goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

nine

i woke up the the draining sound of my alarm clock. not much happened yesterday at school. it was just an average monday.

i got up, took a quick shower and poured some lucky charms into a bowl. usually i take the bus to school but lately josh has been giving me a ride. i get into the car.

"goodmorning ty, how are you this fine morning"

"ugh how can you be so happy this early"

"coffee"

we made small talk and arrived at school. the day went by slowly and i spend most of my time at school doodling either on paper or my hand. i tend to do okay in school getting mostly Bs or Cs i usually get my work done in class cause when i go home all i want to do is lay in bed and scroll through tumblr or watch netflix. finally came lunch so josh and i met up in the front of the school to eat together

"so" josh said in between bites of a sandwich "instead of taking the bus you wanna just ride with me to school every day?"

"yea, id like that" i said smiling

"cool, also for our date wednesday- is there anything you wanna do?"

"yea. just show up at the park by my house at 5"

"alright ill be there"

we talked some more then lunch was over. hes so damn cute i have no idea how im dating josh dun. i love that boy. there was a new kid in art class today. he said his was ryan. ryan seems like the quiet type like me. i want to be his friend but i doubt ill ever talk to him. i hate myself for that. i always do that. therd be someone cool i wanna be friends with but ill just quietly imagine it in my head while i do nothing. but hes new so he has no friends, maybe he would talk to me first? i doubt it. i fear of talking to new people which leads to anxiety pretty quickly.

school ended and josh dropped me off at my house. i sat on the couch on my laptop and hours became seconds. i looked up and it was dark. not like the sun went down. like pure black, not necessarily dark.

"you should be dead" came a deep voice from far away. i quickly looked behind me and there was nothing that i could see.

"you should have taken all the pills" the same voice said whispering close into my ear

"if you werent such an IDIOT" it yelled "YOUD BE DEAD"

it was true. i was an idiot that was supposed to be dead

"i mean your mom doesnt care about you. neither does the rest of you family. you think your gonna be friends with ryan HA" it laughed "thats hilarious. if you talk to him youll seem like a desperate loser and be an anxious mess. if he talks to you, youll get to nervous and say something stupid and STILL be an anxious mess." i felt so worthless. it was all true "so PLEASE talk to ryan itll make this easier for me and harder for you. oh god i can imagine it now. 'hey ryan im t-t-t-t-tyler'" he mocked in a high voice

"what are you gonna say"

"ill just compliment his art"

"hey ryan im t-t-t-tyler" he said snickering "i-i-i like your a-art" he burst out in a fit of laughter

"THeN whAT"

i put my hand into the shape of a gun and pointed my fingers to my head and pulled the trigger. i dropped my head and closed my eyes wanting to be dead. i opened them and i was on the couch with my laptop.

all i wanted was to be with josh. i needed a hug or to cuddle. or to just talk to him. i need josh

woo another update ima try and do another chapter tomorrow also you should leave me a comment im very lonely ( ° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ok but really you should. byee ily