One and Only

Part 8

One and Only - Chapter Eight

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Lauren's POV
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I awoke with a dull pounding in my head, staggering to my feet. It felt like I hadn't supported weight on my legs for days as they shook to maintain my balance. Memories from this weekend were flooding my mind and I clenched my teeth in response. I cursed myself for calling Mark on Friday-it was a weak moment of mine. I was not supposed to have weak moments. Slipping on some panties and a tank top, foregoing the bra, I walked into the living room area and saw Camila out of the corner of my eye sitting at our dining room table, where we never ate. I made my way over to her, glancing outside of the window. It was a little dark outside. I briefly wondered what time it was.
Camila glared at me, her arms crossed. "It's six in the evening, Lauren." She said, answering my unasked question. "We should talk."
"Oooooh." I sat down, running a hand through my unwashed and uncombed hair. "That's very formal of us."
"Rough night?" She quipped.
I flashed her a smile. "I don't remember."
Camila cringed at my response, closing her eyes periodically before opening them again, staring at me. "Adam told me something."
"I bet he tells you lots of things." I said, not understanding where this was going.
"He said you called him." She paused, waiting for a reaction out of me. When she got nothing, she continued. "About Gabrielle."
I straightened up in my seat. "That little prick." I said to myself. "He can't keep one thing under wraps."
"You stood there and played dumb when I asked you why you broke up with her. It wasn't because you didn't feel the same way-it was because of me."
"It's not like I necessarily lied." I reasoned, defending myself. "I really didn't have strong feelings for the girl."
"You kept the real reason from me and yet you went to go tell Adam?" She leaned back in her chair a little, her hands still tightly clasped around each other. "What the fuck, Lauren?"
"I apologized to Adam and I felt like he should know that I ended the relationship with her. After all, it was my fault Gabrielle was even here to start putting ideas into his head like that. I felt he should know the deep care I have for you."
She watched me intently. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me."
Without realizing, I rolled my eyes. She really had the audacity to say that to me? Did she not remember that she had kept a huge secret from me? "I'm sorry you feel that I should have told you something instead of keeping it to myself. If it was something more important, like, oh, I don't know, moving to another state, then I would have made sure to tell you. But telling you about a petty breakup that would only make you feel worse didn't seem that important at the time."
Camila frowned at my reference to California. "That's different." She whispered.
"Exactly." I said. "So, why are you mad that I didn't tell you about one little thing that doesn't even matter?" I had to remind myself to keep the volume of my voice down; control my breathing. "You're moving across the fucking country, Camila. You didn't think that that was information I wanted to know about?"
She sighed. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"You didn't want to hurt me? Your smug ass little fiancé thought it was brilliant I didn't know. I'm sure that calmed his worries about us."
"What worries?" Camila questioned.
"Ask him yourself. We aren't finished talking about this. I can't believe you. How long have you known?"
"A couple of months." Her voice was small, almost undetectable.
"How long?" I demanded.
"Ten months!" She exclaimed. My index finger and thumb pinched together at the bridge of my nose as I tried to ease the throbbing sensation in my head. "He told me on August 6th-it was Tuesday-of last year at some fucking Starbucks, like it was nothing, like I didn't have a say in the matter, and I came home at exactly 5:47 P.M.-I had been standing outside of our loft for almost an hour-and I had every intention of telling you then but you had made us dinner-it was lasagna-and you were so happy and I didn't want to-"
"Hurt me?" I interrupted, finishing her sentence.
"Yes." Her whole body slacked.
"You should have told me."
"I know."
"Were you even planning to tell me or were you just going to leave one day and not come back? Were you going to send me a postcard in the mail saying, 'Nice knowing you. Sorry I bailed.'?"
"I'm not bailing on you, Lauren. I'll come to visit and you can come visit me."
I chuckled bitterly. "That's a fucking joke. You really think Adam would go for that?" I shook my head, my voice staying at a low level this entire time. This was where it needed to be at. "You know what I think, Camila? I think that you don't have a clue on what you're doing."
"You're probably right." She murmured.
"Let me ask you something, and I want the truth: do you really love Adam?"
"Yes." She answered immediately, not even blinking.
I took a deep breath. "You know, it's funny-the amount of people who underestimate me, especially when I'm drunk." I saw her face fall a little as I glared at her. "You said you would tell me if shit like this was happening but instead you waited until I was intoxicated to confide in me about your true feelings so that I wouldn't remember." Camila looked away for a moment, gathering herself before she looked back at me. "You just lied straight to my face, Camila, like it didn't mean a thing. How am I supposed to believe anything you say to me? I don't know what's happening to us but I really hope you're happy with the decision you're making." Camila wiped a tear from her eyes. "I'm going out." I informed her, walking back to my room to get ready.
