Hidden Meanings

Dear Ran [Man: Shipping One-Shot]

The following short letters were found in Miles Tucker's room, six days after Miles Tucker went missing. All of them are undelivered.

Dear Ran,

So...long time no see. I know you won't ever see this. But I'm still here. Without you. Lost. Broken. Dead inside.

Dear Ran,

I am severely overwhelmed with everything. It's come to the point that even small things make me feel like breaking down and crying. Everything is just too much for me now.

Dear Ran,

Sometimes, the world crumbles around me. I'll be fine but I know I won't be. Just like that. That quickly, my mind changes. I become engulfed in this storm raging inside my mind. I forget how to smile, how to laugh. All I know is that I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all. All I know that the pain in my head somehow becomes the pain in my body. My muscles ache and my limbs become weak and heavy. My my is spinning one thousand thoughts into a single moment of emptiness, and yet I try to keep it to myself. A secret kept to the grave. Fear takes over and silence ensues. My struggles are my own, not yours. Yet, why burden anyone with pointless thoughts that I can't even take? So. I just lay here. Alone. This body is a coffin, and I'm buried alive.

Dear Ran,

Help me, Ran. I know you're gone and now I feel like I'm sinking even deeper.

Dear Ran,

I feel like a bother people by just being alive. Why can't you be by my side again?

Dear Ran,

No one realized how close I am to drowning until you came along.

Dear Ran,

Are you aware the shape I'm in? My hands, they shake. My head, it spins. I can't do this anymore.

Dear Ran,

I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside. You spoke for me.

Dear Ran,

I don't love myself. But you did.

Dear Ran,

Faking a smile to those who aren't you is so hard.

Dear Ran,

People keep asking me if I'm okay. I want to stop lying to them.

Dear Ran,

Sometimes, when I say "I'm okay", I remember when you looked at me in the eyes, hugged me tight, and said "I know you're not".

Dear Ran,

You don't know the childhood I've had. How much I hate myself. How much my heart hurts. What I do to myself when I'm alone. How much I want to give up. How much I cry. Yet I found a light in you.

Dear Ran,

Stars can't shine without darkness. You're a star, I'm the darkness around you.

Dear Ran,

What am I supposed to do when I remember that you're never going to be here again, and everything crumbles around me?

Dear Ran,

I'm no longer the person who tried to keep your happiness in my heart. It's dead without you here.

Dear Ran,

Deep inside, where nothing's fine, I need you the most.

Dear Ran,

I loved you because you kept my demons away.

Dear Ran,

What if I feel this way for the rest of my life?

Dear Ran,

I realized that monsters don't sleep under your bed. They sleep inside your head.

Dear Ran,

Sometimes, the only thing I can do nowadays is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before I break apart.

Dear Ran,

I feel like everyone secretly hates me. Besides you.

Dear Ran,

I'm getting worse and your death isn't helping.

Dear Ran,

It's hard to forget someone you'll always remember.

Dear Ran,

At some point, I have to realize that some people stay in my heart, not my life.

Dear Ran,

A million words would not bring you back, since I know I've tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried.

Dear Ran,

I know deaths happen for a reason, but I wish I knew what the reason behind yours was.

Dear Ran,

Behind my smile is everything only you would understand.

Dear Ran,

I want you to be here so I can heal again.