One and Only

Part 32

One and Only - Chapter Thirty-Two
Camila's POV
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"You know, Lauren told me something interesting before we left last night."
I turned to look at Adam, the dark-haired man seemingly in deep thought.
"You told me that you were never intimate with her, yet she started bragging about it-and how dare you give her details of our personal love life." He stared at me as if he was disciplining a small child and I'd had enough.
I was already upset and frankly, I was more than annoyed at Adam-not to mention myself. "She is-" I paused, correcting myself, "was my best friend. So, of course I told her everything about us. And, if you must know, I lied to you, Adam. We were 'intimate' very frequently." He shook his head in disgust and I shifted in my seat, moving closer to him. "She fucked me... in ways you couldn't even imagine... over and over and over-she fucked me really good, Adam, and I liked it."
He scoffed, quickly glancing at the chauffeur to make sure he didn't hear, "Don't be so vulgar, Camila. It's not attractive. That was extremely inappropriate and no wife of mine will use those words-nor should you ever mention that girl's name again. We'll talk about this later."
I ignored him, continuing, "She made me moan and scream and scratch and bite,"
"Enough!" He yelled. Our chauffeur looked at us through his rearview mirror.
"Everything okay back there?" He asked me.
"Everything's fine." Adam replied.
"I wasn't asking you, sir."
I made eye contact with the concerned driver, nodding reluctantly, and the car fell into silence.
I returned to my previous position huddled near the car door and watched the passing landscape, holding back tears. She said she loved me.
She said she loved me.
And I just left her.
I don't know what I was thinking-I wasn't thinking. I was just so blindsided. But the look on her face...
I felt sick. Was I really going to give up Lauren just to have the comfort of knowing what my future held for me? Was it really worth losing her?
I couldn't believe this was happening. I couldn't believe that Lauren told me she was in love with me and I couldn't believe that I was on my way to the airport with someone that wasn't her.
"We're here." I heard Adam grumble.
I hastily opened the door and got to my feet, breathing more easily now that I wasn't so close to him.
I watched as he opened up the trunk and started pulling out his bags, a grimace on his face from our earlier conversation. When he noticed I wasn't moving, he stopped. "What are you doing? Gather your bags, Camila."
"...No." I stated simply. "No." I repeated, the word rolling off my tongue easily.
"Don't defy me." He spat. "Collect your luggage."
"No."
"Get your things!" He raised his voice, angry and unsure of what to do now that I was disobeying him.
I crossed my arms, "I'm not going to California with you."
"Don't be absurd." He chuckled, not taking me seriously.
"I don't love you."
Adam balled his fists, glaring at me. "Excuse me?" When I opened my mouth to speak again, he interrupted. "You don't love me?"
"I'm sorry-"
"No," He laughed, but I had a feeling he wasn't amused at all. "You don't love me," He repeated, "You don't love me." I stayed quiet, afraid I had pushed him off the edge. "I've given you everything!" Adam screamed, pointing at me and earning a few stares. "I spent four years of my life with you for this? I took you in when Lauren didn't want you anymore-I gave you a ring. I'm giving you a wedding, a home, and a family. All you had to do was play the good wife-and you couldn't even do that!" I gulped, taking a small step away from him. "If you didn't want to be together then why did you get in the car with me last night?"
"Because you told me to," I murmured.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Really? Because I 'told you to'? No, I don't accept that." He shook his head, exasperated. "I don't understand you, Camila. Why would you leave Lauren if you don't love me?" I didn't respond, so he spoke again. "In fact, why would you even be with me at all if you don't love me?"
"Because you love me and she doesn't. Or-I thought she didn't. But she does-she loves me."
"So, what? I was some sort of lesson to her? 'If you don't want me, someone else will.'?"
"No, I just... I didn't want to be alone. I'm sorry." I frowned, pulling my engagement ring off and attempting to give it back to him.
"I don't want that." Adam slammed the trunk shut, picking up his bags. "And you know what, Camila? You deserve to be alone." He walked off and disappeared behind the doors of the airport, leaving me alone with the chauffeur who tried to keep impassive expression.
"Will you take me home?" I asked him weakly.
"Where is that, ma'am?"
I froze. I didn't have a home. For the first time in my life, I was completely on my own. "I... I don't know." I admitted, feeling tears sting my eyes.
A trace of sympathy flitted across his features before he opened the car door for me, "I can book you a hotel room, ma'am. Anywhere you'd like."
