One and Only

Part 9

One and Only - Chapter Nine

-
Lauren's POV
-
"What's wrong?"
She shook her head, like she was silently talking herself out of telling me. "I ended things with Adam. Four years of my life, now meaningless." She whispered. "I'm not getting married anymore." I gaped. No more Adam? Holy shit. She started to mindlessly play with the ends of my hair. "I guess you're stuck with me."
-
"When did you end it? Was he over here?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around this.
"Right after you left."
"What? Camila, that was hours ago. Why didn't you call me?" I peered down, trying to meet our eyes.
She lifted her head. "I wanted you to have a good time." Camila frowned. "Sorry I ruined that again."
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." I sighed, tightening my hold on her. "Are you okay? I mean, how do you feel, baby?"
"I feel stupid." She pouted, laying her head back down on my chest. "I'm here once again, holding onto you. I've ruined yet another one of your dates-that's three girls now." She took a deep breath. "I'm just a burden on your life, aren't I, Lauren?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, now stroking her back. "You're just the opposite, Camila. You're a blessing. I'm the luckiest girl to have you as a friend in my life. You make my days better." A smile crept onto my face at the thought, even though she wasn't looking at me. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I shrugged, expressing my next thought. "You didn't love Adam and that's okay. I know how badly you tried-how badly you wanted to love him-but it's okay that you don't, because there's a ton of people who are fit for you, Camz. It could takes days, weeks, or months, but you'll find someone. Your fairytale will happen."
She sat up a little to look at me. "No, Lauren, I think you were right. That stupid love thing doesn't exist. I'm never going to have the exciting love that you see in the movies-it's all a lie. You were right." She repeated. "I just wish I listened to you sooner."
That broke my heart. I gave her a sad smile. "No, I'm not right. I wasn't right. You're meant for this, Camz. You are meant to find someone crazy for you who can give you everything you want-who can give you your fairytale. When I said that love doesn't exist, I was talking about myself. I'll never find the "one". No one is going to want to stay with me. I mean, I'm good in bed, don't get me wrong, but as a girlfriend? I'm shit at that and everyone knows it. I love people and I love their little quirks... People are beautiful, but I'll never be in love with people. You will be, though. You have the heart for it."
She stared at me, her hand caressing my face. She had never looked at me the way she was doing now. It was a familiar expression to me, though, as girls looked at me like this all of the time. I blinked. Why was she staring at me like this?
"If I have the heart for it, then so do you."
"I don't have the heart for anything."
She removed her hand from my face, slowly retracting it. "We both know that's not true."
I nodded slowly. Oh, this look she was giving me needed to stop. She was beautiful, really, but I couldn't go there. I wouldn't. I decided to change the subject. Surprisingly, my self restraint was strong. "How did Adam take it?"
She slumped back down onto me with a groan. "Not well." Camila paused. "I think he was shocked that I actually had an opinion-he was shocked that I wasn't some mindless robot to obey his every command." She frowned. "I had been that mindless robot for the past four years-all for someone I didn't really even like." Her hand found mine, rubbing the pad of her thumb over it. "He treated you badly. I hated that."
I smiled at her. "I wasn't exactly the nicest person to him, either."
"Yeah, but I'll always be on your side opposed to anyone else's."
"Hmm," I pondered. "I'll always be on my side, too."
She looked up at me, laughing. "Shut up." Camila nudged me. The sound of our soaked clothes was audible.
"I think we should get out of these." I said.
"Noooo." She whined. "Let's just stay here for a while, okay?"
I agreed reluctantly. This was going to ruin my dress, but I knew Camila was more important. We talked for another hour or so before she drifted to sleep in my arms. I carried her to her bedroom, thanking God I didn't slip on all of the water surrounding the shower. I laid her down in her bed before I searched her closet for a t-shirt and shorts. Once I found some, I set them next to her. Very carefully, I peeled off her soggy shirt, then her pants, and dressed her in new, dry clothes as quickly as possible, satisfied that I hadn't woken her up. I laid the comforter on top of her, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead before I stood back up.
