One and Only

Part 19

One and Only - Chapter Nineteen
Camila's POV
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"Hurry up, Camz. We're late." Lauren yelled from the living room.
I huffed, switching the hairdryer off and practically slamming it down on the bathroom countertop. "Keep your pants on, Jauregui. I'm hurrying."
She had been like this for the past couple of days, ordering me around to fit into her schedule. Her meeting with Mr. Clarke had gone better than expected, meaning early mornings, late nights, and endless conference calls throughout the long days. While I was happy for her, there hadn't been a lot of time for "us" lately. Lauren said that the work load would eventually die down, so all I had to do was just hold on a little longer. At first, I thought that would be easy. I'd 'held on' for seven years. Turns out that I finally understand why those girls are always so desperate to get Lauren back-sure, she had a dazzling personality and she was beautiful, but the way she made you feel was on a whole different level. Who would want to give that up?
It took me another twenty minutes to finish getting ready, my eyes barely open as I walked out into the living room. Lauren was bending over to get her bag, obviously listening for my footsteps. I gaped at the sight, my eyes now fully open. "Did you have to wear that?"
She stood back up and faced me, "Excuse me?"
"Have you seen your ass in that dress? Do you really expect me to be able to control myself at work?" I walked up to her, wrapping my arms around her small waist in an effort to just be closer to her. I took a deep breath through my nose, my eyes hungrily roaming her body.
"Well, I'm not changing, so... I guess I do expect that."
"I don't know if I can meet those expectations, Ms. Jauregui." I connected our lips passionately, starting a fire between us that was burning dangerously fast. Before I knew it, Lauren pushed me back until I hit the counter. She pulled away, dragging my bottom lip between her teeth until she released it.
"Do you want me to take you? Right now?" She asked and I nodded, my breathing heavy. "Then you shouldn't have made us late." The brunette laughed, pulling away and running out of the door.
"No fair!" I yelled, trailing after her. "You know I can't run!"
-
She had been in meetings all day and I couldn't help but miss my desk buddy. There wasn't a feeling other than disappointment when I looked up only to be met with the absence of her across from me.
I had distractions, though. Normani had been hovering around me all day, obviously itching to ask me about Lauren and I. Everyone was just now feeling comfortable again approaching me, knowing that Lauren and I were once again doing okay in our relationship.
Finally, I turned around in my seat, my eyes meeting Normani's. "Hey."
She immediately pulled a chair up across from me, grinning. The office was a lot more laid back now that Mr. Clarke was always caught up in meetings, making sure Lauren was getting well-acquainted with the upper level. He was rarely around anymore and that usually would have made me happy, but no Mr. Clarke meant no Lauren, and I wasn't adjusting very well to not having her around.
"Hey!" Normani enthused. "How have you been?"
I crossed my legs, leaning back into my seat. "How have I been?" I repeated the question to myself, trying to think of an appropriate answer. "It's been a roller coaster lately, if I'm being honest."
She frowned, her manicured hand moving to rest on my knee. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I had to keep myself from jumping into the air from excitement. I had been dying to discuss my life with someone other than my reflection in the mirror, but of course, no one was going to risk getting on Lauren's bad side. Now that that was over, it was go time. "As you know, Lauren and I had to recently work through some things," Normani nodded, intrigued with the information I was giving out. "which I've learned we are absolutely terrible at. Nothing ever gets talked about. We just wait it out, as if our issues are just going to disappear. All we ever do now is tip-toe around the fact that I'm in love with her. I can't even bring myself to tell her for fear of ruining everything, considering the other fact that I'm not sure she'll ever be in love with me. And honestly," I leaned forward, the words spilling out of my mouth. "I feel like our relationship is absolutely hopeless."
"Hopeless?" Normani questioned, clearly unsure of how to respond.
"Hopeless. We'll build it up over time and make it look nice and everyone will be happy and carefree-until one of us realizes we can't do it anymore. We can't avoid our problems forever. What happens then? What happens to us? We'll forget... We will forget what it felt like to be together before all of the problems started and everyone will go on with their lives. What am I supposed to do? Do I try to live in the present, ignoring the near future that will eventually crush me, or do I just accept it now and try to move on?"
