One and Only

Part 23

One and Only - Chapter Twenty-Three
Camila's POV
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I was mad. So mad. But worried. And confused.
I hadn't heard from Lauren in a week. Nobody had. So, the fact that this morning made it a total of three times that I orgasmed from just dreaming about her was becoming a little bothersome. I was running out of excuses to tell my concerned fiancé. I'd had my fair share of, "Are you okay?" and "You sounded like you couldn't breathe well," and "Why were you saying Lauren's name?" lately and I was over it. Well, I wanted to be. Secretly, I was freaking out over where the hell she even was when she wasn't torturing me in my dreams. I was driving myself crazy with the ideas my mind were coming up with. I just needed to see her and talk to her and touch her and-
Wait. No. Not touch her.
I sighed, burying my head in my hands. I wasn't so sure I could drag myself to work this morning, but I needed to be there just in case today was the day she decided to show up. I was already dressed, considering the fact that that lovely awakening happened at five in the morning. I called her after it happened, my cheeks burning in embarrassment as if she would know over the phone. But she didn't pick up. She never did anymore.
I heard a huff, followed by, "Am I supposed to ask you what's wrong or something?"
I looked up at Adam, who had his eyes trained on his precious Blackberry. "I'm so worried."
He grimaced at the topic of conversation. "Don't be. She left you and now she won't return your calls. She doesn't deserve your time."
"I know she left me and I know I should be furious with her, but I can't be. Not yet, anyway. Not when I don't know if she's okay or not. It's not just my calls. She won't return anyone's calls. She's not showing up at work." My hand flew up to my forehead in exasperation. "I should go over there."
His angry eyes stared into mine. "No, Camila. I won't allow it."
"She allowed me to see you." I shot back.
The dark-haired boy chuckled, "And look where that got her."
I glared at him, annoyed at his wrongful pride. "You were the last one to speak to her. What'd you say to her?"
A scoff emitted from him, "You think this is my fault? All I said to her was that you were upset with her."
I groaned, anguish taking over me. "It's been days now... Do you think she ran off with that girl?" I knew it sounded ridiculous coming out of my mouth, but I was running out of plausible reasons.
"Stop worrying about her. She's nothing but trouble."
"She's my best friend." I corrected.
He looked at me with something close to sympathy. "I hate to break it to you, Camila, but people don't usually stay friends after something like this happens."
I didn't bother replying. Lauren and I were different. We weren't "usual"; we had something special. I pushed the thought of our diminishing friendship out of my mind as soon as possible, redirecting myself back to thinking of ways to find out where she was.
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"Spill."
Mark turned around to look at me, the hallway empty. I'd waited all day for this moment-to get him alone-and I was going to get some answers. "Excuse me?"
"I know you know what's going on with Lauren."
He smirked at me. "Oh, do you?" His condescending tone made me want to scream.
I wasn't about to play any games. I'd waited long enough. "You better fucking tell me where she's been."
He didn't flinch at my profanity, instead matching my intensity. "I don't know, Camila. You two are the ones that are besties. Shouldn't you know?"
My eyes fell to my feet. "She won't return my calls."
"There must be a reason for that." Mark waited for me to fill him in, as if he didn't already know.
"We're going through some stuff, but we can't get past it if I can't contact her. Just tell me what's going on with her." I spoke quickly, but he just ignored me. I became frustrated with the silence. How could she leave me like this? She knows how I worry. "This is so fucking typical of her-leaving me like this. She's so selfish."
This seemed to grab Mark's attention, his eyes turning to slits. "She's selfish? There's not one time that Lauren hasn't dropped everything for you." The man looked like he was in disbelief, like he couldn't even comprehend how those words could leave my mouth. "Tell me this, Camila: have you ever considered that maybe Lauren doesn't want you to know where she's at? That maybe she doesn't want you to know what's going on with her? That maybe she doesn't want to fix things with you?" I was speechless, the words resonating with me. "I don't know anything about where Lauren is, but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you." Mark brushed past me, returning to his seat, and it felt like all of the air had just been knocked out of me.
He was right. What if she didn't want to fix things? I leaned against the wall, my knees buckling under the weight of that terrifying thought. I needed to see her.
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After work, the girls and I drove to the loft. I made up some lie about going to dinner with them to get Adam off my back. I couldn't worry about him and Lauren at the same time. I didn't have it in me.
All four of us stood outside of the door, the girls waiting on my move. However, I was pretty sure I was paralyzed, unable to move my arm to knock. Normani took my place, knocking on the door. "Lauren? It's Normani." When there wasn't a response, she tried again. "Lauren? Are you home?"
The cold weather was getting to them, the usually cheerful Ally clenching her jaw at me. "Don't you have a key?"
