Payback

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No matter how many times I tell myself that Peter wouldn't dare allow Tris to get hurt, or that twelve days is no time at all, I can't shake the feeling that they're doing something despicable to her there. And if I'm worrying about Tris - which I am - my mind is jumbled and won't let me rest, so sleep isn't an option.

I instead decide to go to the cafeteria. I haven't had a substantial meal in a few days.

I get my lunch - a burger and some fries - and go to sit down at Zeke's table. Shauna wasn't well enough to come along and it's clear the impact of has on him.

On my way to his table, someone snaps in my face.

I jump slightly and turn towards them, ready to show them exactly why you shouldn't snap on my face.

But whoever did it must have run because there's no one next to or behind me.

I'm about to turn back around when someone walks up to me and points to something behind me.

"Look who just made an entrance." I don't know him at all, but still I follow his finger and then I see who he's pointing at I freeze. "What're you gonna do now, Eaton?"

It's Marcus.

But I don't know why I still feel like this. I was supposed to have gotten over this fear in Amity, but somehow it's followed me here.

So there's only one way to end it once and for all. To set the records straight.

I move past the guy in front of me and put my tray of food down on a random table. I've lost my appetite.

And then I walk over to where my father is, looking mighty lonely with no other Abnegation around.

He's right where I want him.

When I'm close enough to him I yank him forward and punch him in the face.

This feels so very good.

He falls to the ground, clearly surprised and frightened.

I move so that I am looming over him while he cowers beneath me, just like he did to me all those years ago.

I undo my belt.

"This is for your own good." I say, my voice flat.

It's time to end this once and for all.

And then I'm bringing the belt down again and again, relishing his screams and seeing him writh and shield his face from the impact.

Out of the blue someone starts yanking me away from him, trying to take away this power I have acquired.

I'm about to turn around and smack whoever it us away but then I see Lauren's concerned face and despite all of the things she's done even when I told her how I felt, she seems to genuinely care.

I drop the belt, shake her off of me and leave the room.

+++

What I just did is supposed to make me feel powerful, like I'm fearless and only have 3 fears left to overcome, but instead it just makes me feel empty and alone.

I wish Tris were here.

I go to the bathroom to tend to my split knuckles. When I look in the mirror I no longer see the boy that is neither Tobias or Four,

I see a younger version of Marcus.

The look on my eyes is so similar to the look on his after he beat me that I tear my eyes away and leave the room.

I've replaced one fear with another.

I'm no long longer afraid of my father.

I'm now afraid of becoming my father.

And I'm not doing a very good job preventing it.

+++

Such a deep chapter... Hopefully you guys enjoyed it!! =) Thanks for all the awesome comments!

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