One and Only

Epilogue

One and Only - Epilogue
Lauren's POV
-
"Are you ready?"
I looked over at Dinah, who had just picked me up from the airport, and smiled, "I've been ready for seven months."
She interlocked my arm with her own and we began walking toward the house I hadn't seen in what felt like forever. The massive home seemed to tower over us, the reminder of what I've had to do to be this successful weighing down on me-but I couldn't get lost in that right now, because right now I was facing my own front door, my hands slightly shaking.
Dinah met our eyes, her forehead creased in faint confusion, "Aren't you going to open it?"
"Just give me a second," I replied a bit too quickly.
The taller girl seemed to understand my hesitation, her voice lowering to comfort me. "It's going to be fine. She's in there, waiting for you."
The reassurance gave me a small confidence boost and before I even thought about what I was doing, I opened the door, walking into the large entry space.
I felt better at the sight of Normani and Ally, the two girls immediately enveloping me into a hug, and I smiled at their children over their shoulders. Normani's twin girls, who were 16, Ally's two sons, who were now 25 and 23, and Dinah's three kids (two boys, 18 and 10, and one girl, 7) all waved at me, and I waved back.
When I pulled away, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around at the touch, my heart skipped a beat when my own daughter, Ava, was staring back at me.
"Welcome home, Mom," the eleven-year-old spoke.
I scooped the young girl up in my arms and held her tight, holding back tears of joy at her presence. When I pulled back, I kissed her cheek, grinning when our eyes met. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too. I want to hear everything about your trip. Did you get me anything?" she asked, her eyes gleaming.
I chuckled at her enthusiasm, nodding, "Of course I did." My eyes wandered around the room before settling back on Ava. "Where's Mama?"
She shrugged, looking to the girls for an answer. I made eye contact with them, confused, and Normani opened her mouth to reply at the same time I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Our attention was brought to Camila, who was walking down the stairs with all eyes on her.
I smiled when my wife looked at me and walked toward her when she got off the last step. Her arms were crossed so I put an arm around her waist, holding my other hand out for Ava to take. When she did, I looked at them both, beaming. I was so happy to be back with my family-with my wife of eighteen years and with our daughter that we spent so long trying to have.
-
I walked out into our living room and tried not to drop the tablet I was holding, my heart beating rapidly because of how excited I was. Camila was sitting on the couch, lost in some book, and she looked up at me when I took the seat next to her.
We had just celebrated her 28th birthday and I had a little belated gift for her as I placed the tablet in her lap, which showed a picture of a townhouse.
"What's this?" She asked, taking a closer look.
"What do you think of it?"
"It's beautiful. Are one of the girls moving there?"
I shook my head, "I was thinking maybe we could move there. Maybe here," I spoke, swiping to reveal a new townhouse.
"Us?" Her eyes widened. "Those are huge-not to mention expensive. I love it, I do, but don't you think it's a little much for just two people?"
I shrugged, "Well, I was thinking that, you know, when we have a baby, they won't fit here in the loft, so-"
She stopped me, gaping, "What did you say?" I repeated myself, not able to keep the grin off my face. "A child? Like, a human, you mean?" I nodded. "You mean it?" She asked, her eyes tearing up. "You want a baby?"
"I want everything with you."
"Oh, my God," she kissed me, maneuvering into my lap. "Are you sure? What made you change your mind?"
I wiped a tear from her cheek and rested my hands on her legs. "You," I said simply. "I want to build a life with you-and having a family with you is something I wouldn't dream of missing out on." She listened intently, overwhelmed with joy. "When I was growing up, I never wanted a perfect mom, never expected one. All I wanted was for someone to be there. I know I won't be the best mom in the world, but with you, I think I can accomplish anything. Don't you agree?"
She sniffled as she nodded to me, kissing me once more. "I love those houses. I love you."
I chuckled, feeling hopeful for the near future. "I love you, too."
-
After working everything out with a cryobank, getting pregnant had proved to be difficult for Camila. We spent three years trying everything to help with her unexpected fertility problems before she finally got the good news.
The pregnancy was tough on her and when the time came to give birth, she had to have an emergency c-section. Getting rushed out of a room while my wife had to undergo surgery was the scariest thing I'd ever been through.
But we got through it, like we always did. And here we were.
"Everyone is going to be so excited to see you," my daughter said.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Everyone?"
