One and Only

Part 26

One and Only - Chapter Twenty-six
*MINOR* trigger warning due to a certain part of the story containing words similar to those of self harm, although NO self harm occurs in this fic. Just to be safe.
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Camila's POV
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I was glowing. I mean, truly glowing. The girl looking back at me in the mirror was someone I'd never seen before and I liked her. She had the best of both worlds: a sexy and hot lifestyle in secret and a quaint, traditional lifestyle at home. I just wished she had both of those worlds with the same person.
I was waiting the usual small amount of time I had to before I could leave the bathroom, since Lauren always left before me. We had been together an innumerable amount of times since our encounter in the conference room-we just couldn't seem to keep our hands off each other.
I felt something in the back of my pocket, pulling it out to see that it was her white lace panties. A smirk creeped onto my face as I held them, remembering how rapidly I had stuffed them away just to get to the good part. As if on cue, I heard the bathroom door open.
"Forgetting something?" I chuckled, turning around to face her. I gasped when I saw Dinah instead, mouth wide open in shock.
"Oh, my God!" She shrieked. "You're fucking Jauregui!"
As I tried not to faint, I put her underwear back in my pocket, a blush rising to my cheeks. "Dinah, I really don't have time for this right now."
The pregnant woman continued, her index finger pointed at me. "There I was, sitting at my desk when I realized both of you were gone. Confused-and rightfully so-I started to look around for you. My search, however, was cut short when I saw the one and only Lauren Jauregui coming out of this bathroom."
"Dinah-"
She didn't let me interject, moving along with her discovery. "So, I thought, 'Hmm, maybe Camila is in here... Oh, but she wouldn't do that since she's engaged.' But still, I was curious. And here you are." Her hand lowered and she moved to cross her arms, scowling at me like I was a small child.
I quickly explored my options, my mind racing. I didn't see a point in lying to her now. She caught me. She caught us. "Please." I said, noting how she rolled her eyes at me. "Dinah, you really can't tell anyone. I mean it-not Lauren, not the girls-nobody."
"This is unbelievable." The taller girl scoffed.
My mind fixated on what I would lose if this got out... who I would lose. "If Lauren finds out that you know, this whole thing will be over. I can't lose her again." I must have looked like a frightened mess, because her expression softened. "Please don't say anything."
She frowned, studying me. "I really hope you know what you're getting yourself into, Camila. And not just you. Have you thought about what this could turn into with Lauren and Adam? How it could affect them?"
I ran a hand through my messy hair, flustered. "This is so fucked up, you know? This whole situation is fucked."
"Just tell her." Dinah said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. I returned that suggestion with a glare shot her way, but the Polynesian remained adamant. "Camila, this matters more than your pride, okay? This isn't some fling. You're getting married and you love someone who isn't your fiancé. You need to let her know."
I shook my head. She didn't understand. "Let her know? Let her know what? That I'm in love with her? You want me to become one of those desperate girls?" My voice cracked, ruining my tough façade, and Dinah immediately pulled me in for a hug. "She doesn't love me. She'll never love me." I whispered, feeling the girl from the reflection slipping away from me.
I could tell Dinah was conflicted. I knew she would in no way support what Lauren and I were doing-it was cheating and it was wrong-but she couldn't betray me. She cared for me too much to betray me.
She sighed, pulling back from me and looking into my eyes. "I love you, Mila, but I don't think you understand how bad this is."
I scoffed, wiping stray tears from my face. I wasn't five years old. "I know what I'm doing, Dinah."
"Oh, really?" She crossed her arms again, "What are you going to do after you and Adam get married? He's going to move you both to California-you know that, right? You won't even be in the same state as her. Where does that leave Lauren? Have you even talked about what's going to happen after you move?"
"Yes-no." I rubbed my temples, my head throbbing, "I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"It hasn't really come up, Dinah. We don't exactly talk about my future with Adam when we're together."
"No, of course not." She replied sarcastically. "She's just going to come to work one morning to find you moved across the country. Great plan, Camila. Really concrete."
"Lauren knows what this is." I shot back, "She knows what Adam's intentions are."
