goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

eighteen

it's 4am on a Monday morning i need to get up and get ready for school in 2 hours. i haven't slept since my dream with the exception of right after the dream (ironically). i had a lot of reasons for why i wasn't asleep but avoiding another suicide dream was definitely the biggest reason. my eye lids were like weights but i refused to sleep. I'd gone longer than this without sleep? why was i getting weak?

i reached for my laptop and started scrolling through tumblr; aka my favourite time killer

before i knew it i had scrolled through my dash and watched who knows how many YouTube videos and it was time to get ready for school. i pulled back my blankets set aside my laptop and begun the routine

-

i was sitting in art class staring at the clock time was slipping by so fast, life was slipping by so fast. and one day id wake up and have responsibilities and have to get a job and all that shit. I'm not ready. I'm scared.

"um.. Tyler?" a small voice spoke quietly to me. i ignored it thinking it was only in my head and resumed my intense staring at the clock

"tyler?" don't give in. it's in your head.

i was then poked on the shoulder and looked beside me.

"you okay there?" oh. it wasn't a voice in my head, it was Ryan. i should know that what the fuck is wrong with me. i should be able to identify his voice what the actual fuck

"y-yea" i tried to smile at him but it didn't come out right i averted my gaze back to the clock. oh god a whole minute went by and i didn't see. why am i so obsessed with the concept of time lately?

"okay"

i looked blankly at the clock. why am i still alive what am i living for. i have so many problems if anything if me helping me and everyone around me if i just did it. maybe if i more a plan not just the note i coul-

"tyler"

i glanced next to me where Ryan was

"yes?"

"wh- why are you-" his face was staring to go red. i looked around the room then back at him "s-sorry nevermind" what the hell noo what were you saying

"it's fine, what were you going to say" he was avoiding eye contact now

"are you sure your okay? you've been staring at the clock and- and.." he trailed off "you wanna just skip class and go talk" how would we even do that.

"uhm... sure" not like i had anything to lose

"okay you ask to go to the bathroom and I'll meet you at your locker in like 5 minutes"

i rose my hand and asked to go to the bathroom then quickly left the class without looking back.

i quickly and silently walked to my locker. the halls were empty since everyone was in class but i just started at the floor as a walked.

"on a mission?" i recognized the voice, but from where "sorry just.. your walking pretty fast and.. i dont know that was stupid"

i looked up and saw Gerard "oh h-hey"

"why aren't you in class?"

"why aren't you in class?"

"teacher didn't show up so I'm waiting for frank to get out of class" aw, that's kinna cute

"how are things going with frank?" i mean frank tells me everything in his life and i know things have been going great but i waned to know how Gerard though things were going

"pretty good i mean i really like him" he lowered his voice "i mean don't tell him this but I'm thinking of asking him to be my boyfriend" his face got red as a smile spread across his face

i smiled back at him "you definitely should, frank is probably to shy to ask you. I'm really glad things are goings good with frank"

"how things with..." he trailed off and was looking behind me "who's that" he whispered

i glanced back to see Ryan strolling towards us. "oh that's my friend Ryan" i said looking back to face Gerard he gave me an unbelieving look

"does Ryan know your dating josh?"

Ryan came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder "hey ty"

"Ryan this is joshes friend Gerard, Gerard this is my friend Ryan" i emphasized friend and looked Gerard in the eyes

"well I'm gonna start walking over Frank's class and wait outside there. I'll text you later Tyler"

"what did you want to talk about" i said facing toward Ryan

"who's Josh? who's frank? who are all these people?" i was confused as to why he cared so much

"Josh.. you know the guy with the pink hair. the one we had Lunch with a while ago. and frank is like, my best friend"

"oh right right sorry i forgot who Josh was"

he never did answer me to what he wanted to talk about. we just kinna hung out and talked about random irrelevant shit. then the bell rang

"fuck- do you just want to skip the rest of the day and go to my house?"

"uh.." i had plans with Josh after school but i couldn't say no. "s-sure" i pulled out my phone to text Josh that i didn't need a ride home. and walked with Ryan to his house.