"Wait." She whispered sleepily. "Stay... here."
I sighed. She wanted me to sleep in her bed? Why was it a big deal to me all of a sudden? I've slept in her bed before-when she had a fiancé. If I was being honest, I was a little on edge about the looks she was giving me tonight. Call me conceited, but I've had my fair share of lady looks my way, and I call them like I see them. It wasn't like I was weirded out, but there was no way I could start something here. That would be toxic to our friendship. I had just gotten her back and I wasn't going to risk that again tonight. Or ever.
"Lauren?" She sat up a little, resting on her elbows. She looked concerned, probably at my lack of response. It wasn't like me to hesitate.
I got in the bed next to her, relaxing when she curled up next to me. This was comfortable for me-what we always did. I smiled into the darkness to myself as I held her. "Goodnight, Camz."
"Goodnight. I love you."
"Love you."
She soon drifted to sleep in my arms, like the many times before, but I just couldn't fall asleep. There was always too much to think about for me. I glanced at the clock. It was around midnight. I huffed. There was no chance that I would be falling asleep any time soon. My mind wandered to Camila again. She hadn't been single in four years-this was going to be an adjustment.
I thought back to how just a few hours ago, she was about to be out of my life. She was going to be thousands away from me-but not anymore. She was staying with me. Camila was staying with me. I grinned, stroking her hair out of habit. I was glad this wasn't ending anytime soon. I'd never let anyone but Camila know, but I really did like cuddling. It made me feel safe and sometimes, I even got an hour or two of sleep. I think we both knew, though, that a lot of friends weren't as close as we were. Friends usually didn't cuddle this much and they didn't touch as much as we did, but I didn't care. Camila was my home and I was hers and that's all that mattered to us.
-
I was in and out of sleep for most of the night, sleeping for a couple of minutes or so at a time. I looked down at Camila, who still had her head laying on my chest, and gently shifted her off of me, checking the clock-six A.M. Taking a deep breath, I got up, heading to the kitchen to make coffee. I could already tell it was going to be a long day.
-
It was a long day all right. As we were all in the break room, the girls were surrounding us once again, Normani and Ally staring me down especially, curious about what we discussed the night before. Camila hadn't told them the news yet and I was starting to think she wasn't even going to mention it, but as I looked over at her, I could see she was about to say something.
"I have some news." She said. She was standing by me, my hand in hers. She had been fairly touchy today, more than usual, if that was even possible.
"Are you pregnant?" Dinah blurted out.
I could see Camila visibly wince. "No." The girls relaxed. "Actually, I, uh-well... I broke up with Adam." The girls gasped and Camila's grip on my hand tightened. Normani and Ally glanced at me then back at her. "So, there won't be a wedding and it looks like I'm staying here." Camila looked up at me, a small smile tugging at her lips. "With Lauren."
"What happened between you and Adam?" Ally asked, her delicate hand placed over her chest in surprise.
Camila looked back at them. "It just wasn't going to work out in the long run. As much as I wanted it to... it didn't." She sighed. "I don't feel that deeply about him, you know? I hear you all talk about your husbands and... it's just not like that for me. It never was."
Dinah looked at our hands, her eyes flitting up to meet Camila's. "Is there someone else?"
"No!" She replied, a little too quickly. "There's no one else." She breathed. "I just thought you should all know so that you don't show up to a non-existent wedding."
There was small, awkward laughter, then silence.
It was Normani who spoke next. "Well, we're happy you're staying, Mila, and we support any decision you make for yourself."
I grinned at that. Finally, something that would make Camila relax. She hugged Normani, thanking her, when Mark walked in. He moved behind me, grabbing my ass, and I slapped his hand away.
"What's the matter, baby?" He whispered in my ear, the girls' eyes on me. "You seemed to like that this weekend."
I didn't say anything, too ashamed to reply. The girls had never seen me silent after a remark like that. I'm sure I looked weak. I felt Camila at my side, rubbing my arm soothingly. Mark walked over, getting a cup of coffee, as I tried to breathe regularly. I was so angry at myself. He shouldn't control my emotions like that.