"Then what are you doing? Why would you put her through this?" I stayed silent and she shook her head. "I've never seen anything so selfish. You're going to move on with this perfect life and leave her behind. How is that fair?"
Our heads snapped to the door where one of our coworkers walked in, interrupting our heated argument. It was Ashley, the temp, wearing a friendly smile on her face as she headed to a stall. I turned back to Dinah, who was sending me a disappointed look, and walked past her, stumbling into the hallway. I rushed to the main part of the office, my eyes immediately seeking out Lauren.
She was laughing at something Mr. Clarke said, shouting playful banter back at him before he walked back into his office. The thought of what we had ending the second I married Adam was almost enough to make me sick and, before I knew it, I was heading toward her, noticing the way her face changed from joy to worry once she saw me.
"Camz? Is everything okay?"
As my chest tightened at her concern, my arms enveloped her. Her body was tense for a split second before I felt her hug me back, holding me close.
I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in and rested my head in the crook of her neck, the scent of her burying itself in my lungs.
"Camz," She whispered very quietly, "People are staring."
"I don't care." I breathed, tears welling up again in my eyes. "Can we go home?"
"I have a meeting-" She stopped talking when I looked up at her, a conflicted look on her face. It didn't take much longer until she said, "Meet me by the car."
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As I leaned against our car, my thoughts were all over the place. Dinah was right. I was being selfish by keeping this thing going between us, but I honestly didn't have it in me to give her up again. I finally figured out a way we could be together without fighting twenty-four seven and I wasn't ready to let that go. I wasn't ready to let her go.
But it wasn't fair-not for Lauren. Even if she wasn't in love with me, I knew she cared about me deeply. She always had. And I knew me moving away was going to hurt her, because it was going to hurt me a lot more. However, I couldn't just give up my life with Adam to be with someone who obviously didn't want a relationship with me anymore. Adam was a good man. He would take care of me. He loves me. I'd be stupid to give that up... Right?
I heard the car unlock and turned to see Lauren, who glanced at me before opening the door and getting in. I followed, slightly turning my body in the leather seat to face her.
"Are you okay?" She asked me, her green eyes melting into mine. "I mean... you aren't upset over what we did earlier, right?" I straightened up at that, waiting for her to explain. "I just... I won't be able to live with myself if I knew I hurt you-"
"Laur, no. It's not that." I grasped her hand, resting it in my lap. "I didn't mean to worry you like that. I just want to go home. Will you take me home?"
The raven-haired girl eventually nodded, kissing me on the forehead quickly before maneuvering her way out of the parking garage. She started to drive the opposite way from our loft and I furrowed my eyebrows, asking her where she was going.
"I'm taking you home?" She answered, chuckling lightly. "That's what you asked me to do, right?"
I soon realized where we were going. "Oh," The car came to a stop at a red light and she began switching through the music stations. "I meant home... Our home."
Her hand spazzed on the radio knob, accidentally turning it off and leaving the car in silence. Lauren gulped, jumping a little when a car behind us honked at her to move now that the light was green. We drove that way for a while longer and I began to think she was going to really drop me off at Adam's. Eventually she spoke, her voice almost shaky. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"No," I answered honestly. "But I'm not sure of anything anymore."
She glanced at me, trying to figure me out, but her eyes fell when realized she couldn't. She didn't know what game I was playing.
Neither did I.
Lauren made a U-turn without another word and I relaxed into my seat, happy to just be with her. I knew I needed to preserve these moments. I wouldn't have her forever.
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The shards of glass sliced through my skin, my vision blurring from the tears. I could barely make the two figures out in front of me, although I'd seen them so many times before. Gasps filled the room, the sound stretching to every corner, before I felt hands pulling me away, preventing me to save what used to be so important.
"Camila?" Lauren said, pulling me out of my trance. I stood facing the wall where our picture used to be, the memories of my sudden outburst coming back to me. The ivory-skinned girl came to stand beside me, her eyes focusing on the blank canvas in front of us. "You know, that was my favorite picture of us. I was really upset when Mark told me he broke it."
I looked at her, surprised. "Mark?"
"Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have let someone who would be drunk the whole time watch the loft." Lauren chuckled.