Ava suddenly covered her mouth with her hand and I watched as Ally walked over, shaking her finger at her. "I'm sorry, Aunt Ally, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay, sweetie," she laughed, turning toward me, "We're throwing you a surprise party. Well, it's not a surprise anymore... but just look surprised when you get there."
I smirked, "Got it."
"Good," Ally said. "We're going to head that way. See you in a bit."
The girls and their children started walking to the door to leave and Ava looked up at me. "Bye, Mom. Love you!" She ran to meet up with them faster than I could say anything back.
"Oh," I chuckled as I watched her leave. "Okay." The house was empty now except for Camila and I, and I turned to her. "Well, she was certainly eager to go. She kind of takes after Sofi, don't you think?" She nodded, not saying anything in response. Frowning at her silence, I moved my hand to rest on her cheek. "Everything okay?" Her hand moved to cover mine, holding it in place, and she looked at me like she hadn't ever before. It was a mixture of relief and worry at the same time, the two emotions swirling together in her brown eyes. "Camila?"
The petite girl brought my hand to her mouth, giving it a small kiss before she moved to embrace me. I hugged her back as she breathed in my scent, gripping me impossibly close, and soon, I was doing the same.
I didn't pull away or ask questions-it had been a long time since I'd last seen her and held her and I could feel all of my anxiety and nervousness dissolve just by being back in her arms.
We stayed like that for a while before Camila pulled away, planting a chaste kiss on my mouth before she stepped back. "We should get ready," she murmured.
-
After showering and getting ready together, we made our way to Ally's home for my surprise party. My wife hadn't said much to me, but I didn't mention it, hoping she just had to take a moment to adjust to me being back home.
When we arrived, she grasped my hand, and we walked up to Ally's front door to knock. The small friend of ours welcomed us in and then there were a chorus of people shouting, "Surprise!" at us. I almost didn't have to act stunned when I caught sight of so many people.
The entire office I used to work at with Camila was there, ranging from close friends like Mark to people I'd seen maybe a few times across the office. I knew Ally liked to host, but I had no idea she was up for this amount of people. Camila's sister, Sofia, had even flown in from Miami with her husband and daughter.
I spoke with Dinah's second husband, who seemed to be the same nice guy I met twelve years ago, and with Normani's husband, who I was the most fond of. Normani had had a late miscarriage just after Camila and I married and she had fertility troubles for years after it, until she got pregnant with the twins. They used to come over all the time to our loft during those years since Camila and I were the only friends they had without children and we all became very close as a result. The two men were happy to catch up with the both of us and I was thrilled to be getting back into my regular routine, not realizing just how much I had missed hanging out with the friends I had developed over the years.
Camila and I got around to a few more people at the event before we stopped by Mark. He gave me a hug and handed me a glass of wine, grinning at me. "How was it?" he asked.
"Long."
Mark chuckled at my answer, taking a swig from his own drink. "Mr. Clarke still never shuts up about you, you know? You're like his success story. Especially now with the new software they're launching." I tensed up at the topic. "How long is that going to take?"
Camila immediately stepped closer, staring at me, "How long is what going to take?"
I glared at Mark for bringing it up and he gave me an apologetic look before awkwardly walking off.
Camila seemed to notice the interaction between us because her voice sharpened, "What was he talking about?"
I looked at her, silently pleading for her to drop it. "Can we talk about this later?"
She seemed enraged that there was anything to even discuss, her hands tightening on the drink she was holding. "Talk about what?"
I was saved from answering the question when we were approached by my old boss, Richard. Camila reluctantly stayed quiet, not wanting to make a scene, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ah, Lauren," he grinned. "Congratulations on finishing up your business in Singapore." I thanked him, and he turned to Camila. "Good to see you, Mrs. Cabello. It's not often we get to meet up. I'm sure you're glad Lauren is home now." Camila politely nodded. "Me too," Richard chuckled. "Lauren, I'd love to get a coffee sometime soon and talk about what your plans are for Sydney. I'm sure they're trying to finish everything up so you can go as soon as possible, huh? To make more money for the company, not to mention yourself?" He smiled.
Camila gaped at the news and turned to me.
"I was going to tell you-" I began, but she interrupted.
"They want you in Sydney?" She almost yelled.
I looked around to make sure nobody but Richard could hear us. "Camila-"
My wife looked to Richard, her jaw set. "Could you excuse us for a moment?"