In the shower, I began to try to reason this whole situation out. After that conversation, I remembered why I had called Mark on Friday. I hated feeling like this. Camila was the only person in my life that was the exception to almost anything, and now she's leaving? And with some guy she said she didn't even love. Did she want her fairytale life so badly that she was willing to tie herself to a man whom she felt nothing for?
I huffed, now out of the shower, forcefully looking through the dresses in my closet, the rapid sound of the hangers gliding across the rod filling the room. I was topless now, wearing only a pair of black lace panties. I couldn't wait to meet a girl tonight to take my mind off of things. I hadn't been lonely in years now, the unwelcome thoughts of my mother's abandonment and father's unlikeliness to be around me coming up again. My mind wandered back to when I was still in high school. The only company I ever had was my father's secretary, who he was obviously sleeping with. She was always around our massive house, just waiting for him to come around. He rarely did, though, and I will have her desperate expression etched into my mind forever. She was in love with him and he didn't care. Who could blame him though? His daughter had turned out just like him.
I remembered my father's partner in business-Mr. Hass, or as I called him: James. I was his mistress-his young, underage, secret mistress. Of course, my father and his family were very close. It was always interesting to see Mrs. Hass at the dinner parties, but, then again, that was because I was fucking her husband in the upstairs bathroom. The memories of it made me shudder. I had stopped seeing James a couple months after I had met Camila, even though I had spoken to him since. I guess something changed in me, like I realized what a shitty thing I was doing. I had told Camila the year we moved in together-freshman year in college. I truly thought she was going to end our friendship. Who would want to be friends knowing something like that about me? But she stayed, of course, reassuring me that I wouldn't ever feel lonely again, even without James. I frowned; she was right: there was no way I was going to ever feel like that again. I wouldn't allow it.
I hadn't realized I was crying until I heard Camila behind me. "Lauren." She said. I discreetly wiped at my eyes, turning around. She blushed at the sight of me. I couldn't exactly tell why-she had seen me topless many times before. "Why are you crying?" She asked, suddenly becoming concerned. Camila stepped forward and I back.
My tears stopped at my silent command. "Do you remember James?" I questioned. Her eyes widened in alarm. "I wonder if he's still with his wife." I turned back around to the closet, looking more thoroughly for a dress to wear tonight. I thought back to the last time he and I talked-maybe a couple of months ago. We never spoke of Mrs. Hass.
"Why?"
"I was just thinking about him." I shrugged.
"Oh, Lauren, you aren't going to contact the man, are you?"
"No, of course not."At least, not with her knowing.
"He hurt you, Lauren."
I closed my eyes. "He didn't hurt me."
"You were fifteen... He was married."
"You don't know everything. Besides, he made the loneliness go away before you came. I don't know what I'll do now."
She paused. "Are you mad at me?"
I took out a black dress, surveying it, deciding on whether or not I wanted to wear it. I shook my head, putting it back. "I don't get mad, Camila."
"I didn't think you would remember." She whispered.
"Oh, don't be naive." I put on a strapless bra as I spoke. "I remember everything anyone tells me, especially if it's information about their personal life."
"Aren't you going to try to talk me out of it, then?"
I turned to her, my gaze making her uncomfortable. "It's your life. If you want to marry Adam, move to California, and start a family with him-that's your choice. I'm not going to tell you what to do."
She scoffed. "What, like you don't have an opinion on it?"
"What goes on in your relationship with your fiancé is between you and him-not you, him, and me. Remember?" I said, repeating something she had told me a couple of months ago. "And what's my opinion to you, anyway? Are you really asking me for relationship advice?"
"I'm asking for my best friend's insight on things." She replied, becoming defensive.
"You want my insight? Here it is: stop asking other people what they think-stop caring about what they think. Find something, or someone, that you want and take it." I reasoned, giving a small shrug.
"What do you want?"
I looked at her, not expecting that question. "I already have everything I want."
"Which is?"
"I have a home, a job, friends, love interests." I paused. "I have you." Camila stared at me and I could see she was truly struggling in her thoughts.
"Please stay home tonight." She frowned.
I sighed, turning back around. I knew she was only saying that so she didn't have to deal with Adam. Plus, I needed to go out tonight. This whole ordeal was too much for me. I didn't like the drama.
"No, Lauren, please."
"I want to go out tonight-so I'm going to take the opportunity." I chose a deep red dress that I had almost forgotten I had. This would for sure seal the deal with anyone I wanted to bring home. I laid it out on my bed, Camila watching me desperately. She followed me cautiously as I walked into my en-suite bathroom.
"When are you going to be back?" She asked, resting against the door frame as I started to style my hair.
"I don't know, Camila."