Normani gaped at me, my response more than she expected. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, the realization that I had shared more than I intended sinking in. I wasn't expecting my co-worker to reply before she stood up, reaching her hand out for me to grasp. Once I took it, she smiled. "Come with me."
We walked to the elevator, going up a couple of floors before the doors opened. I'd never been on this floor before, the look of it being extremely professional. It was basically a floor of conference rooms, the glass walls allowing you to see into each one of them. I was confused as to why Normani brought me here and why she was leading me down the hall.
That state of mind was short-lived, however, because she led us to a stop, pointing to one room in particular. My eyes followed the direction of her index finger to see Lauren who was avidly paying attention to Mr. Clarke, the older man giving a presentation to the whole group. I noticed Mark sitting beside her and made a mental note to ask her about it later.
A smile crept up onto my face at the sight of her. "Why did you bring me here?" I asked, my eyes not leaving my girlfriend.
"I wanted you to see her. All this talk about you and her not working out... That's crazy. I don't believe that your relationship will inevitably end and neither should you. Granted, I don't know every detail, but what I do know is how you both feel about each other." I felt Normani's hand rest on my back. "You're Camila and Lauren and you'll always be Camila and Lauren. There's not one without the other. Look at her. That's your best friend-that's your girl. She's yours and I don't think she has any desire to be anybody else's." I nodded, my smile not faltering. "Your relationship isn't hopeless, Mila. Nobody is going to forget about Camren."
I furrowed my eyebrows, my eyes meeting Normani's. "Camren?"
"You know-like Camila and Lauren, but combined. Dinah came up with it."
I laughed, nudging her shoulder. "That's so lame."
"It sounds much nicer than Camdam. And anyway, that's not the point. The point is you both care about each other and enjoy being around one another. You'll figure out the hard stuff along the way and you'll get through it."
"How do you know?" I asked, wondering why she was so confident in this.
"Uh, because you two are meant for each other. Duh."
Another giggle escaped my lips, my eyes flitting back to the girl I was in love with. My chest tightened once again, my heart racing. "Let's just hope she thinks what you think."
-
We returned to our rightful floor a couple of minutes later, Normani being surprisingly helpful in easing my worries. She was right, after all, about Lauren and I always remaining a pair. I wasn't so sure anymore that just anything could tear us apart completely, my lips quirking upward at the thought. I wouldn't exactly call us indestructible, but you would have to be pretty damn strong to keep me away from Lauren and I don't know why I always seemed to doubt that she felt the same way. It wasn't like I wanted to believe she didn't love me, but I just couldn't grasp the concept that she could love me.
But I was the one she was with. I was the one she hugged and kissed and cuddled with at night and I was just going to have to find a way to trust that this was what she wanted.
The familiar sound of heels brought me out of my thoughts, my head popping up to see if the person walking was Lauren. Sure enough, I saw her for a split second before she disappeared into the copy room. I hopped out of my seat, excited to see my girlfriend.
Her back was facing me as she was slightly bent over, trying to figure out how to fix the copy machine. I smirked before I went to wrap my arms around her waist, happy to see her turn around to look at me, a smile gracing her face. "Hi."
"Hi."
"You're very eager today." She noted.
I looked up at her through my eyelashes, biting my lip out of habit. "Can you blame me?" I asked, my hands traveling up and down her sides.
She hummed, shutting her eyes. "You're distracting me."
"Is that so?"
Lauren switched our positions, trapping me in between the copier and her.
I chuckled at that. "Always in control."
"I can't resist." She matched my smirk.
"Join the club." I whispered, my hands trailing to her backside, giving it a squeeze before I pulled her closer to me. Our lips were ghosting each other's mouths, the closeness becoming unbearable.
A sound of disgust filled the air. "Can you not grope your girlfriend like that in public?"
I looked over Lauren's shoulder to see none other than Dinah smiling sweetly at us. I groaned, my head falling onto Lauren's shoulder. "Why must you interrupt?"
My girlfriend giggled. "We'll continue this." She stepped out of my embrace and grabbed her poorly made copies, grinning at Dinah as she walked out.
"Dinah, I might kill you."
The Polynesian laughed. "I am with child. You shall do no harm."
"Fair enough." I grimaced. "In the meantime, could you not interrupt me while I try to seduce Lauren?"