Mark was soon by me again, gesturing to the girls. "Look at your girls-sophisticated, classy women. They've all got their lives together, baby. What have you got?" He smirked.
Suddenly, Dinah stepped forward, pushing his coffee cup back onto him, soaking his suit. He yelped in pain as the girls gasped.
"She's got us, asshole. What have you got?" Dinah snarled, taking me out of Camila's grasp and out of the break room. She walked us over to a secluded area of the building, not too far away from our desks. "Look, Lauren." She began. "I know you don't want to talk about your weekend with Douchey-Mark," I half-smiled at her nickname, "so I'm not going to ask. I also don't know why you felt like your best option was to call him instead of Camila, or Mani, or Ally, or me, but I want to make sure it never happens again. You can always call me and I'll be over there in a second, I swear to God-and I know you hate talking about your feelings, so we don't even have to do that. We can watch movies or talk shit about people or make a sacrifice to Beyoncé-whatever you need, I'm here." Dinah smiled at me.
I nodded, a little taken aback. I didn't have a lot of close friends and I never have, but this was the first time that I realized I had gained one-well, more like three. Dinah held her arm out for me and I linked my arm in hers, giggling. "Thanks, D. I'm very impressed with you. Throwing hot coffee over him? My whole impression of you has changed-for the better."
"I'm tellin' ya, girl. It's these hormones. You should see what my husband has to deal with."
I laughed, walking back to my desk where, without a doubt, Camila was standing by, anxiously searching for me. Normani and Ally were close by her, a satisfied smile on their face, probably from how proud they were of their Dinah. When Camila saw me, she hugged me. I tensed and she let go. Her eyes were worried.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine, Camila." I said, embarrassed that she was doing this in front of the girls, who were giving me smug smiles, especially Dinah. She glanced over my body to make sure I didn't have anything wrong with me. "What are you doing? I wasn't attacked. Stop that." I scolded her.
Camila met my eyes, furrowing her eyebrows. "I just want you to be all right."
"Just date already!" Dinah giggled along with Normani and Ally. Camila glared at her before turning back to me.
"I feel really guilty." She admitted. "I shouldn't have left you alone after Adam told you about California." The girls looked at each other, obviously feeling like they were now intruding.
"We can talk about it later, Camz." I said.
"I left you alone for some guy I didn't even like." She frowned, interlocking our hands.
What was the deal with the constant touching today? It was making my heart race. "I don't blame you for the decisions I made... Plus, I left you alone for the same reason last night. Remember that?" She nodded, looking away, like she was in deep thought about something. "Love you." I said.
She gulped, staring back at me. "I love you, too."
-
The rest of the day was, for lack of a better word, odd. Camila was always around me, always touching, but she felt so distant, like her mind was somewhere else.
It was even worse when we got home because there wasn't Dinah or Ally or Normani to distract her. I made her favorite dinner, but that didn't get much of a reaction out of her. We didn't talk much. She just stayed by my side most of the night. I would've given anything to know what she was thinking about.
I was writing in my journal on the couch while she sat next to me, leaning on me with her head on my shoulder, in silence.
"What do you write about in there, Lauren?" She asked me. I hadn't ever let anyone see my journal and she had always respected that. This was the first time she'd ever asked me about it.
"I write about lots of things." I shrugged.
"Do you write about me?"
I smiled and she tilted her head to look at me. "Do you want me to write about you?"
Camila pursed her lips, moving her head back to its previous position. After a while, she got up. "I'm going to sleep." I nodded and she walked to her room, closing the door shut behind her.
I decided to walk into my study where I spent most of my sleepless nights. I put on Hotel California by Eagles, keeping the volume lower than usual so I wouldn't keep Camila up. I thought back to her question. 'Do you write about me?' There were significant pieces of my writing that mentioned characteristics of Camila-brown hair, brown eyes, soft features-but I didn't know if I was ready to admit that to her. Or myself.
She was the most important person in my life, so of course I would write about her. In fact, she was the subject of all of my writings, just in different variations.
