One and Only

Part 30

One and Only - Chapter Thirty
Lauren's POV
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I let out a shaky breath as my eyes traced across my now vacant living room. I didn't know how long ago Camila had left, or how long I'd been standing here, but I felt empty.
Being in the place that we bought together just felt wrong. We used to be so sure of our future together. We used to be so happy. Now look at us.
Just over a year ago, we were walking through that door for the first time together. With her on my back, we thought we could conquer everything.
But now she was gone.
I couldn't stand it. I needed to get some air.
My hand hesitated on the doorknob for a brief second before I went outside, hoping to leave the sick feeling behind me, but it stuck with me as I left my building and started to walk down the street.
I wasn't used to this feeling. It was intolerable to me-being hurt this way. How was I supposed to get rid of it? It hurt when I was with her and it hurt when we were apart.
Why did she have to find out? We would've been perfectly fine without her knowing. Now how were we supposed to get past this?
I wanted to blame this whole thing on her: our breakup, her leaving, her getting back with Adam... but I knew it was my fault, too. I had been too guarded with her. I broke up with her. And I definitely could have tried harder to get her back for good.
But I couldn't make her trust me. I couldn't force her to have faith in a relationship she had no assurance in. Being with me meant not knowing what was going to happen next. It was spontaneous and sometimes irrational and nothing like it was with Adam. She was used to having plans and being responsible, and finding a balance between us was proving to be too difficult.
I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to register the person in front of me before I ran into them, and I rapidly bent over to pick up the purse I knocked out of her hand. Flustered, I managed to voice a quick apology as I gave it back to her, my eyes trained on the floor.
"Lauren?" This caught my attention, my gaze moving to the woman in front of me, who appeared to be Dinah. The way she looked at me made me think my expression gave off how anxious I was and she placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"
"I just needed to get out of the house," I explained.
She nodded, giving me a sympathetic smile. "Well, I was just going to go have dinner. With this guy," she gestured to her baby bump, "I'm always hungry." Dinah paused, "Have you eaten?
"Does coffee count?"
Laughing, she linked her arm with mine, "No. Come on, let's go."
We walked to a restaurant I was fairly familiar with and a face I recognized well greeted us promptly.
"Ms. Jauregui," Julie greeted me, her cheeks flushing a deep pink. "H-hi." Her ruffled demeanor made Dinah smirk at me, but my face remained set. "I mean-" She took a deep breath, "Welcome back."
"Hi, Julie." I softly smiled, "The usual spot is fine."
"Oh, of course." Her hands fumbled to grab two menus and she tripped slightly over her foot before she began to lead us to our table, neatly placing our items in front of us. I thanked her and she gave me a nod, scurrying off to occupy herself with something else.
"You should ask her out,"
I met Dinah's brown eyes, my throat feeling dry. "I can't."
"Why not?" She questioned, "She's cute."
"Because she's not Camila." I answered simply, watching as her eyebrows raised in surprise as if she didn't expect to get that out of me so quickly.
When I shrugged at her reaction, she seemed to regain control of her countenance, folding her hands in front of her. "So you do still have feelings for her?"
"Yes," I admitted, "and honestly, it's the worst feeling in the world right now. I wouldn't recommend developing feelings for your best friend, especially if they have trust issues or are engaged."
Her lips quirked up at that, obviously amused. "Thanks for the tip."
"My pleasure," I mumbled, focusing on the menu in front of me.
"Does Mila know?"
I chuckled, "Oh, she knows." My eyes widened at what that could be suggesting. The last thing I wanted was for other people to know about our affair.
"And?" She prompted.
I set my menu down, sighing. "And she's still engaged to Adam, isn't she?"
Dinah frowned, "I don't understand Camila."
"That makes two of us."
"You mean the world to her." She said, "I just don't get why she's still with him."
"Because Adam is safe," I shot back, still sensitive toward the subject. "She trusts Adam. He can give her everything."
"Not everything." She paused, "Not you."
"She obviously doesn't want me. She wanted something new-something exciting. And I gave that to her. But even I have my breaking points, so I had to let her go." I looked around us to make sure no one was listening to my pathetic conversation. Talking about her made me feel weak.
