Glimpses

Drowning

How do we keep our heads above the water? How do we calm our raging hearts filled with anger? How do we keep up with all the hypes of our sudden glory? How do we keep ourselves from drowning?

I know you're not okay. I have read them all you know. I know it was partly our fault because we tease them. But sometimes, it still baffles me how they could turn one word to a billion. I have hatred, I am human after all. But I don't let anger envelope me. I know that some will still slip through that pure heart of yours. I know that I cannot heal all, or even apologize on their behalf, but Shokoy? I am very, very sorry.

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"Shokoy!" Maine greeted RJ enthusiastically. She was on their van. They're about to leave in a couple of few minutes for her next schedule.

"Hey..." she heard RJ responded back. Maine bit her lip. RJ's voice didn't even reach the same tone that she did.

"Hindi ka talaga okay..."

"Uy..." RJ countered back. She heard some commotion on the other side of the line. Maine imagined RJ on the hosts' room, changing his wet clothes. She heard from Ate Pat that he has another TV commercial to shoot.

"Shoks..."

"Meng, huwag kang magpopost ng kahit ano sa Twitter huh? Please?"

Maine didn't answer him. She suddenly felt guilty because she's already brewing something to post later on Twitter.

"Meng...'yang silence na 'yan means something."

Maine did an eye-roll. RJ can totally read her like the back of his hand. "Eh kasi..."

"Tsk. Walang kasi-kasi. Don't let them affect you."

"I'm gonna repeat those back to you. Don't let them affect you RJ."

"I don't."

"Hah! Ako pa ba Shokoy? Kilalang-kilala na kita. Pati amoy ng deodorant mo kabisado ko na."

Maine smiled when she heard RJ laughed on the other line. "You really can make everything turn 180 degrees 'no?" she heard him say.

"This is all I could do Shokoy." Maine said. Her eyes started to get misty. She breathe deeply and exhaled slowly. RJ probably heard the sudden quiver on her voice because she heard him tsk-tsked.

"You don't have to let them know what is going on between us. We don't owe them that much."

"I know. It's just that...I feel like it's my fault. Yesterday was my fault." Maine answered back. She started to get engross on the loose hem of her jacket. She twisted it until it came off and afterwards looked for another loose thread. When she couldn't find any, she got upset and threw the cloth away from her. It landed on driver's seat.

"Naiinis na ako Shokoy!" Maine suddenly exclaimed and she cried. The slight tremble on her voice turned to an all out bawl. She was thankful that she's alone on the vehicle. She grabbed her hanky and plastered her face. She didn't hear anything from the other side.

When her cries turned to sob, she heard RJ heaved a breath. "Meng, huwag kang magsosorry. We both know it's not your fault."

"No. It was. Ang daming nag-interpret ng poem na ginawa ko. Ang daming nagbigay ng meaning sa mga ginawa natin kahapon. Ang daming nagalit sa'yo, ang daming naawa sa'ken. Ang dami---"

"Ang dami nilang inakala na mali. Maine, ano ba tayo? Ok o hindi?"

"Okay syempre."

"Iyon naman pala eh. Kahit ano pa sabihin nila basta 'yang four letters na 'yan or kahit two letters, or kahit ibaba pa nating one letter nasa ating dalawa, hinding-hindi ako susuko."

"Ako din ah?"

"Given na 'yun."

Maine sniffed. "Sabi ko tatawagan kita to make you happy. Ako pa tuloy ang pinakalma mo."

"Meng, alam mo namang marinig ko lang boses mo, kalmado na ako."

Maine smiled. Amidst her teary eyes and red nose, she felt elated. "Okay ka na?"

"Yes. Tanong mo bakit?"

"Bakit?"

"May mangsusurprise sa'yo mamaya."

Maine's eyes turned big and clasped her mouth in surprise. "Weh?!"

"Yep."

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Argh! Bahala na nga kayong fantards. Basta sila masaya. Hmpf!

Credits to Miss Gwendolyn Gayle for this TV screenshot.

Please enjoy!