The older man slightly gulped, looking more than uncomfortable. "Of course," he said, leaving quickly.
Camila grabbed my wrist and led us into the bathroom, closing the door behind us. "What the hell is he talking about?"
I sighed. "They want me in Sydney."
"Australia?" She whispered, visibly affected by the information.
I frowned at the expression of disbelief on her face, not wanting to be the cause of the pain she was so obviously feeling. "I was waiting for the right time to tell you..."
"How long?"
"Just a month or two."
The younger girl shook her head, upset. "That's what you said before you ended up leaving for seven months."
"Look," I huffed. "We can talk about it later-"
"I am not waiting until later, Lauren!" She screamed.
I tried to speak calmly, hoping I wouldn't escalate the situation. "People will come looking for us."
Camila stared at me for a bit before she rolled her eyes, sending me a look of outrage before she opened the door and returned to the party.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to rid my mind of what just happened. When that failed, I put on a smile, and walked back out into the party.
It wasn't long before I ran into Mark, who was still wearing a contrite look on his face.
"Is everything okay?"
I shrugged, "Things could be better."
"Sorry," he said. "I thought she knew."
"It's okay... I should have told her."
Both Mark and I spotted her across the room, smiling and talking to a guest.
Mark raised his eyebrows at the scene, "I'm a little surprised she's still acting civil here, knowing that you have to leave her again."
"Just for a month or two," I added.
The man glanced at me, "That sounds familiar..."
I wanted to argue with him, but I knew he was right. There was no guarantee that I wouldn't be in Sydney for more than a couple of months. It was highly likely that I'd have to stay way longer than that.
"So," Mark spoke, interrupting my thought process, "what was her name?"
"What?"
"The girl you had back in Singapore."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb, Jauregui. We both know you can't go seven months without some form of sexual contact," he explained.
I stepped back, "Excuse me?"
He ignored my reaction, continuing, "Who did you indulge with? Was she foreign? Ooooh, or maybe someone you worked with?"
"I didn't 'indulge' with anyone."
"Come on," he replied. "You know I won't tell Camila."
I looked him in the eyes, offended at what he was insinuating, "There's nothing to tell."
Mark opened his mouth to reply just at the same time Adrianna joined us, her eyes bright. "Did she tell you?"
"She says she didn't have one," Mark responded to her.
The girl kind of laughed, nudging me on the shoulder, "Lauren, come on. We've been waiting to see a picture. It's not like we're going to tell Camila."
"I would never have an affair," I said sternly.
Adrianna scoffed, "Don't be so dramatic."
"Dramatic?" I repeated back to her, appalled that this was even a topic of conversation.
"It's just one girl who you used to keep you satisfied while Camila couldn't," she shrugged.
"I didn't use anyone. I love my wife and the thought of being with someone else didn't even cross my mind."
Mark rolled his eyes, "What a missed opportunity, Lo."
"If you'll excuse me," I said, shaking my head as I walked off. It was as if eighteen years of marriage wasn't proof enough to people that I was committed to her. I wasn't the same girl I was in my twenties and it was so frustrating that there were still people who didn't understand that.
I went into the kitchen to grab another drink when I ran into my daughter, Ava, who was eating some of the cookies that Ally baked.
"Hey," she said, her mouth a bit full, "where's Mama?"
"I don't know," I looked away briefly before staring back at her. "She's somewhere."
"Oh, God." Ava huffed, swallowing the last of her cookie. "Are you guys fighting?"
"What?" I pretended to be surprised at her question. "No."
She gave me a knowing look, "Yes you are." A sigh left her lips, "You just got back. Can't you guys make up already?"
"Honey, don't worry about it. We aren't fighting. We just have a few things to...," I paused, "discuss."
My daughter seemed to hesitate for a moment before she asked me, "Did she find out about Sydney?"
My eyes widened, shocked at her knowledge. "Who told you?"
"I've known for a while now. I heard you and Aunt Mani talking about it on the phone last month."
"Why didn't you tell Mama?"
"I didn't want to make her upset," she replied, as if it was obvious.
I frowned a little at her reasoning. "You and me both."
The young girl suddenly hugged me, whispering out a "thank you."
"For what?" I asked, hugging her back.
