goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

two

i toss my red and white backpack on joshes bed, i was quiet the whole ride back to joshes house. i didnt want to talk about how pathetic i am that i needed him to rescue me. He looked up at me with the big brown eyes anyone could get lost in, there was something about the way he looked at me; i couldnt put my finger on it.

"how are you doing these days ty?" he seems liked he really cared

no he doesnt he doesnt give two shits about you. blurryfaces voice echoed in my mind.

"im okay" i shrugged, we both knew it was a lie

"c'mon you can talk to me babe, ive been there for you before and i am now."

did he just call me babe? does this means he likes me? no he would never like someone like you. i didnt know what i hated more, blurryface always attacking me, or how he was pointing out the truth.

"ty?"

shit. i fucked up

"i-im fine josh"

"whats wrong, you can tell me anything." he said soothingly taking my hand making strong eye-contact.

its been killing me, the fact i havent told anyone about the suicide note i had written up on my laptop, also my undying crush on the beautiful strong boy in front of me. i couldnt tell him either, but i couldnt not say anything. i mean josh isnt an idiot.

"its just been hard lately" i said, my voice shaking

"whens the last time you cut?" he pulled up my sweater sleeves. i didnt want to answer, it was last night

i gulped "last night"

he looked up at me and pulled he into a hug. we stood there for a while, i didnt mind. "i love you ty" no he doesnt "ill always be here to help in anyway i can" he pittys you. "i mean that" no one could ever mean that your unlovable

"im not sure if i can see this ever stopping" i said instantly regretting opening my mouth. it was true, cutting was my drug.

"well ill be here to make you feel better, even if its just a bit- its something" he said pulling away from the hug and sitting down on the bed.

"t-thank you jish" he blushed; he always did when i called him jish just like how i would when he calls me ty. my friends say were cute that way.

i felt good for a second. then it all happened at once regret of not already killing myself, the night before i was staring at a pill bottle about to take them all and end my life- then mom walking into the room so i didnt. youshouldhavetakenallthepills it was a constant chant in my head ever since it happened. and i should have. i was so overwhelmed i needed to kill myself i needed it i wanted it so bad i was shaking. josh noticed and put his hands on my shoulders keeping me steady.

"ty, is there something your hiding from me?" i swear sometimes he knew me better than i did myself

"well-" i looked down at my feet

"theres a couple things" fuck. why did i say that. now hes gonna find out. you're a goner and dont deserve to be loved

"please dont kill yourself" i look up shocked

"how did you know i wrote a suicide note?"

"i didnt, what the fuck tyler you need to stay alive, for me"

i looked up at the ceiling trying- and failing- to avoid tears

"im sorry, your the only reason ive lived this long"

"what was the other thing?" he said holding my cheek forcing me to look into his eyes, i couldnt lie to that face

"ive always had a thing for you" i said, a tear rolling down my cheek. anxiety filling up and choking me

he pulled me in for a kiss "i know, ive felt the same since 6th grade"

after a few seconds he pulled away and wiped away my tears.

"tyler joseph, you may not think it but i will make you believe you are lovely. i have no idea what or where i would be without you. it kills be everyday you being my friend" he held my hand "will you be my boyfriend?"

i smiled, nodded and kissed his cheek

just wait, this wont last

hey so idk if anyones even gonna read this but ive been thinking about this fic for a while and im glad im finally writing it out. sorry if theres any grammar or spelling mistakes and i know its not really the best written but i hope your enjoying it so far. also sorry for the kinna short chapters also ayee blurryface is introduced and all the italic will be blurryface talking

oki byee