One and Only

Part 14

One and Only - Chapter Fourteen

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Camila's POV
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I woke up in a slew of clothing and blankets. I looked around, momentarily disoriented, before I remembered that I was in my old room. Lauren wasn't beside me and I frowned at the absence of her. I briefly remembered her telling me something about not staying in bed with her girlfriends after sex. Rolling my eyes, I got up, my body more relaxed than it had ever been. A smile crept onto my face at the realization that that was because of Lauren. Remembering the way she took control like that-I squirmed. I dragged a sheet off of the bed, wrapping it around my torso to cover me up, before I walked out, in search for my Lauren.
I walked to her study, smiling as I saw her writing. She was wearing one of my t-shirts, her hair tousled beautifully. "Hi," I murmured.
She glanced up at me, her eyes nervous. "Hi." Lauren's eyes lingered on my body for a split second before returning back to her work.
"You look good." I commented.
She nodded, "I slept last night." Her voice was laced with disbelief.
My mouth dropped open. "You did?"
She nodded again. "For a couple of hours, actually." Her gaze locked in on me, her eyes a bright green. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Um, y-yeah... Of course I did." I stuttered, her uneasy demeanor making me anxious. She was making this tense. She muttered a 'good', her attention returning back to her work. I tried a different tactic, planning to lighten the mood. "I think you owe me a new dress."
Lauren chuckled, the sound making me calm. "Well, I think you look just lovely wearing that sheet, Camz." Her small joke gave me enough confidence to stride over to her, then realizing she wasn't wearing a bra. My mouth watered at the sight. "So, how did your orgasm feel?" She stifled a laugh.
My eyes bore into hers before I sat sideways in her lap. Lauren wrapped her arms around me. This was more like it. "The first one or the second one?" I whispered sultrily, taking her lips into mine.
She pulled back, clearing her throat. "Let's go get you that dress."
-
Lauren dragged me to the mall, barely saying anything the whole way there. I sighed. We had just gotten over a problem, and now there was another one she wasn't telling me about. We walked to at least six different stores before I stopped us. "I'm hungry." I whined.
"We haven't found you a dress yet."
"Lauren, you are free to rip any dress off of me at any time." I grasped her hand before she could protest, leading us to the food court. I took a deep breath. "Ah, yes. Unhealthy food. I'm home."
We sat at a table after we ordered and I watched as Lauren barely ate. I snapped my fingers in front of her. "Okay, what's with you?" I asked.
She shook her head, "Nothing."
"Did I do something? Was it last night?" Panic set in. "Was I bad?" Even I could hear the horror in my voice.
"No!" She replied quickly. "No, Camz-don't think that."
"Well, what am I supposed to think?" I watched as Lauren did her shrug, inhaling deeply. "Things would be a lot easier if you could just tell me the things bothering you."
"There's no need to burden you with my thoughts. I can figure out a solution to my own problems by myself."
I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. This all goes back to the thing with her mother. "I can take care of myself." The words flowed through my head. "I know you can, Laur, but it doesn't hurt sometimes to have some help."
"I don't need help, Camila." She crossed her arms, sitting back in her chair. "Just finish your food already."
I arched an eyebrow at her. "Is Grumpy Lauren out today?"
"Grumpy Lauren?"
"Yeah. There's Grumpy Lauren and Sweet Lauren and Vulnerable Lauren and Affectionate Lauren and now... there's Irresistible Lauren." I smirked. She gazed at me impassively.
"You make it sound like I have different personalities."
"Oh, Laur. You do. Believe me."
Lauren gave a slight smile. "Which Lauren is your favorite Lauren?"
I thought about it for a moment before I answered. "All of them."
Her eyes hardened, confusion clouding them. "Come on. Let's go." She stood up, not waiting for me as she walked away from the table. I raced to catch up with her, taking her hand in mine. She tensed at my touch.
"Grumpy Lauren." I said, squeezing her hand. She smiled discreetly, leading us to the exit.
We were stopped abruptly by a woman, who I recognized to be Dinah after a split second. She greeted us loudly, pulling me into a hug. I heard Lauren laugh as she was brought in, too.
She released us, beaming. "What are you guys doing here? I'm just here with Ally."
I felt arms wrap around both of my legs as I looked down to see Ally's two kids.
"Aunt Mila!" They screamed simultaneously. I brought them in for a hug.
"You boys got so big!" I crouched down to their level, grinning at them.
Dinah smiled. "Nathan here has just turned six, haven't you?" Ally's eldest son nodded, swaying back and forth on his feet.
"Whoa!" I exclaimed. "You're a man now, huh?" He nodded again, both of them now looking at Lauren. She gave them a small wave before they answered with a huge one.