"For working hard for Mama and I. I know you hate leaving us." I hugged her tighter at that, but it didn't last long before her phone rang, Ava pushing away to answer it. "Sarah?" She paused, waiting for the girl to reply, "Oh my God, no way. Tell me everything,"
I watched my daughter walk away, chuckling at the way she was now enraptured in the new drama that had come her way. She reminded me so much of Sofia and I wondered if that was because she spent quite some time down in Miami during the summer. Either way, I was glad it was Sofia that Ava was so similar to, and not me.
-
When the party was over, I stayed to help clean up. Camila had already left with Ava and I was hoping she'd be asleep by the time I got home.
"Thanks for helping to clean up your own surprise party," Ally giggled. "You didn't have to do that."
"Oh, don't mention it." I replied, stuffing trash into a garbage bag. "Honestly, I'll stay as long as you need me to just so I don't have to go home and face Camila."
The short girl frowned, "She found out, huh?"
I nodded. "I was going to tell her tonight-after the party, you know, so we could properly discuss it... but Richard definitely beat me to it," I sighed. "I don't know what to do or how to fix it."
Ally walked over to me and rubbed my arm sympathetically. "You can't fix everything in one night. Sometimes you just have to work through it until it gets easier."
"I know. I just hope she isn't tired of waiting."
She gave me a sad smile, as if she could see everything I was holding back, and took the trash bag out of my hand. "I've got this. You go home now, okay? Talk with her."
"No, no," I shook my head. "I'll help. This mess was all for me. Plus, I missed talking to you."
Ally grinned and handed back the bag. "I missed talking to you, too, Lauren."
I spent around two more hours over there before Ally offered me a ride home. After saying goodbye and thanking her for the party, I walked inside of my house.
Looking around the huge place, I took a deep breath. I'd been gone so long that I wasn't so sure it felt like home anymore, and that was a scary feeling.
I could hear noise from upstairs and I shook my head when I realized it was Ava, who was still on her phone. I walked up the steps and opened her door, poking my head in. "Ava?" She looked up at me and smiled apologetically, saying goodbye to her friend before hanging up. "Why don't you go to sleep now?"
"Why, so I can't hear you and Mama fight?"
I stepped further into the room, closing the door behind me. "We aren't going to fight."
"Yeah, okay," she said sarcastically.
Moving to hover above her, I kissed her cheek. "Goodnight. I love you... and I love Mama, too, more than anything."
"How mad do you think Mama is at you?" She murmured.
I took a seat on her bed, pulling her blankets up to cover her more. "I don't know yet, but that's not something for you to worry about."
"She was really quiet on the way home. Do you think she's mad at me for not telling her?"
"No way," I told her. "She loves you."
"Just because someone loves you doesn't mean they can't be mad at you-Mama's mad at you."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"But you did?"
I smiled at her, "You're so full of questions tonight."
Ava giggled at that, "I like to gossip."
"Just like your Aunt Sofi," I chuckled, beginning to tickle her. Her laughs filled the air and I realized just how much I missed this-being at home. I pulled my hands back, resting them on my knees. "Well, I'm going to sleep. How about you?"
"I guess so."
"Okay," I said. "Goodnight, Ava. I love you and I'll see you in the morning." She gave me a quick hug before I stood up to leave. The door was almost shut when I heard her.
"Mom?"
I opened it back up, looking at her. "Yeah, honey?"
"I'm glad you're home."
I felt my heart melt at that comment. "Me too," I replied. She smiled at me before turning over and shutting her eyes and I closed the door, feeling a bit better after talking with her.
I started walking down the stairs to my room, bracing myself before I opened the door. Camila was shrugging on a t-shirt when I walked in and I set my purse down on our dresser.
"You're home late," she said, a bite to her tone.
I turned around to face her, noticing the way she crossed her arms. "Yep."
"Care to tell me why?"
"I was helping Ally clean up."
"Oh," she said.
There was a silence before I rolled my eyes, "Just do it already."
Camila's forehead creased in confusion. "Do what?"
"Yell, scream, whatever. Isn't that what you're planning on?"
"I don't know." Her eyes didn't leave mine as she stared at me from across the room. "I honestly don't know how to react anymore. I mean, I'm about to lose my wife again for several months. How do you think I should handle it?" I didn't reply, not sure of what to say, so she continued, "You know, I think the worst part of this is that you've known about Sydney for two months. You've called me, video chatted with me, texted me, and whatever other form of communication we've used to pretend like this is working between us... for two entire months. And you didn't mention anything about it."
