goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

thirty

oh boy last chapter get ready

it was a warm summer night with a slight breeze. it was cold enough to wear a sweater so you wouldnt be cold but warm enough it wasnt to hot in a sweater. it was the perfect weather for a walk outside. it was around 11pm but since it was summer there was still a slight amount of light out.

i left the password of my laptop tapped to the screen and once you unlocked it i left the tab open with my suicide note.

i shakily walked the sidewalk down the road. there were no people and everything was still, i was alone. i stuffed my hands into the pockets of my black hoodie and walked a bit slower, i was in no rush i had to relax. for once.

anxiety filled up inside me blurryfaces whispered things to me, i didnt understand what he was saying but his tone was vile. and i hated this feeling but it made me more sure of what i was doing. i continued to slow my pace until i wasnt walking anymore.

everything was quiet.

everything was still.

i stood in front of the railing on the bridge

i removed my hands from my pockets, that were mostly covered as the sweater was a little big on me and hung off my wrists hiding my hands. i leaned against the rail and looked over it.

yup, itd be high enough.

i took a deep breath and tried to stop fucking shaking. i felt so worthless i didnt want to move or breathe or exist

it was raining an hour ago and the air was thick and the pavement was still wet. i heard the occasional car drive past, which was strange. acadia road was never busy. especially not at night

i got myself over the rail and was now sitting on it, i had my eyes shut as i slowly begun to lower myself from the rail and stand on minimal amount of concrete on the other side.

i could have sworn i heard a voice calling my name. it was so familiar and loving. i heard the voice call out my name. i sounded just like josh.

but it wasnt, i was alone. i had to be im just crazy, i always have been from the day i got diagnosed with this fucked up disorder. its just in my head hes not here.

one. last. breath.

keeping my hands gripped on the rail, i opened my eyes and saw that the drop seemed even higher up than before. a small smile crept its way onto my face, id finally be dead.

i let go of the rail and jumped without thinking

my thoughts as soon as i jumped were what i was half expecting

as i fell i felt good about my decision i stopped shaking just like id finally stop breathing

but this time i didnt wake up.