Mark covered for me? I held back my incredulity, replying, "I don't know why you even still have pictures of us up." My eyes widened a bit as I realized what I just said. I gave her an apologetic look which she returned with a soft smile.
"No, you're right." She paused, "I should take them down."
"It's just that I don't get how you sleep with all of those pictures of us surrounding you. I know I wouldn't be able to."
Lauren looked at me in an unreadable way and it was the first time I ever felt like I didn't know exactly who she was. "I don't sleep anymore anyway." Her phone buzzed, making the conversation come to a halt as she checked the caller ID. "Excuse me," She politely stated, ambling into her study to take the call.
My gaze wandered back to the blank wall in front of me. This was how the loft should be. Every night, I got to go to a fresh home without constant reminders of my failed friendship and relationship while Lauren was stuck with pictures of us all over the place. It must be exhausting.
I took a deep breath. I still felt like I belonged here with her. But I didn't. I couldn't seem to get that through my head. I couldn't fix the unfixable-and that's what we were. Hopeless, remember?
I still meant something to her and that was enough for me. It had to be enough.
She was still on the phone so I took the liberty of walking around, the place cleaner than it's ever been. It almost looked like no one lived here.
My eyes focused on the door connecting to what used to be our bedroom and my hand hovered over the knob for what felt like hours before I finally opened it. Slowly, I walked in, adjusting to the cold feeling it left me with. Something unusual caught my attention and I looked to see the closet in ruins. There were empty hangers everywhere, scattered about the floor, and I knew they were from Adam's unwelcome visit over two weeks ago. I couldn't believe-
"What are you doing?"
I jolted at the intrusion, turning around to face Lauren. She was standing outside of the door, her arms crossed as she watched me. "Sorry," I said, "I shouldn't have come in here."
The older girl unhurriedly walked closer to me, a tense expression on her face. "Don't be sorry."
I paused, letting us sit in the silence. "You haven't been in here since..." I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it.
"Since you left me."
I was staggered at how blunt she was being but I nodded anyway. She was right, after all.
It was quiet again, but not like it used to be. It was an uncomfortable silence. We were staring at each other without any intention of saying what we needed to. It was disappointing, really. I never would have thought my relationship with Lauren would ever be this bad. I never would have thought I would be standing in front of her, both of us thinking of what could have been-what should have been. We were supposed to be together, but we were just girls who didn't have a clue what we were doing. I thought back to the conversation I had with Dinah this morning, the lump in my throat returning. Her words were becoming more true as I thought about them. I was selfish. Lauren never asked for any of this. She didn't ask me to make the first move and she definitely didn't ask me to start an illicit affair with her. But I was only concerned with myself. I needed her... and I did everything I could to have her. That was until I realized how unattainable Lauren Jauregui was.
Another set of tears made their way down my face and I wiped them away as soon as I could. I was tired of being the weak one.
Lauren frowned at my unhappiness. "Why are you crying?"
I laughed softly, "I don't know. I do that a lot now." I took a deep breath, studying the girl in front of me. "I miss us." I admitted. "And I know that we're together right now but it isn't the same-it won't ever be. I'm so... sorry that I ruined us."
She closed the distance between us, giving me a hug. "Don't say that. You didn't ruin us, okay?" I felt her cheek rest on the top of my head as we held each other. "Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to."
I tried with every fiber of my being to steady my breathing. I could stay like this, with her, forever. "It's not fair."
"Nothing is ever fair."
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Hearing the sound of Lauren's heart beat was my favorite thing in the world. My head was resting on her chest as we laid together on the bed, her hand running through my brunette locks. I liked being able to look up and see her there. I wanted this to be my life again, but I knew that was only wishful thinking.
I was circling one of the button's on Lauren's shirt, a concentrated look on my face, when she spoke up.
"What are you thinking about?"
"You." I replied, my eyes fixed on the button.
"What about me?" I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Just how much I'm going to miss you." I sighed, not being able to forget the inevitable outcome of whatever we were doing.
She shifted a little, prompting me to meet her eyes. "Miss me?"
"When Adam moves us to California." I explained.
