The FEU's Secret Files 2

Heart

Heart

15 years old ako nang pilitin ako ng parents ko na ligawan ang isang babaeng never ko pang nakilala. I wasn't able to refuse dahil pinipilit nila ako, nag mamakaawa sila for the sake of our family business. For the sake of money. Na wala naman ako kaalam alam noon. Anak ng family friend namin na ka-sosyo ng parents ko sa negosyo. A girl from states. Dahil sa udyok ng parents napilitan ako. Niligawan ko siya. Na-fall siya sakin and I can feel it through the years that we're together. Tumagal kami ng five years. I've tried to love her back, tinuturuan ko ang sarili ko pero wala talaga akong maramdaman para sa kanya. But now I don't think na tama pa ang ginagawa ko. I know it's unfair on her part and also in my part na ipilit pa ang hindi naman dapat.

Sabi nila, if you don't love the person anymore, just leave. Don't do any infidelity. Wag nadin mag pretend na mahal mo siya kahit hindi naman na talaga. Mas lalo ka lang makakasakit.

Now, I don't want to stay anymore and I already met someone. I don't want to cheat on her. Ayokong mag dulot pa ng iba pang sakit sa kanya. But the problem is, she is sick. She has a serious heart disease. Maraming bawal sa kanya. Bawal maging sobrang saya, bawal mapagod, bawal sumama ang loob at bawal din maging sobrang lungkot. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya iiwanan o paano ko ie-explain at aaminin dahil baka may mangyari sa kanya. May pinagsamahan din naman kami that's why I still care.

Pero ayaw ko namang maging reason ang sakit niya to sacrifice my own happiness. I deserve to be happy with someone I love. But how can I tell her? Of course she deserves a proper closure. Or is it better to just leave without saying anything?

PS: Maybe I'm a jerk for taking this for so long. Pero kasalanan bang magmahal ng sa tingin mong tamang tao para mahalin mo?

Jude
2012
Institute of Nursing (IN)
FEU Manila