Friends With Benefits (Mark Tuan Fanfic)

30

You didn't forget his voice. How could you? You hear it all the time - in your sleep, when you're on bed, even when you're working - his voice is everywhere. 

"M...Ma...Mark..." you stutter. "I'm sorry. I really am. You don't have to forgive me. I just...just...SORRY!" That's all you can say, you hang up. 

There are so many things you want to say to him - you're sorry, you treasured every moment you spent together, you miss him, you wish to undo all the wrong things you've done, you want to be with him again, you like him...no, you LOVE him.

But you can't say them, so you hang up. Your phone doesn't ring. He doesn't call back. You conclude he's not concerned anymore. 

Monday morning and you're still feeling like shit. You need to talk to Reno. You need to end things with him and find yourself again. This is all unfair to him. You can't hide in his arms anymore. 

"Reno?" Your heart beats faster and your palms get sweaty as you enter his office. 

"Hey there, princess." He stands up from his seat and hugs you. He notices the look on your face and he frowns. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"We need to talk," It might not be the right place or the right time, but you have to get it out of you. 

"What's up? Did anything happen?" You can see panic in his face. 

You take a chair and signal him to take the other in front of you. You take a deep breath and the look in his eyes want you to just forget about what you're about to say. But, NO. You have to do this - for him....for you. 

"You know I like you, right?" Tears are starting to form in your eyes but you fight it back. The expression on his face tells you that he has an inkling on what's coming up. His lips turn down to a frown and his eyebrows furrow. You close your eyes and continue. "The past week...no...the past months, you were always there for me. You've picked me up when I fell." 

He puts his head on his hands, realizing now what is going to come out of your mouth. Your heart drops as you see tears from his eyes. 

"You still love him?" His voice is weak. 

"I don't know." Now your tears come down, too. "What I know is, I can't do this to you. I'm being unfair."

"I don't care if you don't love me yet, Bel. I'm willing to wait." His begging face doesn't make it easier for you. He grabs your hands and puts them on his lips. 

"I'm sorry." You put your arms around him and cry on his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Reno. I tried to forget him through you. But, it's hard. I'm sorry."

His arms are hugging you tight. He doesn't want to let go, you can feel it. Both your shoulders are wet from each other's tears. 

Finally, he speaks again, "Are you going back to him?" 

You release your arms around him, look down at your feet and shake your head. "I can't."

You take an envelope from your bag and hand it to him. 

"NO, Bel." He pushes the envelope back, knowing what's in it. "You can break up with me if you want. But, I know how you love this place. You can't leave now." 

"I have to." You can't work with him. Guilt will just pull you down. You need time away from everything. 

"You can come back anytime, Prin....Bel." 

You stretch your legs under the sun. The waves hit your toes as they come crashing to the shore. The white sand beneath you feels warm on your back. Four days in Palawan and you're already well-tanned. Just last week, you were in Tibet taking pictures of the beautiful mountains there. The week before that, you were in New Delhi.