"Oh," She grimaced, looking away. "I don't like thinking about it."
"We should think about it, though."
"Not until June 6th." Lauren snapped, mentioning my wedding date.
I sat up, removing myself from the warmth of her body. "You really want to wait until my wedding day to discuss me moving across the country?"
"What's there to discuss? You're moving... what, three-thousand miles away from me? There's not much to talk about other than that fact."
"There's a lot to talk about!" I yelled, furious that she was just brushing it off. "Like will I ever see you again after that? Are we going to stay in touch?"
"Why would we? So I can get on a plane every so often to do Adam's job in the bedroom?" She bit back.
I was stunned. That's really all she thought of me. This is what Dinah was talking about. This is what I did. "I can't believe you just said that."
"It's the truth, isn't it?"
"No!" I rejected that as soon as I could. "Of course it's not!"
Lauren huffed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Well, I do!"
"Well, I don't!" She didn't yell, but I could see she was close to it. I backed off, getting up from the bed. "Where are you going?"
"Home." I walked into the living room, only to be pulled back by my arm.
"No. Stay. Come on, you don't have to leave." The green-eyed girl grasped my hand, holding it up to her mouth and planting a kiss on my palm.
"Are we going to talk about California?"
She shut her eyes momentarily as if I punched her in the gut. "Can't we talk about something else?"
I studied her, taking in her perfect features. She looked in extreme distress, her once strong and confident eyes staring back at me in pain. "How badly have I hurt you?" I asked, a gasp escaping my own lips. This wasn't the Lauren I knew and it was my fault. She parted her lips, unsure of how to respond, and let go of my hand. "I'll call you later," I said, trying to take some of the severity away.
She let me go after that. My world was spinning after I left. All this time, I thought I was the only one truly being affected by this. But I wasn't. I was unintentionally hurting Lauren, just like she unintentionally hurt me.
Scurrying down the familiar street, I soon felt my phone buzz in my pocket, pulling it out to see a text from Adam.
Adam Russo: I'm waiting outside. Where are you?
My eyes widened as I checked the time. Shit, it was five o'clock, which meant Adam was waiting to pick me up from work. I quickly typed out a reply: Had to go get coffee for Mr. Clarke. I'm walking back now.
Adam Russo: Hurry.
I picked up the pace, and soon I saw his car. He got out when we made eye contact, his face stern.
"Took you long enough." Adam paused, looking at me. "Where's the coffee?"
"What?"
"The coffee." He stared at me like I was an idiot. I sure felt like one. "You were getting coffee for your boss."
"Oh, right!" I nervously laughed. "Well, it's actually a funny story."
He waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss me. I knew he hated to listen to my stories. "Whatever. Just get in the car."
I rolled my eyes. I had quite the gentleman.
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I was finally getting ready for bed. It'd been such a long day and I couldn't wait to fall asleep and forget about all of it.
The steam from the shower was caressing my skin, resting on my uncovered chest. As I moved to take my pants off, I felt the fabric of Lauren's underwear in my pocket. I sighed, cursing myself for not returning them. I held them tightly in my hand, remembering the look of pure lust on her face when I tore them off of her earlier. She drove me absolutely crazy, even when she wasn't around.
I heard the door open and stuffed them back in my bottoms, pretending I was unaware of Adam's presence in the room. He walked up behind me and wrapped his strong arms around my waist. I felt disgusting when he inhaled my scent, rubbing the tip of his nose on my neck.
"New perfume?"
My heart rate skyrocketed. That wasn't my perfume. I was so bad at this affair thing-coming home and smelling like the girl I was sleeping with. Nice, Camila. "Um, yeah." I whispered, covering my chest. "Do you like it?"
"It smells nice." He commented, "Can I join you in the shower?"
I wanted to vomit. "I'm really tired, Adam."
"Well, I know just the thing to wake you up."
Gross. I shrugged him off of me, ignoring his scoff, and finished undressing, slipping into the shower. "I'll be in bed in a bit. To sleep."
"Whatever you say, Camila." He huffed, slamming the bathroom door shut.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he finally left me alone. What I wouldn't give to have a shower with Lauren right about now.
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