goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

twenty two

Ryan came over and right away we watched 'it' once it ended we just kinna sat and talked for a bit about random crap. that's my favourite thing about Ryan. we can talk about whatever.

i started learning some new things about him. like his parents were divorced and he lived with his mom just like me. and even more like me his mom didn't like him. we talked more about our personal life when Ryan asked me a question

"why doesn't Josh like me?"

"it's not that he doesn't like you" i said not expecting him to ask that "he's just being jealous"

"oh, we're still gonna hang out though right?"

"Ryan. Josh won't change anything your still my friend and we're still gonna hang out don't worry."

he pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands and i began to have an uneasy feeling in my stomach "so what do you wanna do now?"

"are you hungry? i dont know about you but i still haven't eaten today."

i made us grilled cheese sandwiches as that's one of the very few things i can make without burning it.

the rest of the day was pretty chill. we hung out watched another movie and he showed me some cool bands, he came here around 12 and it was almost 11pm now. then his phone rang

"hello?" "yea" "i dont know" "what?" "ugh okay" "bye"

"my moms gonna pick me up soon, she's going out or whatever and wants me home."

"if you want you can stay over?"

"you sure?"

"positive."

Ryan texts his mom but is quickly shot down

"fuck she said no, sorry Tyler."

"it's cool we can still text though"

Ryan's mom texted him that she was out front. before putting on his shoes and leaving he said goodbye and instead of just waving goodbye he gave me a hug. it was a pretty long hug but it wasnt awkward.

we were texting for an hour after he left until he said he had to go take a shower. and that'd he'd text me once he gets out

-

its been almost an hour since he last texted me and i began to get another uneasy feeling. i texted him a few times asking if he was okay and i called him twice but there was no answer. it was almost 1:30am but its not like ryan to ignore my texts or be asleep at this time. especially since its not a school day.

i decided to say fuck it and walk over to his house. i went over to the front door to put on my old faded converse when i noticed a crumpled and folded piece of paper by my shoes.

i picked it up and unfolded it to reveal a letter

dear tyler.

your the only person in my life that cares about me so i decided you should have this letter.

although i left one similar to this on my kitchen counter for my mom to find. it literally just says 'sorry i killed myself its better off this way' and then a list of people i want at my funeral. ((i invited Brendon since we're still mutuals. so don't be shocked if he's there))

first off, im sorry. second, the reason i did what i did

there are alot of reasons but the main ones are my mom who made everything in my life worse. she was a daily reminder people didnt give a shit about me. another one were the other people not naming names but people who were always rude to me even when i did nothing wrong, even when i was just being a nice person and they just had to be an ass and act all douchey to me.

the last part was stained by what must have been a tear. i could feel myself starting to cry. i may not have known him that long but we were close. before i finished reading the note i texted frank to come over.

im finally dead and this is what i wanted. and just know that if im not responding to your texts or calls then it worked, because you know how i am. i could never ignore you tyler, your a great friend.

thank you for being there for me whenever i needed you. even when you had plans with josh you helped me when i needed it most. and i assure you, you couldnt have done anything to stop this. it is not your fault.

thank you tyler joseph for everything and for keeping me alive as long as you did.

love, ryan ross.

a tear fell from my eye onto the paper. my best friend had just killed himself. just as i finished reading it frank came bursting into my house and saw me crying on the floor

"ohmygod tyler joseph you gave me a heart attack whats wrong are you okay? let me see your wrists. you werent going to do anything were you?" he spoke quickly and out of breath.

i looked up at him.

"wait whats that?" he pointed at ryans suicide note

i handed him the note and he scanned it over. he sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug.

"i am so sorry tyler" he said holding back tears

"i cant believe hes gone" my voice was shaking

"wait" he said picking up the letter and pointing to the part where he talked about someone being a douchey ass to him.

"what" i wiped my eyes looking at frank

"tyler" frank averted his gaze from the paper to my eyes "hes talking about josh."

at that moment my heart shattered in two. i was feeling all the worst emotions at once.

"ohmygod, i cant belive this."

"im so sorry tyler" he gave me another hug this time not letting go. i hugged back and thought to myself

ryan is dead. my boyfriend is part of the reason. because he was jealous.

ryan ross, one of my best friends, had committed suicide.