goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

fourteen

tylers pov

hot tears ran down my face and fell onto my wrist which was covered in bleeding cuts. i went to make a few more as if i hadnt enough, i took the knife and started at the top of my wrist just below my hand. as i went to make my final and deepest cuts, i heard the door open. mom said she shouldn't be home all weekend.

i didnt hear any talking yet, just footsteps.

"hes not there" a familiar voice spoke.

shit, it was frank

he tried to open the bathroom door but i had locked it. i could hear him trying to get it open

"oh my god tyler you promised me" frank sounded so hurt. how could i do that to my friend. i felt compelled to get up and unlock the door but i couldnt bring myself to.

i started crying gain when i heard frank talking to another person

"ughh do you have a bobby pin" frank grumbled

"let me try" fuck it was josh.

nonononononononononononononono i wanted it all to stop no

josh got the door open and frank stepped in and closed the door behind him. he sat down next to me and talked to me comfortingly for a while. he took the knife out of my hand and helped me up.

-

we went to my room i sat down on the end of the bed and held my face in my hands. frank and i talked more and he seemed to know how to make me feel a bit better. but frank knew i was on the verge of suicide so he handled this differently. anything josh knew was from the little amount of things i told him. i also told him i didnt plan on killing myself so this was unexpected for all i know on his part.

he walked through the door and frank immediately stood up from where he sat beside me. he said something to josh but i couldnt hear over the panic i had of josh knowing how bad things were getting.

frank closed the door and josh sat next to me where frank had been previously sitting

"hey tyjo" he spoke softly

"t-tyjo?"

"yea.. like tyler joseph" he half smiled trying to lift the mood i tried to laugh but it cause out as a sad excuse for a giggle

"im sorry" i rested my head on his shoulder wiping away tears

"why didnt you want to talk about this"

"i-i" why didnt i want to tell josh about all the details? "i was scared you wouldnt like me anymore"

he put his arm around my shoulder "well i still like you, i love you" he took a second to breathe, it sounded as if he was holding back tears "i just want to be there for you, you mean alot to me tyler"

"you mean alot to me too im sorry i didnt tell you. i just usually talk to frank about this stuff cause hes going through and has gone through similar stuff and i-" i lifted my head and looked him in the eyes "well what do you want to know"

"when did you start cutting?" i felt a sinking feeling. josh didnt know alot about this part of me, barely anything

"do you really want to know, i dont want to hurt you"

"go on" he leaned back on his hands

"ok im just gonna tell you the main stuff" i took a deep breathe and paused

"i started cutting two years ago i cant even remember why i just kinna blocked it out things got a bit better than got alot worse" i went into full detail about my depression and all that good stuff when came the reason we were sitting there in that moment.

"then just this past summer" i broke our eye contact and looked down and my hands

"i-i started feeling suicidal i guess and i- tried to kill myself i-in september and october both overdose b-but both times i just threw them up before any damage was done" i felt tears rushing down my face "im sorry" i spoke weakly, he was bringing me into a hug

and with that i ended my story. i told him about how i would go to frank. very briefly on franks suicide attempt. just what he usually told people, the whole. 'i tried to kill myself i got hospitalized and they sent me home cause they thought i wasnt a threat to myself' also about the house key thing because if something like thing happened or something else i guess. i told him everything i had told frank.

"you can trust me y'know?" he took my hand in his "with anything. if you just need to rant or talk or if you need someone to take your mind off things im always always here for you"

"i just dont want to become d-dependent on you"

"yes but theres a difference between dependent and letting your feelings out" he held my face with his hand and looked me in the eyes "im always here for you" and for once blurryface let me be. and i believed josh. he must really care for me.

"so howd you get here anyway?" i let myself smile as i knew thats what josh needed right now, what i needed

josh then told me in full length how he and frank got here.

sorry if this is all over the place i just wanted to have tylers side of the story in the bathroom part but also i didnt want to repeat what had happened in the last two chapters when tyler and josh were talking so i hope you didnt mind that. i hope youre having/had a great day thank you for reading