the easiest to open the pipe. But on rare moments when it was Maine that cried, he felt like he could slay a dragon--or the person--that made her shed tears. And on that rare moment, such as this, he never thought that he could kill himself.

RJ had an idea for a long while now. Why Maine was hesistant. Why she couldn't commit. Why she always had this doubt towards him--them. Why she couldn't say yes yet. Why they couldn't be together. And for all her reasons, he knew that RJ had done nothing to ease her skepticism.

Sure, he is sweet. He is nice. He is a gentleman. But any guy can do it. Specially to a girl like her. Who wouldn't? Maine is an epitome of a cool, smart, witty and funny woman. For a young age, she has accomplish something. And that something has been a struggle for him. He works so hard to reach his goal. He is just starting to earn the fruit of his hardwork. He is so focus on pursuing more that he forgets the basics. The fundamentals when one is building a relationship. Assurance. Security. Commitment. And he may have been the sweetest man in the world for one Nicomaine Dei Capili Mendoza. But he is also the worst. Because he selfishly kept the only thing that Maine always wanted from him: Honesty.

Maine has insecurities. A lot of them actually that he never bothered counting. Both of them have been supportive of each other. They were able to lick each other's wounds caused by bashers, critics and negative people, but in the process, he also created another gash. One that could not easily be seen because Maine was good in hiding them. It started with a small scratch, could have been a scab and completely heal, but because he was careless, he accidentally scrape the flesh and let the blood ooze.

RJ thought he is doing the right thing. He thought that they both want it. He thought that Maine is not ready. He thought that he is waiting for her to be. He thought that the problem lies on Maine. Probably half of it, because Maine never say anything to him when they are together. He may have shown hints about what he really feels but she disregard them with jokes. But everytime she does it, he heeds. He never contradicts. His excuse is because Maine is not ready. But is really?

It's not that he's not ready, because he really is. Giddy even. It's not because he doesn't like her either or he doesn't love her. If there's one thing he can swear in front of God, it is his feelings for her. But, he has his own insecurities too. Is he worthy enough? Is he the right man for her? What possession does he has to present her? Can they survive showbiz? How long should two people know that they are ready? Who should give assurance to whom? Who said love resolves all?

They may appear confident in front of the camera. They may appear the best loveteam ever. But once the stage closes, the lights are off and they are alone, are the two of them really enough to make each other happy? Secured? Contented?

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Ugh. KS yesterday was heavy. Sa sobrang bigat, dinapuan ako ng writer's block. Ang dami kong gustong isulat. Maine's POV ang unang draft and yet, I think she said enough. So scratch that. Third POV ang second, deleted. So...robotic. Then I heard the song Diary by Bread. The first line hit me like Britney Spears was...one more time (charot!) "I found the diary underneath a tree. And started reading about me..."

Let me know what you think of yesterday's EP? For me, everything was REAL. Ang REEL lang 'ata dun ay ang drone ni Raffy Tima. 😂

Please enjoy!