Kyle's Book Of Nonsense For Cool People

Unit 4

Introduction

There I was, 6:00 Sunday night. Oh, I thought to myself, I should probably write up the next unit to my book of nonsense. The enemies that stood in my way: another hour of reading for homework, dinner, and worst of all, not having thought through what to put in it in the first place. Eh, 75% of my writing is spontaneous anyways, it'll work out, right? If only I could have seen into the future. If only I would've guessed that the next part of the book would interrupt this monologue.

Character Interview Wall

Kyle: "As the most consistent wall of this book, you can be sure that it's yet another installment of my Character Interview Wall."

Hired Crowd: *claps ferociously*

Kyle: "This week, we have Aaron the Aron from What's So Great About Being A Trainer Anyways?!"

Aaron: *hops on conveniently placed chair opposite Kyle*

Adoring Crowd: "Awww... So adorable!"

Kyle: "Ah yes, the character that is really stealing the show. Or story. In this case the show."

Slightly Confused Crowd: *laughs nervously like all good crowds are supposed to do*

Aaron: *looks up at Kyle with his huge blue eyes in anticipation of the question*

Kyle: "So Aaron, it has been joked around by a certain LogicalCabbage that you should have your own fan club. How does this make you feel?"

Aaron: *miraculously starts floating in midair*

Astounded Crowd: "Ooooo!"

Aaron: *floats away*

Kyle: "What are you doing?! Where are you going?!"

Scripted Crowd With Their Scripted Reaction: "He must be headed towards Flora!"

Aaron: *exits stage and enters a room that looks like the inside of a pokeball, then is teleported away in a flash of red light*

Kyle: "How did you do that?! Does this mean that this stage is actually almost the size of a pokeball?! What's going on?!?!"

Slightly Amused Crowd: "Who knows!"

Piece of Life Wall

Fun fact: no matter how I decide to hold my utensils, including, but not limited to, spoons, forks, and pencils, it is always the "wrong" way to do it. How can there be a wrong way when it is functioning the way it needs to? This I have never understood, and I always just hold my utensils in whichever way feels natural that day. My mother jokes that someday I'm going to be on a date and the girl will just leave or something out of embarrassment. It can't be that bad, right? Now that I think about it though, I guess there might be a reason or two as to why my handwriting is so bad...

Conclusion

30 minutes of writing later, the monologue's interruption ends. But wait, I think, wasn't that actually the main content? Na, people definitely come for the introductions and conclusions, I lie to myself. It's hard being the Kyle whose job is to handle the boring segments, like plain white bread encapsulating the fillings of a sandwich. Can you imagine the pain of coming home each night to your imaginary house only to find your delusioned child watching the TV. "Hey dad," he says, "wasn't Character Interview Kyle so funny today?" Each and every night it hits harder. Can I not account for anything? Am I doomed for this future of never impressing anyone? Does anyone other than the other Kyles and I realize that each and every unit of this book is a heavily orchestrated piece of work that requires the multiple personalities of Kyle to coordinate their moves in a symphony of specially prepared nonsense? No, they will probably never know this. Nor will they probably read that huge crazy paragraph that I just typed, though there is hope. There is always hope.

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Disclaimer: Kyle does not actually have multiple personalities or any other mental disorder, nor does he mean to ridicule those who do.

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"Well that got out of hand :P" - Unpaid Kyle Intern, 4/10/2016