goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

twelve

would you guys rather short chapters but more updates ((like every day or every other day)) or longer chapters and not as often updates like once or twice a week?? also im putting some lyrics in this chapter and for this and all the rest if theres any lyrics in italic its not blurryface talking just wanted to say that really quick

i woke up in a cold sweat and looked in the pile of blankets i call my bed for a gun and found nothing. a feeling of heavy guilt yet relief washed over me. my nightmare left a bitter taste in my mouth. i needed josh right now more than ever but i didnt want to become dependent on him incase one day he wouldnt be there.

i gave into the temptation and texted him

'jishua' right when i hit send i realized it was 6am on a saturday and josh wouldnt be up. so i texted frank in hope maybe he was

'fraank' after 10 minutes and still no response i remembered how ryan was up late that one night. and sure i wasnt gonna vent to him but just talking to someone better than nothing

'hey sorry if your asleep' wow could i have worded that more awkwardly

right as i had sent ryan a text i got one back from josh

'ty tf you up so early for' which was followed by 'nvm you just didnt sleep did you. goddamn it tyjo i told u to get some sleep'

'sorry'

'dont be what did you wake m up for babyboy'

ignoring his typo i replied quickly 'i did try and sleep but i had a weird dream with blurryface'

'is that normal??'

'meh, i guess not but something weird happened a while ago but its whatever'

'you wanna talk abt it'

'no actually- i think ima just sleep. night jishua ily'

'goodnight ty ily2'

i felt bad for waking him up so i had to cut it short. but just as josh sent the last text my phone went off again. i didnt even glance over at my phone. it was probably just a twitter notification or whatever. i stared up at the ceiling in the dark when a deep voice grumbled at me

"arent ya going to check your phone its probably josh breaking up with you. finally he realized what a worthless fag you are."

the voice sent a chill down my spine and i quickly turned on my lava lamp across my bedroom so i wouldn't feel as spooked. instantly the room became illuminated by a pink colour from the lamp. i sat back down on my bed and checked my phone. it was a text none other than ryan ross

'its cool im rarely sleeping at this time on a weekend lmao you okay'

'yea just couldnt sleep'

'well we can be insomniac buddies'

'hah sure why not'

'sorry that was stupid'

'nah its cool, were insomniac buddies'

we made small talk for a bit then around 7am the conversation died quickly. i stared at the lava lamp across my room as the lava danced around. it was memorizing as fuck. but i decided i should try and sleep again. i turned it off and was back staring at the ceiling. when lyrics made there way into my head. this is how i usually came up with my songs.

Petrified of who you are and who you have become

You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone

To exterminate your bones

Friend, please remove your hands from

Over your eyes for me

I know you want to leave but

Friend, please don't take your life away from me

-

i woke up and it was 1pm meaning i only got 5 hours sleep but that was good enough for me. i checked my phone where i had a few texts from frank, that were send twenty minutes ago.

'hey sorry i was asleep' 'are you okay' 'tyler joseph i stg' 'tYLER'

'yes, hello' i typed and immediately got a response.

'you okay'

'yup' i knew he knew i wasnt but he knows if i wanted to talk about it i wouldve been honest. frank respected that and didnt push which i loved about him. i layed in bed scrolling through tumblr, twitter and watching youtube. i looked at the time and it was 5pm, so i hadnt eaten in almost 24 hours i was hungry but didnt want to eat.

i made myself get up and go to the kitchen to find food. i looked around and i could hear the knives calling my name. i couldnt do this anymore i took a knife and headed for the bathroom. i locked the door and sat in the corner where i usually cut

im sorry frank.

Friend, please don't take your life away from me

i know all this has been Tyler's pov but i think I'll do the next chapter in joshes. short chapter sorry. i was busy yesterday and wasted my day today reading and now i have to study for a test tomorrow. procrastination at its finest.