"Are you bringing someone home?"
"I want to."
"Lauren," She whined.
"You should call your fiancé to come and stay with you. Once you're married, you'll be living together-in California. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to come over."
Camila nodded. "Have fun, then." She turned out of my bathroom, walking out of my room.
I had surprised myself by not dropping everything for her, like I always did. If the circumstances were different, and she wasn't trying to hide everything from me, then I would've stayed, but Camila needed to work this out on her own. If I didn't go out tonight, she would just ignore the whole thing and make me forget about it with a movie and cuddles, and I know I'd let her-and I just couldn't have that right now. She was marrying someone she didn't even have the right feelings for. It just made me beyond annoyed. She was so innocent-she really believed in her fairytales-and I now realized that she would do almost anything to get one. She had lied for the past four years to get a taste of it, and now she wasn't about to let it fall from her fingers-not with all of the hard work she had put in. I frowned, putting on the finishing make-up touches. When I walked back into my room, I put on my dress and shoes quickly. I was ready to get out of there.
I looked at the clock in the living room and it was just after eight in the evening. I figured I could go get dinner before I hit up a club. Camila looked up at me as I noticed she was sitting at the dining room table again. I gave her one last glance before I walked out into the night.
When I was actually outside, out of the loft, out of the lobby, I felt like I could actually breathe. I hadn't been outside since yesterday night, and I didn't even remember that. I decided to make a stop to a restaurant to order dinner and maybe hang around the bar for a while.
Once I arrived, the staff greeted me.
"Usual spot, Ms. Jauregui?"
"Yes-thank you."
The waitress, Julie, frowned. "Actually-I'm sorry. It looks like they are clearing your table up now. Would you mind waiting a little bit?" As she was speaking, I noticed someone out of the corner of my eye, sitting in a booth.
"Of course not. I'll be in there, saying hi to a few friends."
"Would you like to be seated with them instead?" She asked.
"Oh, no. That won't be necessary. Just come get me whenever you're ready for me."
"Y-yes, Ms. Jauregui." She stuttered, blushing. I had caught her off-guard. "Anything for you."
I grinned at her. It was obvious she wanted me. I hadn't been with Julie yet. I walked past her, toward the booth.
"Normani?"
She turned around, meeting my eyes. "Lauren? Hey!" I then noticed Ally was sitting with her, too.
"Come sit with us!" Ally beamed.
I took a seat next to Ally. "Where's Dinah?"
"She's getting to the point in her pregnancy where she doesn't want to move." Ally informed me.
"Ah, sounds fun." I giggled.
"Where's Camila?" Normani asked.
"At home."
"Is Adam there?" She asked.
"I don't know."
Ally and Normani looked at each other before Normani crossed her arms, resting them on the table. "What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe that." Normani scoffed. "Is she mad at you or something?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Because you two are always together," Ally chimed in. "and if she's not with Adam, she definitely wouldn't have just let you go out. She hates being alone-and I know if she asks you to do anything-"
"Like stay home," Normani interrupted.
"-then you would do it. So, you must've done something to make her mad which would explain why she didn't ask you to stay in." Ally said.
"So, what'd you do?" Normani questioned.
"I didn't do anything."
"I guess she could have told her about California." Ally said to Normani. She glared at her. "Unless she didn't-then just forget I said anything." She turned to me, her eyes showing pure horror.
"You guys knew about California before I did?"
"Well," Normani began, "we kind of knew something was up, so Dinah got it out of her."
Camila had told them first? What the hell? "She didn't tell me about California. Adam did."
Ally and Normani looked at each other once again, their eyebrows raising in surprise.
"But-your theories are interesting." I smiled.
"So, are we right?" Normani asked and Ally leaned in. I shrugged and they sighed. "The one and only, oh-so-mysterious Lauren Jauregui-so opposed to sharing drama."
"If you're so eager to know, you should ask Camila. It seems she is more willing to share information with you, since you knew about California and all before I did."
Normani rolled her eyes, "Yeah, thanks a lot for mentioning that, Ally!"
"I'm sorry! At least we weren't the ones to tell her." She frowned.
Julie reappeared to my side, grabbing the girls' attention. I looked up at her, smiling. "Hi, Julie."
"I'm ready for you-I mean-" She scrunched her eyes shut for a second. "I meant, we have the table ready for you." The blush was evident.
I stood up. "It was nice running into you guys." Julie started walking in front of me. I looked at the girls, pointing to Julie, and mouthed, "Should I hit it?"
Ally and Normani leaned over, almost standing up to get a good look at her. They sat back down.
"No," Normani shrugged. "She's too nice for you."
I laughed. "Okay, thanks, Mani." I waved before catching up with Julie.