"I was waiting for the right time-"
"The right time?" She raised her voice, getting increasingly irritated with our conversation, "Lauren, I just found out from my old boss that you're going out of the country again. Do you understand how embarrassing that is? You're my wife and he knows more about what's going on in your life than I do!"
"Look, I'm sorry, I-"
"No, you're not." She shook her head. "You would have done the same thing if you had a chance to do the past two months over again."
"Camila, I wanted to make sure I told you in the right way. I mean, let's face it-it's no secret that you've been distancing yourself from me. I didn't want this to break us completely."
She glared at me, "I've been distancing myself? Me? Lauren, you went across the ocean!"
I was trying to remain calm, but it was difficult when Camila kept yelling at me. "You know what I meant. I was the one who had to call everyday, just to talk to you for, what, five minutes, before you decided there were better things to do."
"Oh! Just like you decided there were better things to do in Singapore?"
I grimaced. "You're acting like I went on the trip to purposefully get away from you. Is that really what you think?"
"You just got home and now you want to leave again. Admit it, Lauren, you can't wait to get to Sydney."
"I went on that fucking trip for you and Ava!" I screamed at her. She looked enraged at the rise in my voice. "Don't you understand that? I didn't do this for me! I did it for us.For our family, like I always do! I've tried sohard to give you everything you've ever wanted from me and now you're angry at me for it?"
"It's not enough!" She shouted, and I was taken aback by the response. "What you've done for me-the house, all of our possessions-it isn't enough when you aren't here! None of it means anything to me if I can't share it with you."
"I don't know what you want me to say," I admitted. "You shouldn't have waited this long to tell me how you felt."
"Well, you shouldn't have left!" She screamed. "Was seven months really not enough for you to be away from me? You have to go back for more?"
"Do you think I like being away from you for so long? Every second I had off of work I spent on the phone with you and Ava! If you honestly believe I go on these trips to get away from you, we've got a bigger problem!"
Her hands went palm up in uncertainty. "I don't know what to believe! You leave every chance you get. I mean, do you even want this anymore-want us?"
I looked at her in disbelief, holding my left hand up to show her my wedding ring. "What do I have to do to prove it to you? Is our marriage not enough?" Camila looked away at that and I felt anger bubbling up inside of me. "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I've built my entire life around making sure of it. So what do you want me to do now?" I screamed. "You know I'd do anything for you... but if you want more than this, more than me, then I'm sorry it hasn't been enough. I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you!"
We turned to the door at the sound of a knock. "Mom?" I cursed myself internally for letting our fight get so loud that she could hear and saw Camila doing the same. She entered the room timidly and walked near me. "Is everything okay?"
I didn't want to answer that, so I avoided it. "You said you were going to bed."
"You said you weren't going to fight with Mama."
"We aren't fighting. We're just... having a talk." I said, trying not to upset her.
It was quiet for a second before she spoke. "... Are you and Mama going to get a divorce?"
"What? No-" I said at the same time Camila said, "Of course not!"
My wife and I exchanged a look before I walked over to Ava and took her hand, leading her to sit on the love seat we had in our room. Camila joined us, seemingly preoccupied.
I brushed Ava's hair out of her face and that seemed to relax her a bit. I tried to think of the right things to say to make her feel better, but I didn't know if I had all the answers. All I knew was that I wanted to make things better, and I couldn't do that by fighting with Camila and by dismissing my daughter's trepidation. "You don't have to worry about that, okay? I love your Mama," I peered up at Camila, "and I know she loves me, too."
"But what if the love runs out?" She asked. "All of my friends' parents are getting divorced, and that's what they tell them-that they don't love each other anymore. What if that happens to you?"
I could see she was really upset about it and tried to think of something to help her understand, but Camila spoke instead. "I've loved your mom for a really long time... for about 26 years now. We've had our fair share of fights and we were even broken up for a while when we first started dating, but the love didn't run out then. And it won't run out now. I would never give up on our family like that. I know that it's scary when we fight and I know it's scary to think that we could end up like your friends' parents, but I'm useless without your mom and she's useless without me and there's no way we would spend our life without one another."
Ava looked to me for approval and I nodded. "Okay," she said.
"Now give me a kiss goodnight. You have school tomorrow," Camila reminded her.
