goner. ;; a joshler fanfic

seventeen

sorry if this chapter is kinna cliché but i got inspiration for the last chapter and some of this one a couple nights ago and thought It'd be good for this- i dont even know also would it be weird to change pov in the same chapter??

right as i would have landed i jolted awake. i usually didn't dream or atleast i usually didn't remember them. but this i could remember every little detail.

the warm air, the slight breeze, my hoodie, everything it was so real, to real.

i went to check my phone and it was 4am. i was exhausted so i figured i should take advantage of this rare occurrence and sleep

i rolled over pulled the blankets up over my head. right as i would have fallen asleep a sharp buzzing noise ran into one ear and out the other and i was jolted up again.

this continued for another two hours and finally whatever it was let me sleep

-

i woke up in a daze and it took me a few seconds to process where i was. i didnt feel like i was alive. maybe it wasnt a dream and i had finally killed myself. and this was the afterlife.

or maybe my theory was right. that everytime you try to kill yourself you succeed and wake up in a parallel universe identical to the last one only your suicide hadnt worked, i have alot of time to think about these things.

i sat up and searched the sheets for my phone. i unlocked it and opened the phone app

now do i call my boyfriend, or my best friend

i decided to text frank because i would be able to tell josh later today but i wanted to get it out first. because if i told frank he would know how to handle it. but i also made a promise with josh to tell him everything. after i had texted him i took a second to think

i shouldnt tell anyone about this. i shouldnt have told anyone about my suicide note. because that got me saved before. and i didnt want to be saved.

i was struck out of my thoughts by the ping of an unread text message from frank.

i took a deep breath and called frank

'hello?'

'h-hey'

'you okay you sound a little worried'

'i-no i just- last night' i said trying to keep myself together

'fuck tyler what did you do'

'no i didnt do anything like that' i sensed frank thought i came close to ending my life again

'then what' he sounded eager to know

'i had a weird dream'

'oh. i was expecting..' there was a pause. i wasnt sure if he was going to keep talking 'i dont know just not that'

'it-i it was r-really vivid and shit' i was shaking so bad i could barely hold the phone up to my ear

'tyler whatever it was you can trust me'

'i know im sorry its just-'

'dont be its fine' he quickly cut in then waited for me to me finish

'in the dream i k-' my phone vibrated from josh texting me 'hey when did u wanna hang out today??'

'fuck tyler' i guess he heard the 'k' sound and filled in the blanks

'i jumped off a bridge and killed myself.' i said quick in one breath forcing myself to say it 'i woke up m-mid fall though'

'oh tyler' frank said quietly and took a breath before speaking again 'you arent going to be alone today are you'

'no'

'good. tyler if you need anything. i mean anything im always here for you'

'i know and thank you. and same here man. okay but this is really cheesy im gonna hang up now'

'bye tyler ill text you later'

-

after i texted josh any time was good for when we would hang out. he told me to go over whenever. so i almost immediately started walking over. i liked these kind of days. it wasnt to bright out. really cloudy and it was a rainy kind of day with a slight breeze. as i looked around i remembered that this is what the weather had been like in my dream.

i walked up to the door and took a deep breath feeling off from my dream. i knocked quickly and stood there awkwardly til josh came out.

he brushed a stray pink hair out of his face and smiled at me.

"come in" i did as told and walked in

"how are you ty"

"i-i dont know" my voice was shaking i hope josh hadnt noticed

he took my hand and lead me to the couch

"did anything happen" he asked worriedly as we sat down

"yea." i took a deep breath thinking over the dream "i had an odd dream"

"what happened"

i then said the same thing i did to josh as i had frank. but a bit more detail to the surroundings, and how the weather was identical to todays

"tyler.." he said softly and took my hand "please dont kill yourself you mean so much to me, and frank and-"

"i wont i just- i dont know why i had that dream"

"well im here now" he smiled and god i could melt right then and there he was so perfect. so beautiful

"i know and thank you for that" i pulled him into a hug and stayed like that for a bit

"you mean alot to me too" i said quietly into is ear

"i love you baby boy"

"i love you too jish" and i meant it. i love that boy so much, every time i see him its like a reminder theres still some good left in my shitty life. i love him so much