"You mean a couple of weeks ago, right-when you broke up with her?"
I hesitated, becoming suspicious. Why was she asking about our timeline? Did she know something? "Of course I do. What else would I be talking about?"
"I was just clarifying." She replied quickly, asking another question to move on. "Why don't you tell her how you feel?"
"Because I can't give her what she wants! Do you honestly think that I'd be sitting here if it were that easy-if I could just go up to her and confess my feelings?"
Dinah blushed, probably from embarrassment. I was making her feel like a small child. "I'm sorry," She murmured. "I know this is hard for you."
I backed off, immediately feeling guilty. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. Why am I so angry all the time?"
The Polynesian girl simply replied, "Because you care about something."
I leaned back in my seat, letting that sink in, before Julie popped back up, stumbling over her words while she took our orders.
When we were alone once more, Dinah grinned at me. "Now, no more sad talk. Tell me about all of the new and exciting things happening for you at work."
I agreed, thankful for the distraction, and launched into all of the opportunities I'd gotten lately that were overshadowed by my drama with Camila.
Dinah listened attentively, asking questions in all of the right places, and we ended up having a better dinner than I expected. It was almost the longest I'd gone without thinking about her.
When it was over, she gave me an extra long hug and told me to start calling more often. I guess she thought I was lonely. She happened to be right.
-
The rest of my night was fairly quiet and I spent most of it writing, trying to get my scrambled thoughts out on paper. It soon proved to be an impossible task. I just couldn't seem to focus.
I pushed my journal away from me, tossing the pen on top of it with a huff, and it was silent for a moment before I heard a faint knock.
I unhurriedly got to my feet and made my way to the door, opening it carelessly.
"Hello, Lauren."
I gasped, taking in the sight of James in front of me. His hair was slightly greying, but his eyes looked down upon me, a vibrant blue, and I soon had my arms wrapped tightly around him. I couldn't believe he was here. When I heard him chuckle in delight, I pulled back, my hand on his cheek, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm in town on business for today and tomorrow. I thought I would stop by to see my favorite girl."
"I'm so happy to see you," I breathed, "You look really well, James." I paused, realizing I hadn't invited him in yet. "Oh, come in!" I stepped aside, watching as he walked in my home.
"What a nice place you have here," The older man commented, picking up a framed picture that was sitting on the end table. I felt uncomfortable when I realized it was one that Normani took of us showing me in Camila's arms while she kissed my cheek. "How is everything with Camila? Are you two still sneaking around?" I swallowed hard, remembering all of the recent phone calls I'd made to him lately about us. He figured out we were still sleeping together pretty quickly and there wasn't a lie I could tell to convince him otherwise. He took my silence as a yes, setting down the picture and shaking his head, "I thought you were done with stuff like that, Lauren. It was supposed to end with me."
"I know," I finally responded, "I'm done with it." He looked at me like he didn't believe me, so I changed the subject. "So, where are you staying?"
"Just around the block. Actually, I was hoping we could go out for some drinks. We could catch up-talk about all of that stuff you've been calling me about."
I flushed a deep shade of red. Something about having people know things about me made me discomfited. "Yeah, sorry about all of that. I know you're really busy. The last thing you need is me calling about my stupid problems,"
"Don't be sorry." He said. "I like it when you call. I just can't ever talk long enough with her around."
"You're still with Stasia?" I asked, eyes flickering in chagrin.
Before he could answer, the door opened, and she walked in.
"Lauren!" She elatedly squealed, pulling me into a hug. The familiar scent of her overpriced perfume filled the air and I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her thin torso. I stared at James in shock. She was here. He shrugged at me and his wife pulled away, grinning at me. "You look so grown up!"
"Thank you," I managed to cough out, trying to shake off my surprise.
She moved next to her husband, my ex-lover, and wrapped an arm around his waist, "I'm so glad James got this opportunity to come up to New York. He was practically dying to see you. You know you're like a daughter to us."
I almost fainted, but remained standing, in need of a drink. "Well, I'm glad he's here-both of you."