The young girl kissed her on the cheek and stepped back. "Mom, will you tuck me in?"
I got up at her request and walked back upstairs to her room, sitting down next to her as she crawled into bed.
"Sorry I interrupted," she said.
I frowned, speaking softly, "No, I'm glad you did. That wasn't going anywhere good."
"That's what I figured."
I leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Goodnight."
"Night," she whispered back.
Once again, I stood, making my way back downstairs. I was a bit uneasy after hearing my daughter ask about divorce, the unwelcome word now embedded in my thoughts. I wondered if Camila had ever considered it. With such a demanding job, I had spent a lot of time away from home-away from her. I knew my career situation wasn't exactly ideal, but I'd never even thought about it becoming such a huge issue, especially to the point of separation.
But Camila loved me-I knew that. So I tried to shake the worry as I opened the door to our room, but when I saw her sitting at the edge of our bed, waiting for me, I couldn't help but think the worst.
She fiddled with her hands for a while before she spoke, "I don't want a divorce."
I closed my eyes momentarily after hearing that, feeling a weight lift off of me. "Me neither," I told her.
Camila's eyes started to water again and she looked down at her hands, giving a slight shake of her head. "I missed you."
Her broken voice just about killed me. "I know-"
"I've never been away from you for that long," she interrupted. "It was supposed to be a month-you were supposed to be on that trip for one month-but that month turned into two and then three and then four-"
I tried to interject, "Camila-"
"I didn't know missing someone that much was possible."
I sighed, walking closer to her. "I missed you, too," I said, crouching in front of her so I could meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I hurt you." My hand moved up to thumb a tear away and she held it there.
"I missed you," she repeated in a whisper. Her brown eyes looked into mine and I could see something change in them. She didn't look unsure or confused anymore and I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.
Her hand reached around my neck and she dipped her head down a bit, connecting our lips.
"Camila..." I breathed, pulling away reluctantly. I knew we weren't done talking about all of this and that it shouldn't go unresolved-the anger and the newly resurfaced insecurities needed to be addressed-but as I looked at her, I couldn't think of anywhere else I would rather be than in my wife's arms. Camila looked nervous at my hesitation when I placed both of my hands on the sides of her face. "I'm sorry for everything... I love you."
"I know," she murmured. "I'm sorry, too."
My eyes fluttered down to her lips before I kissed them, setting a slow place between us. The younger girl wrapped her arms around me and pulled me on top of her as she laid down, her hands tangling in my hair.
I hadn't been this intimate with her in a long time but we had no trouble finding a balance between fiery and passionate. Slipping my hand under her back, I moved both of us further up the bed so that her head was resting on her pillow before I ran my tongue across her bottom lip. Her mouth parted slightly and I took the chance to deepen the kiss, our tongues mingling together gently.
I felt her hands start to wander so I grabbed them and held them above her head with one hand, using the other to start moving her shirt up. Feeling her breathing change at my touch, I took the article of clothing off, our lips parting momentarily before the shirt was thrown to the side. I moved to sit up, staring down at my wife as I straddled her, and my hands started to run up and down her exposed stomach. I could tell she was on edge, every touch sending chills down her spine but shooting heat to her core.
I couldn't believe I was here, at home, with her again. She seemed to have the same thought because her eyes were lit up with admiration as we shared a look. My fingers danced down her stomach and I reached a few stretch marks that formed when she was pregnant with Ava. I knew she always hated them, thinking that they made her less attractive, but they reminded me of the family we built together and nothing about that was ugly. I glanced up from the skin to meet Camila's eyes again but she was looking to the side in either shame or embarrassment, I wasn't sure. Leaning forward, I coaxed her back into looking at me, running the pad of my thumb on her cheek as green eyes met brown. "You are so beautiful," I whispered.
Her lips curved up a bit at that before she leaned forward to reconnect our mouths. I could feel her hands traveling behind me to unzip my dress and I moved my arms to maneuver out of it, kicking my heels off after I was free of the garment. My lips immediately found Camila's neck after she tossed the dress to the side and I unhooked her bra in the process. Growing impatient, she moved out of it rather quickly.
I bit down on her neck as I brushed against her bare chest with my own covered one and she released a whimper, her fingers fumbling behind me once more to unhook my bra. When she got it out of the way, she sat up, bringing me with her, my legs wrapped around her waist.