"Hi, Lauren!" Nathan yelled. She chuckled, bending down. I was nervous-Grumpy Lauren around kids... Hell, just Lauren around kids.
"Hi, Nathan. Hi, Justin." She greeted the four year old as well.
"You're Aunt Mila's girlfriend, right?" Nathan questioned. She nodded in response. "That's awesome! I have a girlfriend, too." He whispered in her ear, barely loud enough for me to hear. "Don't tell Mommy, though... or Aunt Dinah-she can't keep secrets."
As if on cue, Ally showed up, tons of bags in hand. She looked annoyed at Dinah before she smiled down at us. "Fancy seeing you two here."
"Did you do some shopping, Ally?" I laughed, a bag dropping to the ground.
"Actually, Dinah did some shopping, but she claims she's 'too pregnant' to carry the bags. As if I don't know what it's like to carry a baby." She scoffed. Dinah shrugged and I noticed Lauren and Nathan still whispering. Ally glanced at them. "Nathan, what are you two chatting about?"
He stepped back, eyes wide. "Nothing!" Lauren winked at him before he grasped Ally's hand, winking back at her. She gave some of the bags to him, speaking to both of her sons as Dinah studied us.
"So, what's with the no bags?" She asked.
Lauren gave me a look. "Well, we were here to replace one of Camila's dresses, but she was hungry, so we stopped at the food court."
"What's wrong with your dress, Mila? I bet Mani could fix it-she's really good at that stuff."
I flushed. "Uh-no, that's not necessary. I don't think it's very fixable."
"What happened to it? Did you spill something on it?"
"No, I... it ripped." I looked over to Lauren who was holding back a laugh.
"Mani can fix a small rip, Camila. Don't be ridiculous."
"No, it really ripped. Right down the middle." I tried to explain.
Dinah looked at both of us before she made a face of disgust. "I don't need to know that Lauren likes it rough." Ally glared up at us and Dinah clamped her mouth shut.
"Lauren likes what rough?" Nathan asked.
Dinah, Ally, and I panicked, trying to come up with something before Lauren leaned down. "Hey, remember our secret?"
"Shh, someone will hear." He said, flustered.
"Okay, okay. Sorry. You should get ready, though, don't you think?" Lauren smiled as he nodded.
"Mommy, let's go." He tugged on her hand and they disappeared into the crowd. She shouted a goodbye, taken off guard by her son's urgency. Dinah waved goodbye to us, catching up with them.
"Keeping another secret from me now?" I asked.
She just smirked. "Which Lauren is that?"
"Just another part of Grumpy Lauren, I think." I took her hand, walking toward the exit.
"I think we have a double date with a six year old."
My eyebrows rose in surprise. "You promised a double date with a six year old?"
She frowned. "He said he was nervous. He told me that if we were there, he would have the confidence to make the 'right moves'. I couldn't say no to that."
I hummed. "Welcome back, Sweet Lauren."
-
When we went back to the loft, we went our separate ways, doing different things. I continued reading my book as she stayed in her study, the faint sounds of Victim of Love by the Eagles flowing through the loft. I decided that I was bored, getting up to go talk with her.
Just as I was about to open the door, I heard her voice. She was on the phone. I leaned in, my ear straining to hear.
"I really can't talk for long right now ... I'm not going to meet you somewhere, are you crazy? ... No, that's too risky. Look, I called for some advice. Some quick advice. ... Don't waste my time. This is important to me. She's important to me. ... Are you drunk? Is that what's going on? ... Unbelievable. Call me when you're sober." I heard her shift before I jumped away from the door, soaring onto the couch. I winced as my head hit the arm of the sofa, letting out a groan of pain. Lauren was quick to my side, worry in her eyes.
"Camz? Did you hurt yourself?"
I rubbed my head. "No," I lied. "What were you doing in there?"
She sat down next to me, scooting me down to make room for her. "What I always do. Writing."
I studied her, turning to face her. My leg wrapped under me as I tried to get comfortable. The phone call was fresh in my mind as I ran a hand through my hair. "Laur, I know that some things have changed between us recently, but... above all, we're best friends. You know you can tell me anything, right? Just like before we started dating."
Lauren looked at me and I thought for a second that she realized I was eavesdropping on her one-sided phone call conversation. "I know... There's just a few things I need to get sorted out before I start worrying you with them, okay?"
"I don't mind worrying with you."
"You say that now... Just give me a bit longer... Can we take it a little bit slower for just a few more days?" She asked.
I hid the disappointment from my face. Slow? Lauren wanted to go slow? I'd never heard of such a thing from her. "Whatever you want, Lauren."