"...Fair enough." She settled. "Just try to seduce her at home. I'm more prone to throwing up now, you know?"
I scoffed, the joking tone of our conversation entertaining me. "And you call yourself a supporter of Camren."
"Oh, I am a supporter. I'll be the most excited guest at your wedding, believe that."
"Our wedding?" I chuckled. "Yeah, like that'll ever happen."
"Don't crush my dreams, Mila. A girl can hope." Dinah sent me a playful wink before she walked away, returning to her desk.
I peeked into the open office, my eyes falling on Lauren. There was no way we'd ever have a wedding and she herself had hinted at that many times, the way she was always so worried about not being able to give me my "fairytale". The truth was I didn't care about a wedding. All I wanted was to be with her for the rest of my life, marriage license or not.
I just wish I wasn't so damn scared all of the time. I was scared to ask her where we exactly stood, what this was going to turn into, and I was scared to just simply tell her that I was in love with her-something that I'd already told her a million times before. ...Well, not quite. I'd told her I loved her before, but that was when we were friends-and even then she couldn't fully say the three words back. I was scared shitless of what would happen if I told her. Would I lose her? Every other girl has-and I certainly didn't compare to most of them. What chance did I even have of this turning out well-an average looking girl like myself confessing my love to the one and only Lauren Jauregui and expecting her to return the feeling? That just wasn't reasonable to me or to anyone else, probably.
It wasn't like I was necessarily scared of admitting my feelings-I was always quite good at that-it was the fact that I had to admit my feelings for her... to her. If it was anyone different-anyone besides Lauren Jauregui-this wouldn't be a big deal. I would have said it the second I was aware of it without a thought. But the person I was in love with was not 'anyone besides Lauren Jauregui' and that was the issue I couldn't get over.
How was I supposed to stand in front of her-the girl that everyone wants to be with, the girl that everyone loves and wants to impress, the girl that had people begging for her at her feet... How was I supposed to stand in front of her and bare my soul for her?
I was scared and I had every right to be.
Lauren looked at me from across the room, beaming. I smiled weakly in return, my heart beginning to race at the sight of her beauty.
How could she ever love me?
-
When it was time to leave, I couldn't find Lauren anywhere in sight. I figured it was going to be another late night for her, so I reluctantly grabbed my bag and headed out of the building. The cold air danced throughout my hair and nipped at my cheeks, turning them a faint pink. I'd always left the car for Lauren-I didn't want her walking home alone late at night-so my trips home nowadays weren't exactly desirable, considering the chilly weather was making its way to New York this time of year. I just couldn't seem to catch a break these days. Was it the universe's way of telling me this was all a huge mistake? I sighed, answering that question for myself: Signs from the universe or not, I'd give up everything for Lauren. I couldn't just "go with it" anymore. I needed answers. I needed to know just how much she felt for me before I gave her everything I had. It was only a matter of time.
Our loft was so empty without her there. There wasn't a feeling to describe how it was coming home to nothing everyday when just a few months ago, she was here with me. It was different now without Adam, too. He used to be there when Lauren wasn't and I was always with one or the other. Now, I was alone. I couldn't stand it.
My life was pathetically desolate without her near me like she always used to be. I couldn't believe I was once going to move thousands of miles away from her to live with a man I never loved. She was ten minutes away from me right now and I felt like dying.
I walked to our room and laid down on Lauren's side of the bed. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I began to pout about her new job responsibilities. All of that time spent at work was time away from me. I laid my head down on her pillow and her scent immediately flooded my senses. She always smelled so good.
I laughed aloud. I was sounding absolutely insane. I had just seen her a couple of hours ago and I was already missing the way she smelled. Eventually, my eyes shut and I began to dream about how deep I'd fallen.
-
I woke at the sound of a door shutting-Lauren was finally home. I sat up, taking in the darkness surrounding me. Looking at the clock on the nightstand, it read eleven at night. I jumped up, looking down at my wrinkled work clothes that I fell asleep in. Nice, I thought to myself. Real sexy. I padded into the living room to see her laying on the couch, eyes closed. As I approached her, she opened them, a smile falling onto her lips.
"Hey," She held her arms out. "Come here."