"We should get going," He stated and I nodded.
"Aw, no!" Stasia whined, "We just got here. Let's stay for a bit."
The color drained from my face. "Would you like a drink?" I croaked out.
"No." James answered. "Stasia, we're leaving. Let's go get settled in at the hotel."
It was obvious that she was reluctant to leave us alone, but she didn't bother to argue, instead giving me a small smile before she left.
"You shouldn't talk to her like that," I said, watching him as he wrote down an address.
He handed me the slip of paper, "Meet me here in," he checked his watch, "around forty-five minutes. Call me when you get there."
"I mean it, James. She's a person." I couldn't help but be reminded of Adam and Camila.
"She's my wife."
"Exactly." I shot back, and he almost laughed in my face.
"Don't tell me you treated her any better. We're an embarrassment to her, don't you see? It's better if she leaves us alone-less painful."
"Okay," I crossed my arms. He was right, after all. "I'll see you in a bit." I watched as he left, eventually looking at the address. It was just off of fifth avenue and I rolled my eyes when I realized it required a dress code. Of course it did.
I dragged myself into my bedroom, the mess of the closet no longer there, and started looking through my clothes to find evening wear that actually covered my ass. If Camila still lived here, I would've just borrowed one of her Adam-approved dresses.
But she didn't. And I dreaded the thought of her never coming back.
-
After managing to put on an appropriate dress, I took a cab to the restaurant, letting out an exaggerated huff when I saw how high-end it was.
I was shown into the lounge immediately after telling them I was meeting a "Mr. James Hass", and he stood at my arrival, pulling my chair out for me.
"You look absolutely breathtaking," He complimented, returning to his seat in front of me. I thanked him, uncharacteristically blushing a little, and he didn't waste any more time before he jumped into what he wanted to talk to me about. "Tell me about Camila."
I reached for my the drink he bought me, trying to buy some time to think. "What do you want to know?"
"Come on, Lauren. Don't give me that." He straightened up in his seat, "I couldn't really get the whole story over five minute phone calls."
I nodded, beginning to tell him little parts of the story, trying not to reveal too much, but I soon launched into the whole thing, spilling on everything from our first kiss to our fight earlier today. I told him everything except that I loved her. That was too much to say. "I just didn't think we would let it get this bad. I thought we were smarter than that."
"She used you." He said.
"She's just confused." I disagreed.
James scoffed, scolding me. "Why do you let people do this to you?" I looked at him, clueless as to what he meant. "You let people you care about take advantage of you."
"No, I don't!" I tried to defend myself, but he didn't seem phased.
"Granted, there aren't many you care about. But you allow yourself to be a second option to people who matter. To your father, to me, and now to Camila." He took my hand, staring into my eyes, and I noticed the little crinkles in his skin that had formed around his blue orbs over the years. "Hearing all of this just makes me upset. She's using you, Lauren-just like I did." He took a deep breath, seemingly nervous. "What I did to you... It was wrong. I took away your innocence, Lauren-and at such a young age. I was married! No, I am married!" He shook his head, "I've never even mentioned a word about us to Stasia and she knows. She can tell. She knows I was in love with you." I sat back, taking my hand out from his grasp. In love with me? I almost felt sick to my stomach. He seemed to notice my reaction, because he explained further, "It's not an excuse-the love I had for you. You were too young and I'll never forgive myself. What I regret most is that I never asked you if you were okay. I never held you. I never even stopped to think about who I was hurting." I could tell he was getting choked up talking about it, "I am so sorry. To see how it's affected you now-" He stopped, shaking his head once more. "What we did wasn't healthy, Lauren. It's not normal for someone to treat you like you aren't their number one. Think about that the next time Camila drags you into the nearest empty room."
"I accept your apology." I managed to say. "And I know what we did was unfair-to my father and to your wife. I didn't understand how wrong it was until I met Camila and her family. I always wanted a family like that... but that's just not how it turned out for me. You're really the only family I have. And I don't care what other people think. You're the one there for me when they aren't. There's no denying what we did was wrong, but it's what we had, and for that, you'll always be important to me." I crossed my legs under the table, trying to regain confidence. "But I can't give up Camila. Just like I can't give up you."