I ordered my food quickly, anxious to go to a club or something. I didn't want to be thinking about my argument with Camila for another second. I wasn't mad, but I wasn't exactly pleased either. Through it all, I had managed to keep my cool. That was most important to me. When you're angry, the truth comes out. People get hurt and it helps no one. I don't remember the last time I ever yelled at someone in my life and, to be honest, I don't want to remember it. It was exhausting to have to censor myself all of the time, but I just couldn't lose my temper. That wasn't an option.
Camila and I rarely got into arguments and when we did, they usually only lasted up to a couple of hours. I didn't know if this time was different. She was leaving. My Camila-leaving. I was going to be alone again. That was just the truth. People like me don't live lives anything short of lonely and I was lucky to have even had Camila be a part of mine. All of this-my job, my home, my friends-it was all because of her. She was the only person in my life that made me feel less alone and she was leaving. I just couldn't bring myself to understand that. I wasn't going to eat breakfast with her anymore, or see her tired yet beautiful face across from me in the mornings at work. We weren't going to be able to watch movies anymore and I was going to live alone. This was why I didn't want to get close to people. They always left: my mother, my father, and now, Camila.
Julie popped back up next to me, her grin turning into concern. "Are you okay?" She put a hand on my shoulder. "I brought your food."
I shook my head, the urge to eat disappearing before my eyes. No, I wasn't hungry anymore-not for food. I needed to get my mind off of this. Like clockwork, my mood changed. I stood up, giving a smile to Julie. "I'm just fine, Julie. Thank you, but I need to go." I placed a one-hundred dollar bill on the table. "You look lovely tonight, Julie." Her face lit up and I walked out. It was noticeably darker than before. I quickly stopped a cab, giving them the name of the club I was most regular at.
When I arrived, the place was packed. I smirked to myself. Oh, this will certainly do. I made my way over to the bar, greeting the bartender, Kevin, briefly. He handed me my usual drink, pointing to a blonde girl who was standing by herself, sipping a Cosmopolitan. He winked at me.
"Are you scouting potential girls for me?" I grinned.
"I'm always scouting potential girls for you, Jauregui. Gotta look out for my favorite girl." He smiled. "I'm glad you aren't with that guy tonight. He's a real dick."
I laughed at his reference to Mark. "I know he is." Turning back to the blonde, I shrugged. "Thanks for saving me the time. She's pretty. How long do you think it will take for her to agree to come home with me?"
"Twenty minutes at the least."
I chuckled. "We'll see." I walked up to the blonde. "Hi, I'm Lauren. Do you want to get out of here?"
"I'm Jess. My place or yours?"
"Mine. Let's go." She grasped my hand and I looked back at Kevin who was staring at me in shock. He started slow clapping and I laughed, returning my attention back to 'Jess'.
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We barely made it into the loft before she lunged at me, pushing me back onto the couch. We were both giggling, vibing off of each other's energy. She straddled me, smirking down at me as she sat up. Jess slowly took her top off, tossing it to the side before meeting our lips again. Her hand wandered behind me to begin unzipping my dress when I noticed the sound of the shower. My eyebrows furrowed. It was late-Camila was usually in bed by this time. Faint sounds of crying filtered into my ears and I sat up immediately, Jess squealing as she went with me.
"I need to check on my roommate." I said.
"Now?" She pouted, continuing to undo my zipper. I shifted her to the side before I walked to the bathroom door.
"Camz, are you okay?" I asked, knocking on the door. I felt Jess behind me.
"Yeah." Camila shouted over the water. "I'm fine, Lauren."
I frowned. I was overwhelmed with all things Camila at this point. Opening the door, I saw her sitting on the shower floor, fully clothed, with her knees pulled up to her chest. The shower was running, pelting water all over her. I noticed she was drenched as I went over to her side. "You don't look fine."
Jess walked in, impatient. "Is she okay, or what?" Camila looked up at her, then at me, her mouth open, probably shocked at how soon I got the girl to begin taking her clothes off.
"Get out, Jess. I'm busy. Go home." I replied sharply, my eyes on Camila. She said some snarky remark before leaving and I reached up, turning off the water. I got into the shower, sitting opposite of her on the wet floor, and pulled her into my lap. I leaned against the wall, the water seeping through my dress, and my head rested against the hard tile. I sighed. It had been quite a day. I felt Camila nuzzle up against me and I lifted up my head to look at her. I could tell she had been crying for a while. Slowly, I moved the wet hair out of her face. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head, like she was silently talking herself out of telling me. "I ended things with Adam. Four years of my life, now meaningless." She whispered. "I'm not getting married anymore." I gaped. No more Adam? Holy shit. She started to mindlessly play with the ends of my hair. "I guess you're stuck with me."
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