goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

six

after josh picked me up i didnt say anything, we went back to his place where i continued to not explain what i had been doing at the bridge. i didnt have an answer, i still wasnt sure what was going to happen. josh and i cuddled under a blanket and watched Steven Universe until i fell asleep on his shoulder.

.

i woke up to me laying my head on joshes shoulder and him texting on his phone.

"goodmorning, how ya feeling?"

i groaned. he looked at me with a smirk

"you hungry?"

"not really" my mouth was dry and i felt trapped in my own skin i needed to be dead

"can i have some water? also can you talk to gerard for me. frank wants to take things slow" i lifted my head from joshes shoulder

"sure thing ty" he got up and came back with a glass of water. i sat up and took a sip.

i felt like shit. i should be dead and gone. i should have killed myself a long time go why was i still alive. brothers that hated me. a mom that hated me. myself; that hated me. who was i staying alive for?

"hey ty?"

"yea?" i looked up from my water. i had been so deep in thought i forgot i was even still in the same room as josh

"i know you dont want to talk about last night but stay alive for me" i couldnt deal with him knowing it was making things worse. or maybe things had gotten worse at the same time i told him, but there was no relation.

"i will. i feel better now. i dont know what i was doing last night but i feel happier now." josh smiled at that

"well that makes me really happy" he said blushing

i dont feel any better. i feel worse. i wasnt sure if he actually bought my obviously fake statement. i couldnt tell if dating josh was helping anything i was glad to finally be with him but things were getting bad and in the end we would be splitten up. so my choice was to break up with him while im still alive and possibly soften the blow of my suicide. or continue dating and after i kill myself possibly fuck up josh. but what if killing myself didnt work. josh and i would be broken up and i dont want that whatsoever. i didnt know what to do so i guess im not doing anything for now.

"im feeling kind of sick i think i might just walk home now"

"aw okay. you want gravol? or for me to drive you home?"

"thanks but im good"

"want me to walk with you?"

"honestly thank you for everything but im just gonna go home and get some rest it means alot you taking care of me"

"anything for you. i love you tyler" he loves me?

"i-i i love you t-too josh dun" fuck your a loser.

after a quick breakfast i got my bag and he kissed me goodbye. i walked out the door and the air was thick and smelt of dew from the rain last night. wasnt going home thats for damn sure. i needed to get things off my chest but that would require opening up to someone which im not comfortable with. but if im gonna talk to someone about my problems. frank iero is the man

i checked the time on my phone '11:28am' he might be up, maybe not considering its a sunday.

i called him. after what seemed like hours he picked up

"hello?" he sounded like he just woke up- which he did

"h-hey i know you were sleeping but i really need a friend right now im not comfortable talking about this with josh and your my best friend and i-"

"dont worry about it man im here for you. come over whenever. im up now"

"im outside right now" he chuckled

"let yourself in it should be unlocked. if not you know where the key is. let me get dressed really quick and ill be down soon"

"thanks your the best."

i hung up and let myself in like told. i kicked off my shoes then i took a seat on the couch and played on my phone til frank came down. what was i going to tell him?

ahh sorry another short chapter. i think most of them are gonna be around this length and ill just update a lot- or as often as possible. im enjoying this story and ik its crappy but i have some ideas for the future idk which ones will happen but yay im writing again ok, bye.