Camila began to palm my breasts with her delicate hands, her mouth kissing along my collarbone before it reached my chest. I entangled my hand in her hair, arching forward at the sensation of Camila's tongue leaving its mark. Evert fiber of my being felt like it was on fire.
She pulled away and we made heated eye contact, the both of us panting as I took in the view I'd missed for months. I felt her start to roll my breast bud in between two of her fingers and I quietly moaned, attaching our lips immediately and delving into her mouth, my tongue exploring what it had missed so much.
Camila wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer, tilting her head to try to deepen the kiss. We were holding onto one another so tightly that I was sure it would leave faint bruising. It was as if we couldn't get enough of each other, the pain of the time we spent apart subsiding slightly with every touch.
My lips moved down her jaw as I started to push her to lay back down and I nipped at her skin with my teeth, adjusting my knees to rest by her hips. A few marks were left as my mouth claimed her neck and I made a path to her collarbone and then her chest, making sure that no sliver of skin went untouched by my lips. As I travelled down further, leaving love bites in my way, I got to her shorts. I pulled them down along with her underwear and tossed them aside, peering up at Camila and placing a light kiss on her center. My hands ghosted over her smooth thighs, easing them apart, and I felt the soft skin beneath my fingertips. I kissed up one of her thighs, skipping her center before I moved to give the other thigh the same attention. Her hands grasped mine at the small tease and I held them, finally lowering my mouth to her.
I lost track of time between her legs, not wanting to hear the end of her heavy breathing and quiet moans. It was long and I didn't know how many times she'd gone over the edge before she started to pull on my hands, the gesture making me crawl back up to her. She was still pretty breathless when she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and connected our lips, lazily at first before they became more deliberate, her hand slipping underneath me sometime during all of the haze.
She brought me to dizzying heights and, by the end of it, the only energy we had left was to cuddle into each other, our legs intertwined and our hands tracing patterns on one another until we were too tired to keep our eyes open any longer.
-
I slept for a couple of hours before I woke up around five in the morning and wiped the sleep from my eyes. I'd been tossing and turning all night, unable to shake the overwhelming thought that I wouldn't be waking up next to Camila in a month or two. I'd be waking up alone, across the world, away from my family.
Sydney was supposed to be huge-that's what my company was predicting, anyway. And I wouldn't lie: I would've loved to go. I loved my job and I loved traveling and being able to meet other professionals in the same field as me.
But I loved my family more.
I loved sharing a bed with my wife and being able to say goodnight to my daughter and I just wasn't sure if I could leave it all behind again.
I huffed, getting up from the bed and wrapping myself in a robe Sinu gifted me last Christmas. I grabbed my cell phone and went downstairs, sliding the back door open to go outside. It was nicer now that we didn't live in the city-the air was fresher and it was more quiet, giving me time to actually think about what to do.
It was weird to consider actually staying home for more than two months. I hadn't done that since Ava was around five or six. It was always constant traveling. That was just a part of my job description.
But now I was wondering what it would be like to turn down the trip. Each time I came home, I spent the entire time preparing for the next trip. Would my family adjust okay to having me around for longer than usual?
I thought of my friends and how happy I was to see them and to meet with their families again, having watched their kids grow up. I'd missed them and it was nice to be around people who I loved and who I knew loved me.
I thought of Camila, the way she was so angry at me for being gone for so long; the way she'd been acting while I was in Singapore, short and cold. She had been so patient throughout our whole marriage with my traveling, but the steady increase of the duration of the trips was really getting to her, and I couldn't blame her. I missed her most of all. She was my best friend and it felt impossible at times to be away from her.
I thought of Ava and how smart and observant she was for an eleven year old. Being a mom was the most rewarding thing to experience. I never realized I could love someone as much as I loved my daughter. From the moment Camila got pregnant with her up until now, the only thing that was important to me was making sure she had the best life I could give her. Could I really give her that when I was across the world most of the time?
I stared down at my phone, toying with it. I knew that it was after 9 PM in Sydney, where my boss was right now. I knew that calling him at this time was unprofessional and inappropriate and I knew that this wasn't a decision I could just take back tomorrow.
But I'd already made up my mind. It was time to sort out my priorities. So I called him.
It rang for a while and I found myself hoping it would go to voicemail, but it didn't. He answered with a confused tone. "Lauren?"
