goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

eleven

when did this get so many reads two seconds ago there were like -8. thank you for reading fren

another friday night. another blade in hand. another second wasted being alive. i slid the cool, sharp metal across my skin. reopening some cuts and creating some new ones. it was beginning to become a routine. i thought about how i was in the same mess last friday. but the only difference i wasnt going to text me to come rescue me. im not worth rescuing.

i didnt want it to be this way but i didnt know how to be any other way. it was eating at me, after i cleaned me up wrists i retreated back to my room where i sat on my bed and went on my laptop. then i remember the encounter i had with blurryface while i was on my laptop last time. what triggered that? where did that come from? and why?

at this point i was a crying mess of blurryface reminding me of all the terrible things i am and i was back on the bathroom floor cutting for the second time today. i just want to talk to someone but i dont. i want to tell someone but i dont want to say the ugly words. i want to be comforted but i dont want to open up. i wa- my phone buzzed on the floor next to me. josh was calling. i wiped my tears and tried to pull what i had left of me together.

"h-hello?" it was almost midnight and when josh wanted to hang out he usually called right after school. i had no idea why he was calling

"hey what are you up to" fuck.

"nothing, you"

"you have to be doing something" he chuckled. well im crying. cutting. waiting for death

"watching steven universe. why?" it came out harsher than i meant "s-sorry"

"just making sure you were doing okay. also do you know what today is?" he sounded excited

"uh friday?"

"no! well, yes but no. its our one week"

"oh, yea i- happy one week" i was somewhat new to the whole dating thing but. a week was 7 days, it wasnt that long. but it was a miracle hes been my friend for more than a week nevermind boyfriend.

"do you wanna hangout tomorrow. sorry we couldnt tonight my mom made me learn how to do laundry which surprisingly took forever" i could literally hear him smiling

"sorry cant. im not feeling good" i felt bad saying no.

"aw its okay, i hope you feel better soon ty. get some rest ill text you tomorrow. i love you"

"i love you too, bye"

and with that i hung up. i was sick in the sense,, mentally sick. i really wasnt doing good and im in no shape to be socializing.

the rest of the night consisted of texting josh, him telling me to get some sleep, watching youtube and hiding under the blankets crying in attempt to escape blurryface. i fell asleep around 4- which for the nights i slept was normal.

in my dream i was sitting on a floor somewhere. it was dark and the room was really big. i sat there cold, wrapping a big blanket around me. for some reason in that moment it made me feel comfort that when i died nobody would care and i mean nothing to this world or to our whole universe. i sat there for a while when i heard shuffling behind me. i looked back seeing two glowing eyes looking back at me

"hello tyler" blurryface spoke. i had never seen him before and im not sure if this would count since i was only seeing his red eyes.

"nice to finally meet" he spat with a cold dark voice that seemed to be whispering and yelling into my ear all at the same time

"w-what do you want" i hid my face in the blanket i had

"we both know what i want. want we want." he handed me something and with a blink he was gone and i was alone in the big empty room.

the dark room slowly started to illuminate with a dull yellow light blub that hung high above me. as the room grew brighter i saw what blurryface had handed me. i looked at it wide eyed. part of me knew it was a dream but it felt so real. i held the cold object in my hand and of course i knew what he wanted. and blurryface was right i wanted it too. i looked at the object in awe there was no question about it. i knew why he had handed me a gun

this chapter is super short and crappy compared to the last one but its an update so aye, i hope you're enjoying the story so far cause ive been enjoying writing it. this was low-key kinna a filler chapter so im sorry if its bad.  bye ily