goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

one

tylers pov

its a Friday night, and here i am alone on the bathroom floor with a blade in hand. When did things get so bad? i thought about joshes perfect smile and how it could always make me smile even at my lowest.

We had grown up together, i dont remember a time he wasnt in my life. I had moved to a small town when i was 3, josh lived a couple doors down and we instantly became friends. In middle school Josh had come out to me as bisexual, a year later i had come out to him as gay.

i wish i could turn back time to the good old days, when i was happy. When highschool came around my schizophrenia got worse than ever before when a new voice introduced itself, blurryface. He told me things like how i was worthless and didnt deserve to live. I swear i would have killed myself if i didnt have josh in my life. I developed depression and every day it seemed to be getting worse.

until one day in February, 2 months ago i wrote a suicide note. while writing it i thought of what id do once i finished. i didnt plan to kill myself that night. i just thought it was good to have one so i could just leave it on the counter quick one night and go jump off a bridge or whatever.

My mom was rarely home, my brothers lived together in an apartment somewhere and my dad left when i was little. both my brothers moved out a couple years ago, one being 23 and the other 19, i cant help but feel they wanted to get away from me, or at lest thats what blurryface convinced me. As i sat on the cold tiles i was having all these flashbacks and remembering all those times i was going to kill myself and all the times i wish i had. i needed to get out of the house, so i call up josh.

*ringing*

"hello?" josh said happily. i could hear his smile through the phone

"hey are you busy right now?" i asked, i wanted to tell him about my feelings for him. ever since 7th grade ive felt this way, even if he didnt feel the same way i want him to know before i end my life.

"not really, are you okay?"

he had seen the cuts on my arm one day and i told him the whole thing. schizophrenia, depression, self harm.

"no. can you come pick me up i need to get out of the house"

"sure, pack a bag were having a sleepover"

i blush, "alright ill see you soon." i then hang up, pack a bag, tell my mom ill be at joshes for the weekend and head to the front porch and wait for him.

aye first chapter done!! i hope you guys liked it i know it's kinna a crappy start but bare with me I'm hoping it'll get better,, i plan on updating as much as possible! have a great day/ night byee