I pushed those thoughts aside, deciding to continue my writing. I knew I'd be awake for most of the night.
-
It was around two in the morning when Camila walked into my study. I looked up at her from my writing.
"I can't sleep." She frowned. Her voice was almost desperate. Camila walked toward me as I opened up my arms. She sat in my lap, breathing in my scent.
"What's bothering you?" I asked.
She stared at me for a moment, her face seemingly upset. "I don't know." She finally said.
I ran my fingertips across her back. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
She nodded.
We were walking by the dim-lighted street, arm in arm. It had to have been twenty minutes before Camila just stopped completely, bringing me to a halt with her. "What's wrong?"
Camila glanced at me anxiously, but in her eyes I saw want. My breathing stopped. This wasn't like the looks from last night-it was way more intense. She stepped toward me. "Camila..." I said. "What are you doing?" She was so close, I tried to step back further, but my back stopped against a building.
I felt her hot breath on me, her eyes on my lips. She was nervous, I could tell.
Before I knew it, she kissed me. It was slow and she made sure that nothing but our lips touched. I didn't even feel her body against mine. I looked at her when she pulled away, her eyes gauging my reaction. Whatever she saw gave her the confidence to kiss me again and I was glad as I kissed her back this time. Her lips were soft. They didn't taste like alcohol and she didn't smell like cheap perfume. Our lips moved sensually, perfectly fitting together. This was nothing like I'd ever felt before, even with my experience.
Camila pulled me closer, the action making me realize what I was doing. I pulled away, sighing when I met her beautiful brown eyes. "Camila, no. You don't want this." She looked at me, confused. "You deserve better."
"There's no one better than you." She frowned.
"I'm not good for you, Camila." I paused, watching as she looked away from me. "You know that."
She glanced at me, tears in her eyes, before she started walking away, down the street. I called her name about twenty times but she never responded.
Eventually, I returned to the apartment, pacing around in the living room. It was a little after two in the morning and my best friend/roommate decided to just disappear into the night after kissing me. Fuck. I was pretty sure she had just kissed me because she was still upset over Adam-that was the only logical explanation. She didn't really like me. That would just be ridiculous. I'm nothing compared to who she should have in her life.
It had been half an hour and she still wasn't here. I sat down on the coffee table, my legs bouncing up and down from the worry, my head in my hands. There was no way I could let this relationship between us happen. Camila had potential in life and I would just take that away. She wanted a fairytale and I was the farthest thing from it. It wasn't like she was serious about this anyway. She had just broken an engagement off, I kept reminding myself. She doesn't like you. This is because of Adam. My subconscious spoke.
In an instant, the door opened, and there was my Camila, standing in front of me. I enveloped her into a hug.
"I'm sorry I... overstepped the boundaries." She said, hugging me back weakly.
My grasp on her was tight and urgent. "I don't care about that. I just need you safe. You're safe?" I let go, glancing at her body just like she did to me earlier.
She nodded at me, a sad smile gracing her lips. "I don't want things to get weird between us, okay?"
"We'll always be best friends, Camz."
Her smile faded at my words and we turned to go to our rooms.
-
I couldn't take this. My mind was just focusing on the kiss. It was innocent and there was nothing extreme about it. It was so different from what I was used to. I had never felt that nervous for someone to kiss me. What the fuck were these new feelings? Groaning into my pillow, I noticed just how dry my mouth was. I huffed, leaving my room to enter the kitchen. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Camila.
"Why are you still up?" I asked.
"I can't sleep." She said, her voice quiet.
"Me neither."
We shared an awkward look before she went to grab something from the pantry and I went in search for a glass. She turned around, abruptly running into me. I immediately caught her, holding her close to me. Her gasp was loud by the surprise and I could hear her breathing increase. Or was that mine?
"Careful." I whispered.
She glanced down at my lips and, like so many times before in my life, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. "Yeah," She breathed. "Sorry."
I let her go-I wasn't thirsty anymore. I walked to my study and heard her own door shut. This was going to be harder than I thought.
-