I quickly climbed on top of her, my head resting on her chest. Lauren grasped my hand, playing with my fingers, and I was in bliss. "What are you doing out here?"
"I didn't want to wake you." She whispered, as if she was still afraid of disturbing my rest. "Were you waiting up?" She asked, referring to my clothing.
"No, I fell asleep when I got home." I sat up, my knees on either side of her hips. "I missed you."
She didn't laugh or crack a joke about that like I expected her to; instead she just nodded like she truly understood. It made my heart flutter. "I missed you, too."
I closed the distance between us, kissing the lips I'd longed for all day. We were finally home-alone-and nothing could interrupt us now. Her delicate right hand rested on my cheek while she placed the other on the back of my neck, pulling me into her. Our tongues brushed across each other lightly before she began to apply more pressure into the kiss, our need for each other growing by the millisecond. It wasn't long before I lost track of who was biting whose lip, Lauren's hand now desperately tangled in my hair. The air between us was hard to swallow, the warmth of it almost suffocating, but neither of us let up. It seemed to only further our passion. I gripped both sides of her face, holding onto her almost desperately like she was going to disappear from me any moment. Our noses meshed together, both of our lips swollen from contact. I felt her hands begin to rub my thighs and just as her hand reached my waistband, her phone rang.
She pulled away and I groaned out of frustration, sitting up to see her answer her phone happily. Lauren talked animately, seemingly unfazed by the interruption. My girlfriend's free hand was subconsciously rubbing my back and I smiled at just how accustomed we had gotten to being this close to each other. My frustration faded and I waited patiently for her to finish her conversation, knowing she regularly took her time on phone calls, always giving people her undivided attention.
I pushed my hair back to see her more clearly, observing the way she was wearing a slight smile despite the late work call. I was suddenly aware of how lucky I was to be together with her-someone as absolutely breathtaking as she was. Her eyes glistening even in her haze of obvious exhaustion. How was it that I ended up with this girl? I noticed when she let out a small chuckle at whatever her coworker was speaking to her about, the way her pink lips-still slightly swollen from our encounter-moved back to show a full grin. Her emerald eyes squinted in her laughter and I wanted nothing more than to stick around to see little crinkles form there with age.
She said a goodbye, hanging up her phone to set it elsewhere, and met my eyes. A soft smile appeared when she realized I'd been staring. "What?"
I couldn't help myself as I brushed the pad of my thumb over her pale rose cheeks. "You're so beautiful."
Lauren tilted her head as her smile slowly faded and she started to study me, her eyes frequently trying to figure me out. Finally, she spoke. "Nobody's ever said that to me that before."
The small confession wounded my heart as I thought about it. "You are," I murmured, leaning down to kiss her, "Beautiful," Kiss. "Beautiful," Kiss. "Beautiful." I looked into her eyes once more and immediately knew I couldn't hide this anymore. Lauren needed to know how I felt about her-she needed to know that I was in love with her. As I hovered over her, the feelings flooded over me. I felt like I was drowning in them, like if I didn't say something now, I wouldn't ever have the chance to again. She must have sensed the seriousness of my demeanor and I started to search her eyes for any sign that what I was about to tell her would be welcomed, but I just saw fear. One single, shaky breath of mine filled the air, and then I began. "Lauren, I-"
"Camila, don't." She sighed. "You'll ruin it."
I didn't know just how intense the ache would be in your chest when someone you loved said something like that to you. "Ruin what?" I asked, softly. I knew she could tell I was hurt. "What are we?"
But Lauren was conflicted on how to answer that and instead she just shook her head, breaking our eye contact because she just couldn't bear to see the pain she caused.
"Well?" I questioned, my tone more aggressive. I grabbed her face and made her look me in the eyes. "Answer me."
She swallowed hard before she answered. "I never asked you to fall for me. I never asked anyone to."
And, I swear to God, that shattered me. I stared at her, begging her with my eyes to just say it-to give me something to work with-but was met with absolute silence. And then the realization hit me, like it had so many times before, but this was different: "You're never going to love me, are you?"
Lauren opened her mouth to reply, but I spared myself the extra misery, stumbling to get off of her. The same pillow covered in Lauren's scent was now covered in my tears. I'd never cried so much in my life.
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