"You're going to get hurt."
"I already am." I replied. "But I've spent too long being numb. I can't just cut her out of my life, James. She's... my whole world."
"You aren't hers. Not anymore."
"You don't know that," I frowned, looking away.
"Maybe I don't. But you do."
My eyes widened when I saw Adam from across the room, sitting diagonally from us. "James." I said urgently, searching to see if she was with him. When I got a glimpse of the side of her face, I slid down into my seat.
"What are you doing?"
"We need to go!" I exclaimed, peering up at him.
"What? Why?" He looked around for a bit before he met my eyes again, a look of shock on his face. "She saw me."
"Please tell me you're kidding."
He didn't dare to move. "I wish I was."
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes momentarily, before I rolled onto the floor.
"Oh, yeah, Lauren. Real subtle."
"Shut up," I hissed, turning around so that my back was to her as I carefully rose to my feet. "Get up," He obliged, leaving a much larger tip than necessary, and looked at me for more direction. "Put your coat on me," he followed, draping it over my shoulders, "and your arm around my waist." I huddled in close to him, resting my head securely on his shoulder so she couldn't see the side of me, and motioned for him to guide us out of the place. We practically ran out of there, both of us clutching our chests and rubbing our temples when we were a safe distance away.
"I don't think I've ever been looked at with so much hate before." He commented, referring to Camila, and I could only imagine the look he got.
"It could be because she despises you," I handed his jacket back to him.
"Well," He shrugged it back on, "I don't blame her. But the feeling is a little bit mutual."
Both of us jumped at the sound of my phone ringing. "It's Camila!" I shrieked, tossing the phone at James.
He tossed it back to me, "I don't want it!"
"I can't answer it!" Toss.
"Oh, and I can?" Toss.
Toss. Toss. Toss. Toss. Toss.
"Okay!" James screamed, answering it and putting it on speaker so I could hear. He gaped at me, not knowing what to say.
"Laur?" Camila whispered and I could tell she had to sneak away from Adam, probably telling him she was calling her mom.
"Tell her it's Mark," I mouthed to James.
"This is Mark," He said, deepening his voice.
Camila paused, "This doesn't sound like Mark."
"I... Uh, I've got a cold."
"...Okay. Can you give the phone to Lauren?"
"Um," James looked at me and I shook my head desperately, "She's... busy."
"Busy? Doing what?"
"She's in the shower."
I punched his shoulder and he muffled a sound of pain as I looked at him in disbelief. Like that would make things better between us.
Camila huffed, "I don't care. Give her the phone."
The older man looked at me, unaware of what to do, but I remained adamant. I was not talking to her tonight. "She doesn't want to talk to you."
"Listen to me." She said sharply. "I don't care. Give her the god damn phone."
"I'm sorry," James told her, hanging up.
"Nice." I said, the sarcasm dripping in my tone.
"Oh, excuse me. I didn't prepare to lie to your ex-girlfriend tonight."
"You looked so mortified." A smile tugged on my lips before he started to laugh.
"If she looked at you like she did at me in that restaurant tonight, you'd be stumbling over your words too." He wore an amused expression before he put his arm around my shoulder. "Come on, I'll take you home."
When we got to my loft, we had an actual drink together, just enjoying each other's company. It was nice to just be around him again-nice to actually talk to him.
He got a worried call from Stasia, his wife, around eleven, and it seemed that was his cue to leave.
I walked him to the door and he adjusted his tie. "I'll be taking you to work tomorrow."
"That's not necessary-plus, Camila works with me, so... not the best idea."
James chuckled, "If we get into any trouble again, just roll onto the floor." I playfully nudged him, his teasing making me relax a bit. "Give me a call when you're ready."
I nodded, shutting the door behind him as he left, and rested against it. An overwhelmed sigh left my lips as I tried to ease my nerves and I felt dizzy when today's events started to replay in my head.
Whoever told me it got easier was lying. Everyday felt more and more like a battle. And I was losing.
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