"I promise I won't keep you waiting for too long. I just have to figure some things out." She smiled, relieved, planting a kiss, surprisingly, on my cheek. She walked towards the kitchen, going on about what she was making for dinner, but I couldn't focus on what she was saying-on what was coming out of her mouth.
Slow. Slow. I tested out the word in my head. Lauren Jauregui wanted to go slow. Lauren... Jauregui... My best friend of seven years... Taking a relationship slow. Surely, this wasn't a good sign. How was I not supposed to worry about this? I knew everything about this girl and I knew 'slow' wasn't in her vocabulary. I sank deeper into the couch. Did I know everything about her? I definitely didn't know who she could have possibly been talking to on the phone just a couple of minutes ago, and I definitely couldn't ask her. She would just shut down. You didn't get to decide when Vulnerable Lauren came out, that was all her.
I glanced over at her in the kitchen. She was cutting up some vegetables, singing quietly to herself, her hips swaying. I thought with last night, we had taken the next step but really, we had taken two steps back. Not only were we back to not having sex but now, she wouldn't even kiss me on the lips. I rested my head in my hands trying to come up with an explanation for her back and forth behavior, only coming up empty handed.
"Camz?" I heard. I looked up at Lauren. "Did you hear me?"
"N-no, sorry. What did you say?" I stuttered.
"I asked you if you wanted to watch a movie."
I shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever you want. That's all we ever do, anyway."
She frowned at me, her chopping of vegetables coming to a stop as she crossed her arms, surveying me. "Is something wrong?"
"I'm just really confused."
"About?"
"Us."
Her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean, Camz?"
I sighed. "You're confusing, Lauren."
Lauren's lips fought a smirk. "Did that one make the list? Confusing Lauren?"
I couldn't help but grin at her making light of the situation. "Confusing, frustrating, unpredictable... The list goes on. I told you that you have different personalities."
"Well," she resumed her chopping, "I'm going to have all of my problems figured out soon, okay? And then neither of us will be confused."
I didn't reply, moving to sit back against the couch. When was soon going to be? A couple of days, weeks, months? My lips pursed together, unsure of what this meant for us. And why was she confused? Was I being confusing? I thought I was being pretty damn straightforward in my signals-maybe too straightforward. Oh, shit. Was that it? Was I being too clingy?
"Lauren?" I looked at her, apprehension consuming me. "Are you sure it's not something I'm doing? Because if it is, I can fix it. Just tell me-I can work on it."
"Camz." She frowned, her eyes focused on the task in front of her. "It's not you. And even if it was, I'd never want you to feel like you need to change yourself for me."
She didn't want that? Then what the hell did she want? I almost rolled my eyes, irritated that she had left me to battle with the endless torturing possibilities running through my mind. "I'd do anything for you." I stated. Lauren stilled, her emerald orbs burning intensely in my direction. She looked perplexed, as if she was at a loss for words. "I'd be anything for you-be anyone for you." There was a pause, a building of electricity between us. "It's always been that way, even before we were together. I'd follow you anywhere, Lauren." I quickly wiped a single tear from my cheek, refusing to show weakness now. It was always there, this overwhelming feeling that I was alone in the way I felt for her. It was crazy to even think she felt deeply for me. In fact, it was more than crazy. It was impossible. She still hadn't said anything, just standing there, staring at me. The way she looked at me almost made me crumble. There wasn't a doubt in the world that I was under her spell. "I don't think I'm in the mood for a movie." I said, recomposing myself. "I'm going out for a walk."
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The air was crisp and clear, much more different from the tense atmosphere at home. I had walked pretty far already, a couple of miles away from the loft. My mind raced with thoughts of Lauren. I hadn't realized this would be so difficult-falling in love with my best friend-but it was one of the hardest things I'd ever gone through and it was only the beginning. I knew there were girls who would kill to be in my position-dating and living with Lauren-and I wondered just how long it would take her to figure that out. There were so many girls out there who were better than me whether or not it was because they were prettier or smarter or more successful... They existed and they were in love with Lauren and I couldn't compete with that, especially when she was so unsure about us.
I stopped at a coffee shop, walking inside of it and immediately being comforted by the easygoing ambience of the place.
"Camila?" I heard a familiar voice.
I turned around to see Adam standing behind me, his hands shoved in his pockets.
"Are you meeting someone here?" He asked, obviously trying to work around the real question: Are you seeing someone?
"No, I was just out for a walk. I ended up here."
"Out for a walk? You're a little way from home." Adam frowned at me, concerned.
"I needed the time to think." I admitted, nervously glancing around the room.
He nodded. "Well, you look beautiful, Camila."