I nodded, my shaky hands moving to open the door. We walked in, everything spotless-cleaner than I've ever seen it-and then we saw the kitchen counter.
"Oh my God," Dinah gaped.
Ally pinched her nose, the smell overpowering. "It smells like my old college dorm room-nothing but booze."
The amount of open bottles of alcohol on the surface was countless, all left unattended.
"I didn't know she drank that much." Normani looked at me.
I was in shock. I didn't know what to think. "She doesn't. The only time she drinks this much if is-"
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
We all turned our heads at the interruption, seeing none other than Mark standing in the doorway of Lauren and I's room.
"I could ask you the same."
He shook his head in annoyance, gulping down his drink. "She's not here, you know."
"As if I would trust you. Get out of my room."
"Your room? This is Lauren's room."
"That's our room."
"Not anymore."
I walked to the room, pushing past him, and searched frantically for her, but everywhere I looked was empty. She wasn't here. I went back to the kitchen where the girls were standing awkwardly, seeing Mark pour a drink as if he didn't have a care in the world. "Where the fuck is she?"
He looked at me straight in my eyes, taking a sip of his drink, and that's when I lost it. It was in the way he thought he was so slick, making himself at home in my own loft. I grabbed the glass out of his hands, chunking it at the wall. "Tell me where she is!" I screamed. Ally gasped at my outburst and they all stepped back, wide eyes trained on me. I barely heard the crash, my attention moving to the picture I accidentally hit. It was taken when we first moved here, Lauren giving me a piggyback ride. I remember that day like it was yesterday, it was one of my favorite memories.
I ran to the broken picture, kneeling down to try to fix it, but that only made it worse. My hands got cut on the glass and my stupid blood got everywhere, prompting Normani to pull me away. She held me close and I could feel tears running down my face. "Just tell me where she is." I whispered. I didn't care how pathetic I sounded. I just needed to know.
Mark looked at me with pity. "Go home, Camila. I'm sure your boyfriend is wondering where you are."
"What is he talking about?" Ally asked me.
I was silent. I hadn't told them about Adam.
Dinah recollected herself, recovering from my unpredicted action, and walked up to him, a look of disgust on her face. "I swear to God if you lay one little finger on Lauren's body, I will destroy you. I don't care if she's sober or not-don't you dare touch her."
"Oh, I'm the problem? I'm the one who fucked Lauren up, is that what you think?" Mark rolled his eyes. "You all need to realize who's really at fault here." He glowered at me. "I'm just here to do damage control-to help fix what you messed up. You can wait outside all fucking night, Camila. She's not here and she hasn't been here for days, so, get out."
"Get out?" Dinah looked at him incredulously. "Last time I checked, this was her loft."
"Last time I checked, she moved out." He shook his head. "This is all pointless. I already told you I don't know where she's at."
"Mark," My voice faltered and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down. "Please. You have to know something."
The older man eventually nodded, "Lauren called me the night you left-said she was leaving. I asked her where she was going and how long she was going to be gone, but she didn't answer me. She just said that there was a spare key under the mat and that I should stay here in case something happens."
"What would happen?" I asked, concern flooding my veins.
"Look, I don't know. I didn't ask too many questions."
Dinah huffed. "You're useless."
"Did... Um, did she say anything about a girl?"
Mark squinted at me, unsure of what I was getting at. "Uh, if you're referring to yourself-"
"No," I interrupted. "Not me."
"All she said was that she was leaving... and that I shouldn't tell you all of this." He let out a frustrated breath.
"Well, is she coming back?" Normani asked.
His shoulders were tense as he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Honestly? I don't know."
We all stood in silence at his admission. What did he mean he didn't know? Was there seriously a chance Lauren wasn't coming back? This was my worst nightmare: life without Lauren.
Who was I going to cuddle with at night? Who was going to make me laugh? Or listen to me ramble on about stupid things? Who was going to sit across from me at work? Who was going to fill the void that I now felt in my chest?
The obvious choice would be Adam. He should do all of those things for me and I should want him to. But I didn't love Adam, I loved Lauren and I wasn't ready to let her go like that. Sure, I needed some time apart from her-she broke my heart-but that didn't mean I wanted her completely gone from my life.
I looked down at my bloody hands that had stained Mani's shirt. Maybe this happened for a reason, maybe we really weren't meant to be together. Maybe I was supposed to marry Adam and be done with it. I had gotten too greedy, I wanted what no one could ever have. She was unattainable and I was foolish to think she would ever call herself mine. My time with her was up. She was going to find someone else and I needed to accept it. I needed to focus on Adam.