I climbed into the back seat, leaning against the arm rest on my side of the car. My hand was on my forehead and my leg bounced up and down anxiously as I thought about being alone.
The chauffeur began to drive, making frequent eye contact with me through the mirror as if he sensed my apprehension. We were five minutes in the drive when he said, "I don't think you deserve to be alone, ma'am."
"Thank you," I softly responded.
But Adam was right. I hurt them too many times and I didn't expect forgiveness from either of them. Maybe I wasn't worthy of that.
The last few months were a blur. So much happened, all because Lauren and I were too afraid of ruining something that was already ruined. She pushed me to my limit and I pushed her right back. That's just the way we were when we were together. It was too much pressure. And that wasn't going to change just because I knew she loved me. We just weren't good with communication. It took her seven years to admit she was in love with me, and even then I couldn't give her a coherent response. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together like that. Maybe love wasn't enough.
But that didn't change how I felt about her. That didn't change the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about her or that I wanted to be with her. I still wanted her to be mine. The problem was I didn't know how to keep her.
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I grew more anxious with every ring. I thought she wasn't going to pick up until-
"Hello?"
I gripped the phone tighter, noticing how tired her voice sounded, "Lauren?"
"Camila?" She seemed surprised, "Is that you?"
"Yeah, sorry. My phone died so I'm using a pay phone. I feel very New York right now." I chuckled to lighten the mood but she stayed silent. "What are you doing right now?"
"Why are you calling me?"
I bit my lip, huddling in closer to the phone. "I wanted to hear your voice."
Her tone softened, "Don't you have a plane to catch?"
"No."
"Because you should really-" She paused, "Wait. What?"
"I don't have a plane to catch." I explained, waiting for her to reply.
It was quiet for a long time and I thought she hung up, but then she whispered, "You stayed?"
"I stayed."
I heard movement on the other end and figured she moved to stand up, "Where are you?"
"I'm outside of The Plaza Hotel."
"I'll come get you." She said, moving around the loft.
"No, Lauren-just... wait." I heard her stop and I tried to remain firm on what I decided. "I'm staying here for a bit."
"At the hotel? Why?"
"I need some time to think... and I think it would be good for us to stay apart for a couple of days. We both need to think."
"I've already been apart from you, Camila. You've been gone for almost two months."
"This is different. I just want to focus on what's best for us."
I heard her sigh. "Can I see you?"
"No. I can't... think with you around."
"What about work? Didn't you quit?"
"No, Mr. Clarke is letting me take a few days off."
"Do you have enough money?" She asked, sounding exasperated. "Do you need me to send you some? And are you sure you'll be okay alone? I know you have trouble with that. Maybe you should come home instead. I promise I won't bother you. You can take your old room back-"
"Lauren, I'll be fine, okay? I just needed to let you know."
"...Okay." She finally said.
"Okay."
"I guess... Um, I guess I'll let you get settled in."
"Okay, bye-"
"Camila?" She interrupted.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
I nodded, smiling even though she couldn't see me. Lauren hung up after that, leaving me to listen to the dial tone on the dead line. "I love you, too."
I put the phone back and turned to pick up my bags. It felt different knowing that I was going to be on my own for the next few days and as I walked into the lobby, I knew I'd made the right decision.
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Turns out, you can find a lot to do when you're avoiding something. Like unfolding then refolding all of your clothes, rearranging bottles from the mini-bar, and doing amateur push-ups on the ground until your arms shake.
Actually sitting down and trying to rationally think about what the next step was concerning Lauren and I was harder than I thought it would be. So, I was trying to keep myself busy. However, it had resulted in me obsessively ordering room service, so when I ate my weight in chef's specials, I figured it was time to start reflecting.
The problem was I didn't know how to do that. I huffed, opening my laptop and searching: How to Make a Decision.
I was desperate. There had to be some sort of digital Magic 8 Ball or something, right? Scrolling through too many pages that said something along the lines of, "look deep in yourself," and "meditate," I finally saw an option I could take somewhat seriously: a pro-con list.
I set my laptop to the side and picked up the complimentary notepad and pen that the hotel left on the nightstand, beginning to write.
Trying to get all of the negative stuff out first, I began to fill out the Cons section.
Cons: 1. She's indecisive. 2. We have trouble communicating. 3. Trust issues. 4. We argue a lot. 5. We know how to hurt each other. 6. Our future is and probably always will be unclear. 7. I get insanely jealous with her. 8. She's not always open with me.
Pros: 1. She's not Adam. I chuckled as I wrote it, blushing as the next thought came to mind. 2. The sex.
