Bare Hands (Sequel To No Sympathy)

Loss

I leave the elevator feeling lost, broken and empty. Like I've just loss the one thing that fueled my very existence.

Mainly because I have.

I trudge down the winding hallways of Candor trying to find myself again. I keep telling myself that I should go apologize for what I said, but I can't find it in me to be sorry. The first key to love is trust, and if she can't trust me, how can she possibly love me?

I'm not going to chase after someone who doesn't want me, which seems likely, but at the same time, I invite I can't go on without her. I remember a life without her but I can't imagine living one with her not in it. It took me eighteen years to find someone I could trust; someone that understood me. I'm not sure if survive much longer with her gone. That would leave me empty and hollow, something I'm not ready to face.

When I look up, I see that I've somehow made it to the door of the dinner hall, and instead of turning around, I decide to go in. After all, I haven't eaten since Amity and it's starting to take its toll.

As I walk to the counter to get my food, I pretend that I don't feel all of the cursory glances of the Candor boring into me - their stares seeing right through my tough attitude now that they know my secrets.

But I don't just feel the Candor's gazes. I also feel the Dauntless's gazes, but theirs conveys an entirely different message, and it hurts a lot more.

You're a coward, Four. They seem to say, You never belonged with us. You lied to us.

I try my best to ignore them but they're tearing apart.

But I don't let them see that.

After I have collected my food, I sit down at an empty table close to the back of the room and eat in silence.

After a few minutes of chowing down, someone snaps their fingers in my face. I quickly turn around, making sure whoever it is can't do it again. But when I see who it is I am pleasantly surprised.

"Shauna." I say, standing up and wrapping her into a hug. "I heard you were here."

She hugs me back." It's good to see you, Four." She says before retracting from the hug and sitting down next to me. I feels so good to know that not all of my friends are gone, and I can't stop laughing. That I am, until I catch sight of the sadness evident in her face. Gone is the jolly gleam in her eyes. It had been replaced by what she's an and been through.

"So it's true then... " I start, but she looks slightly confused, so I elaborate." About Zeke, I mean."

The second I say it her face falls and I instantly feel bad for erasing the happiness that was on her face just a second ago, even if it was only a fraction of what used to be.

"I just can't believe he joined up with them... You know?" She says, her voice thick with emotion. "I feel like I never really knew him..."

I hate the sadness in her voice and I wish there was more I could do, but at this point, I doubt it. So I bid Shauna a farewell and leave the hall.

I need to see Tris.

I quickly make my way back to where we slept last night - the last time we were on good terms - and weave my through the beds until I spot Tris conversating with Lynn and another girl I don't know. She smiling, one of the real smiles I miss seeing on her face so much. As I get closer, I catch the end of their conversation.

"Ready to go?" Lynn asks.
Where are you going?" I ask, walking closer to them. Tris looks up and a somber expression replaces her joyous smile, and I hate that I did that to her.

Nevertheless I stand there waiting fit her to answer, but instead of Tris, Lynn answers me.

"The top of the Hancock building to spy on Erudite. You up for it?" I fight the urge to cringe in front of them. I instead look at Tris, remembering the time she accompanied me into my fear simulation.

"That's okay, I have something to take care of. Have fun though." I say.

"Alright. Your loss. Come on guys!" Lynn calls to Tris and the other girl as she starts off towards the elevator. Buy before Tris can go with them, I touch her arm so that she knows that I have something to say to her.

To my dismay, she shrinks away from my touch and my heart feels like it's crumbling in on itself.

"See you later." I manage. "Don't do anything stupid."

Shr frowns at that." Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Before she can walk away, I touch her shoulder slightly. "What I meant was, don't let anyone else do anything stupid. They'll listen to you." I have the sudden impulse to kiss her but I hold back. I'll kiss her when we're back on good terms.

She nods and follows Lynn into the elevator, leaving me to stand there feeling very stricken.

+++

Yup this chapter was sort of boring. Again I apologize for updating so late. An emergency came up in life today and I needed some time to recollect myself. Thanks for reading though! I got into the High School I applied to!! YAY! I hope you guys enjoyed this! =)