But I was having so much trouble with that. I hadn't let the guy touch me at all, our lips meeting just once so far. It just felt wrong to touch someone who wasn't Lauren. It felt wrong to be with someone who wasn't Lauren. I groaned internally. She didn't want me anymore. That was obvious. For Christ's sake, she disappeared just to prove it to me. So, I should be mad. I need to be mad. But I can't. Not when she's M.I.A. I needed to see her to be mad.
If she never returned, I wouldn't ever get over her, and isn't that what she wanted-for me to get over her, so she could get back out there without feeling guilty? I felt Normani stroke my hair as I laid my head on her chest and I wondered if she realized that I was right earlier-about our relationship being hopeless. It ended way too soon and Lauren got over me way too fast. It occurred to me that maybe Lauren wasn't ever really into me. Maybe I was just another one of those "lucky" girls who had been given the chance to be with her.
I used to be the luckiest of all, when every girl who met me was envious of my friendship with her. I used to come before everything else and I missed that. Now I was just going to be another laugh, a punchline for the jokes about girls who thought they could change Lauren Jauregui.
I didn't know how much time passed before I felt a cold wipe on my hands. I opened my eyes, pulling back from Normani to see Ally tending to my wounded hands. Looking around, I noticed Mark was sitting alone at my dining room table, his fingers drilling themselves into his temples. Dinah was watching me carefully and Normani still had her arms wrapped tightly around me.
I hated this feeling in my chest. It wouldn't go away. The thought of another day passing without knowing where she was made me sick to my stomach. I felt like curling up somewhere and never moving again. What was the point?
A phone's ring broke the quiet environment and our heads snapped to Mark, who stood up quickly and left the room. Was that her? Was she calling him? My heart rate skyrocketed.
It felt like forever before he came back, but in reality it'd only been a few minutes. All eyes were on him at his return.
"Well?" Normani said impatiently.
"Well what?"
"Was that her?"
"No." He gulped, another drink finding its way down his throat.
Dinah eyed him, obviously not buying it. "Do you really expect us to believe you?"
"Look, it wasn't her."
She crossed her arms over her chest, "Then you won't mind if we check your phone to make sure."
"What?" His voice boomed through the living room, his nervousness obvious, and he held his phone tight.
"Why are you hiding her from us?" Ally asked.
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are." She shot back, the shortest girl becoming irritated.
"No-" Mark argued, but the girls kept at it, shooting responses to counter his own. He was stuttering, the drinks disappearing by the second. He'd finally had enough when he yelled out, "It was my daughter, okay?"
Silence.
Mark had a daughter?
He answered a question I didn't ask. "And yes, Lauren knows about her. Lauren knows about a lot of things in my life. That's just the kind of person she is. I'd really like that person back, Camila, but she's not here and it's your fault!"
"She broke up with me!" I attempted to defend myself.
Mark scoffed, "You know exactly what you did." His reference to Adam was clear and it only made me sink further into Normani's arms. "What are we going to do if she decides not to come back?"
"I'm glad you're so concerned. What, you think now that she's single you have another shot?"
The older man almost laughed at me, finding my accusation amusing. "You think you know us, Camila. You think you know everything about our friendship, don't you?"
"I wouldn't exactly call it a friendship."
"Fine. I get that. But whatever you think we are-whatever ridiculous thing you've thought up about us in your head-we're probably the exact opposite."
I rolled my eyes, moving out of Normani's embrace. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because it's you," he pointed his index finger at me, "who is always so insanely wrong about Lauren's relationships with other people. Because it's you who got us in this mess. I'm telling you this so that when Lauren comes back, you'll have one less insecurity to blame on her." I gulped, his directness surprising. "We had sex!" He exclaimed. "It happened a couple of times, but it meant absolutely nothing. We were always drunk and we were always thinking about someone else. Do you want to take a guess at who her 'someone else' was?" He paused, but I didn't reply. "No? I'll tell ya. Her 'someone else' was you. We were just warm bodies to each other and I don't get how that's so hard for you to understand. A friendship grew out of it-that's it. Yeah, I joke around about it-I don't know if anyone told you, but I'm kind of an asshole. But for fucks sake, you can stop acting like she was using you or that she's incapable of keeping it in her pants." Mark shook his head, exasperated. "She has feelings for you-Lauren has feelings for you-and she wouldn't ever jeopardize your relationship to get with me. So, the whole vague attitude you have toward me-you know, the one where you act like I'm secretly fucking your girlfriend-is pretty meaningless, don't you think?" I slowly nodded. "Glad we're on the same page. Maybe you can lighten the fuck up on Lauren when or if she comes back." He poured himself a new drink, leaning against the counter. "Until then, I have a loft to watch. So, if you don't mind..." He gestured to the door.
I didn't bother to argue with him after that. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I could argue with him after that. The girls followed me out the door, all of us wincing when it was slammed shut behind us.
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