My mind flashed back to last night. "You're beautiful, Camila." Lauren's voice flowed freely in my ears, the way she looked at me making me weak in the knees. It didn't sound right coming out of Adam's mouth. "Thank you, Adam." I said anyway. "It was nice seeing you." I stepped back before he stopped me.
"Wait!" His eyes were wide, desperate as he spoke to me. "We should meet up again, for old time's sake. I've got a few things to say."
"Adam..."
"Come on, Camila. Just give me another chance."
"I'm seeing someone." I blurted out.
His eyes darkened to almost a black. "Who? I demand to know."
"Lauren."
Adam laughed, big howls being released into the air around us. He rested his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. I glared at him before he stopped. "Oh, Camila. You're serious?"
He thought I was joking? "Of course I am."
His mouth opened in surprise. "You love Lauren? How could you be so stupid?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Her longest relationship was, like, what? A couple of weeks?"
"Two months." I corrected him, crossing my arms.
"And how long have you been with her? A couple of days?" He snorted.
"About a month."
Adam scowled at me. "A month? Didn't take her very long to snatch you up then, did it? Oh, fuck this. Fuck her." People were starting to stare, Adam's voice beginning to rise. I shushed him, guiding us over to a secluded corner. He never cursed. "I can't believe this, Camila. How could you ever think this was a good idea?"
"You don't even know her." I spat.
"You seem to forget that I've known her for more than half of the time you have." He snarled. "What is your goal here? To become one of those pathetic girls that eventually get thrown to the side?"
"I'm not discussing this right now."
Adam straightened up, smoothing out his jacket. His angry mood seemed to vanish. "I would like to take you to dinner."
"No."
"Not as a date. I just want to talk."
I sighed. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"We were together for four years, Camila. You at least owe me one dinner."
I considered it for a moment, his pleading eyes making me feel guilty. "Okay... Okay. I'll go if Lauren says she's okay with it."
"What, you have to ask her to make plans?"
"No." I glowered. "I'd like to run this particular thing by her-you know, having dinner with my ex-fiancé-but no, I don't ever have to ask her to do anything. It's actually the complete opposite from when you were trying to control my life. She doesn't do that."
"I'm sure Lauren doesn't do a lot of things-like commit to you or love you back, but that's none of my business." He shrugged, noticing the way my glance fell to the ground. "You deserve better than her, Camila, and everyone knows that." Adam gave me a sympathetic glance before his face hardened again. "Now, get your coffee. I'll be driving you home."
"Oh, that's not necessary-"
"I'm not letting you walk back home alone this late. Order your things. I'll wait." He handed me money, out of habit, I guess, and sat down at a table, taking out his Blackberry and reading emails.
I walked to the counter, a small smile on my face. I don't know why running into Adam made this night better for me. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't confusing like Lauren, maybe it was that I missed him a bit, or maybe it was that he still cared about me, I don't know, but it made me happy, in a way. I ordered a small coffee, returning to the man I had walked away from. It was odd, I thought, staring at the person I was going to spend my life with-staring at the person who was going to be the father of my children... "I'm ready."
Adam looked up from his phone, slipping it into his jacket pocket, and stood up. He held the door open for me out of the coffee shop and into his car, something he usually never did.
The drive home was quiet and we didn't say our goodbyes when I got out, making sure to leave the money he handed me in the coffee shop on the seat.
Once I got to our front door, I took a deep breath. I wondered briefly if what I said might have been too much for her-if I overdid it. I could hear I Can't Tell You Why by the Eagles playing faintly through the door, meaning she was in her study.
I opened the front door, walking over to the room she barely left. She was on the phone again.
"I needed you and you weren't there-you were off getting drunk-and now she's gone. ... I don't know how long. Maybe an hour or two. ... God, I'm so stupid. I don't know why I ever trusted you."
I knocked on the door, cutting her off from her conversation.
"I have to go." She said to the person on the phone. The door opened just after that, Lauren appearing in front of me. "You don't have to knock to come in, Camz." She forced a chuckle, stepping aside so I could walk in. I turned to face her, watching as she shut the door behind us. "Is everything okay? Did you have a nice walk?"
I looked at her for a moment, the recent events replaying in my head: how I was so happy Adam still cared about me, as if it mattered, and how confused and scared I was about this-about us, how I was in love with her, how I didn't know if she'd ever be in love with me, how everyone doubted her and me and us together-she was mine and I was hers and we had always belonged to each other, no matter if we were dating or not, we were Lauren and Camila, a pair, and I don't remember when the first sob escaped my mouth or why it continued, but it did, and I fell into her arms. She froze for a split second before she held me close. Lauren's grip around me quickly tightened, one of her hands moving up to cradle my head as I cried into her chest. She lightly kissed the side of my face, not asking any questions, and I was grateful because God knows I didn't have any answers.
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