My phone vibrated and I immediately hid the notepad as if I'd been caught.
Ally Hernandez: What's your room number? We're in the lobby.
I furrowed my eyebrows, typing a quick reply: Why are you in the lobby? And who's 'we'?
Ally Hernandez: Normani, Dinah, and me. Room number?
I rolled my eyes at the way she blatantly ignored my first question and sent her my room number. I set the notepad back on the nightstand and tried to straighten up a little before they came in and saw how much food I had ingested in past couple of hours.
It wasn't long before I heard a knock at my door and when I opened it, all three of them walked in, making themselves at home straightaway. Ally and Normani took the bed and Dinah leaned against the wall.
"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, taking a seat in the empty chair.
"Lauren sent us," Normani answered as if I should've known.
Of course. I shook my head, annoyed.
"She's worried about you." Dinah spoke.
I looked at her. Things were still rocky between us since she found out about the affair. She wasn't exactly thrilled about the quick goodbye I had to give them yesterday either. "I don't need a babysitter-or babysitters, in this case."
"We aren't here to babysit. We're here to make sure you're okay." Ally interjected, giving me a friendly smile.
"Yeah. I mean, you left Adam today. That's a big deal-" Normani began.
"She told you about Adam?"
"She didn't have to, Mila. Although, she did tell us that you didn't want to go home and that you didn't want to see her." Mani said, "But she didn't want you to be alone, so she asked us to come."
Ally added, "Don't worry. We aren't here to interrogate you. You don't have to tell us about why you left Adam or why you don't want to see Lauren-"
"She told me that she's in love with me." I glanced at all of the girls, the astonished looks on their faces mimicking mine from last night. "I couldn't... I couldn't go through with it. I thought I could. I thought I could leave her behind and have a perfect life with Adam, but that's all meaningless to me now that I know how she feels. Everything I thought I wanted with Adam is nothing compared to the way I want her." I tried to explain without giving too much away, "Everything is just so complicated now. We've hurt each other so much since this whole thing started and now I don't know if we can fix it."
There was a stillness in the room before Normani spoke, "O... kay..." She drew out the word, "I wasn't expecting that."
"Me neither," Ally commented.
"What's going to happen if you can't fix it?" Dinah questioned me. "If you can't get past everything? I mean, do you honestly think you can just go back to being best friends?"
"Look, I don't have all the answers. That's why I'm staying here, away from distraction, so that I can try to make a logical-"
"There's nothing logical about this." The Polynesian girl stated, "There isn't a clear decision to make here, Camila, so if that's what you're waiting on, it's not going to happen. Whatever you decide to do, whether you end up with Lauren or not, is going to be difficult."
Ally nodded, "I agree with Dinah. There's no easy or simple choice to make."
"I never said it was easy," I defended myself, but Normani gave me a knowing look.
"Camila, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to come up with a rational answer-but there isn't one. And who says you need one? You can figure this out together."
I almost bursted out in laughter. "Do you think that I would be here if I thought Lauren and I could actually work this out together?" No one responded. "I'm trying my best, okay? I have to face what I did-I have to face how much I hurt her, and then we both have to repair the damage we've done to us. That's not exactly something we know how to do."
"All we're saying, Camila, is that you shouldn't force Lauren out on a decision that affects her, too. Give her a chance to change."
I looked at Ally, wondering if they would be saying the same thing if they knew everything that Lauren and I had gone through. If they knew about the affair, about Kat, about James... It was easily becoming too much.
Dinah must've knew what I was thinking because she spoke up, gesturing to the bags on the desk. "We brought dinner. But...," she grinned at all of the empty dishes from room service, "it looks like you've eaten?"
"I had some light snacks," I smiled, relieved to have the pressure off of my relationship, "but there's always room for more." Normani and Ally got off the bed to get the food out, so I made my way over to Dinah, standing next to her. "I don't know what to say other than 'you were right'," I whispered. "I was being selfish and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I should've listened to you. What I did really hurt Lauren and now I think I've ruined everything. I'm sorry for being such an idiot."
"It's okay," She gave me a soft smile. "Plus, I think you've been punished enough lately." Dinah gave me a long hug before she said, "And you didn't ruin everything. Lauren loves you, yeah? You can work this out. Just don't leave her waiting too long."
I nodded, watching as she joined the two girls by the desk. I wanted to thank Lauren for sending them, even though I told her I would be fine alone. She always seemed to know me better than I knew myself.
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