Bare Hands (Sequel To No Sympathy)

Sick

As soon as I make these revelations, a wave of angry overtakes me.

She should be gone. I tell myself.  If she loved you she wouldn't have lied and left you.

But no matter how many times I try to convince myself that it doesn't matter if she's gone or not, my mind stays on Tris longer than usual, going over all of the possible scenarios about where she is now and what she's going through.

She has Christina with her and that makes me slightly happier to not know where she is. Surely she wouldn't let her best friend get hurt.

At least I hope she won't.

+++

By the time everyone gets up and realizes that Tris and Christina are missing, several of the Dauntless assemble a search party to find them but end up coming up with nothing.  It appears that they've simply disappeared.

All the while I sit alone in Marcus's house staring at the four walls in my room and going over my years before Tris.

Before Dauntless I was a weak little boy.  But before Tris I was a coward, a nobody named Four that everyone feared but no one knew.

And then I met Tris and everything changed.

She inspired me to be better than I was, a braver, softer version of myself.  

She helped me become Tobias again, but as a new person.

I thank God for her everyday and not having her with me - especially without knowing where she is - eats away at me more every second.  

I can only pray she'll come back soon.

+++

Time flies past and eventually it's the day of the attack.

Everyone not shot with transmitters - or Divergent - gather in the house we did last time and Evelyn assigns groups and hands out guns.

I take two, tucking one in my waistband choosing to hold the other.  You can never be too careful.

I get assigned to the Control Room alone and I decide it's for the best.  That way, if I see Tris, no one can call me out for abandoning the mission and making sure she's okay.  I don't fully agree with this but knowing that it could help me find Tris, I'll gladly go.

We head out in the wee hours of the evening in order to hopefully get there by nightfall.  Evelyn thinks it will be best because the dark will provide us with cover.

I begin to get jittery once Erudite comes into view.  Several simulation-induced Candor are guarding the many alleyways surrounding Erudite Headquarters.  They move mechanically and I seriously doubt that they can see straight.  My best guess is that they react only to sound.

As we near the building we split up.  At the last minute, Uriah decides to tag along with me claiming he'd be safest with someone that knows how to control themselves.  I decide to allow him to stay, figuring that he probably will assist if and when I see Tris.

Banking on the fact that the Candor guards only respond to sound, we sneak around them and take a back entrance into the building, making sure to open and close the door as silent as possible.

Although the hallways are still a maze to me, we find our way around and sooner rather than later, find the control room.  Only praying that whoever was in charge of the cameras have shut them off by now, we shuffle to the door.  The door is unlocked, meaning that at least someone is doing their job.

But just before we can go in, I spot several figures moving down one of the hallways. 

One of them looks a lot like Tris.

Without thinking I take off in that direction, but I'm too far away.  By the time I reach where she was no one's there.  

She must've went into one of the doors. I tell myself.

Uriah comes up to stand beside me.  "We'll alternate doors until we find her." He says, somehow guessing exactly what's going through my head.

Surprisingly, I find it inside of myself to smile at him.  He grins.  "What're friends for?"

While he finds a door to go into, I choose one also, but the second I enter something starts to feel off.

It's just a gigantic room with nothing but a table in it.  Clearly Tris isn't here.

But when I turn back around to leave the room the door has disappeared.

What the heck?! I think to myself.

All of a sudden I hear a scream behind me.

A scream that sounds like it belongs to Tris.

I swivel back around so quickly I think I'll fall on my face. 

What I see makes me want to fall anyway.

Marcus is on top of a large platform holding Tris by her injured shoulder with his arm around her neck. Tris would probably get out of it if it wasn't for him gripping her shoulder.

And suddenly I know what's going on.

This is a simulation.  

And the worst one I've been in at that.

"Tobias." Marcus says.  I glare at him.  "Grab the gun."

My eyes fly to the table that, just a second ago, was empty.  Now on top of it sits a lone gun.

I know what he expects me to do.

Only, I won't satisfy whoever is running this simulation by torturing myself. 

This ends now. I think to myself.

Slowly and controlled I walk to the table and pick up the gun.  After examining it I point it at Tris and put my finger on the trigger.

Marcus smirks.

But just before I pull it, I shift it just slightly and point it at Marcus.

The bullet exits the gun and makes impact-

With Tris.

Suddenly this simulation seems very real.

With Marcus smirking at me still I break into a sprint and climb the raised platform.  It's surprisingly easy as long as I don't think about falling.

When I get to the top the first thing I see is Tris's lifeless body sprawled across the platform.  Her eyes have gone glassy and her skin already looks pale blue, like her air was being cut off for too long.

This only fuels my anger even more.

Without another thought in my mind I raise the gun, point it at Marcus, and pull the trigger.

The bullet doesn't miss this time, but in the split second before he falls off the platform his face changes.

To mine.

And all of a sudden I recall everything that just happened just replacing my face with Marcus's.

It makes me sick even though I know I'd never do any of this.

I drop to my knees in front of Tris and kiss her now cold forehead.  Staring at her face is going to break me I'm sure but whatever I do doesn't matter here.  It's a simulation.

But that doesn't make it any less devastating.

Tears begin to flow from my eyes faster than I can ever remember them.  They feel weird on my face but somehow familiar also.

And then the platform is knocked out from under me and I'm falling, falling, falling through the air faster than I could ever imagine.

+++

I decided to end it here guys... sigh...I'm over here about to make myself cry writing my own story and listening to Heathens by Twenty One Pilots...Definitely a very emotional chapter.  I think this has been my favorite to write so far.  Four is such a mysterious, complicated character, it reminds me of me so much it sometimes scares me...So it's nice to see his soft, vulnerable side come out once and a while. Hope you guys enjoy this! The next chapter will definitely be the last, so be ready!!