I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for the conversation I was about to have, "Hey, Victor."
"It's, uh... kind of late."
"I know. I'm really sorry for that, I just have to let you know that..." I hesitated, trying to rid myself of the nerves, "I have to let you know that I have to decline the trip to Sydney."
"What?" He responded, "Why?"
"I've been with you, traveling with the company for a really long time-for years, you know-and I think it's time for me to actually settle down with my family, which I haven't been able to do in a long time with the job I have." Victor didn't reply and I found myself talking more to fill the awkward silence. "You've given me so many opportunities and a great career and you're someone I really admire and think highly of. It's just that I'm at a point in my life where I'd like to be spending more time with my wife and with my daughter and I'm not able to do that while traveling."
Victor sighed and I could sense he was upset. "I mean, I understand that, but who is going to replace you? Your position can't just be filled at the snap of my fingers. What am I supposed to do with that?"
"I've thought about that and I have an excellent recommendation. He was my mentor and my boss before you and he knows the in and outs of the business," I said, referring to Richard. "I really think that he has the potential to be the perfect candidate."
My current boss processed the information and another wave of silence overcame our phone call. After a minute or two, he spoke again. "Okay," he said. "Are you planning to stay within the company? I can get you a job at our office in New York."
I had to hold back a sigh of relief, the offer more than I expected. "Absolutely. I'd really appreciate that, Victor. I apologize for throwing you in a loop here. I hope I wasn't too much of an inconvenience here."
"You were," he replied. "But I understand. Listen, we'll keep in touch, okay? Send me your recommendation and I'll get back to you with the project you'll be working on from New York."
"Sounds good."
"All right. Goodnight," he hung up.
I exhaled, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. That was it. No going back now. I officially ended my international career.
And I couldn't have been happier about it.
"Hey," I heard Camila say from behind me. "Can't sleep?"
I turned around to face her, her facial expression changing to confusion when she saw I was holding my phone.
She walked further outside, wrapping her robe tighter around her to stay warm, "Who were you talking to?"
"Victor," I answered simply.
She nodded, glancing down before meeting my eyes. "So, how long will you be gone this time?" I took a moment to respond, trying to formulate a sentence in my head. "Come on, Lauren," she prodded, looking nervous at the lack of a reply. "Just tell me."
"I, um... I told him that I'd be taking a break from all the traveling."
Camila's eyebrows furrowed, as if she didn't understand a word I said. "What?"
"I told him I'm not going."
"Really?" She said, surprised. "Are you... are you sure?" I nodded, studying her. "But... you love your job."
"I still get to keep it," I told her. "It's just without the traveling... and plus, I love my family more."
"Are you really sure?" She asked, and I could see tears brimming at her eyes. "You really aren't going back?"
"I'm really sure," I whispered to her.
"So you're staying?"
"Yes," I paused. "I mean... if that's okay with you?" I smiled.
Camila grinned at my joke and pulled me in for a hug, holding me close. We stayed like that for a bit before she leaned back. "You aren't doing this just for me, right?" I gave her a questioning look. "I mean, I know I made it clear that I didn't want you to go to Sydney but... if traveling was what you really wanted to do, I don't want you to grow to resent me because you feel like I'm holding you back."
"Camila, no. I just..." I shrugged, "It's been hard lately... between us, and... I knew that and I just didn't want to admit it but," I paused, looking at her, "I'm here now. And yes, you're a part of why I'm staying, but there are other parts, too: I miss seeing Ava everyday and I miss seeing our friends. I miss being here."
My wife nodded, resting her head on my chest. "I'm sorry," she murmured.
"You shouldn't be."
"I just... I want you to know that I'm grateful for everything you've done for me. A marriage, a house, a daughter, a life together... I know you worked really hard and sacrificed a lot to be able to give that to me," I pulled back and Camila looked up at me, continuing, "and I know you continued to work hard for our family... so I'm sorry that I haven't been recognizing everything you do for me. I know it's a lot."
I brushed a strand of hair out her face, giving a slight shrug. "I just want to make you happy."
"You do."
"Not lately."
Camila frowned at that, seemingly conflicted on how to address my reply.
"It's okay," I spoke, "to say you were unhappy with me. You don't have to tiptoe around my feelings or anything."
"I wasn't unhappy with you," she said. "Not when you were gone. I was-well, I was scared." I tilted my head, not understanding what she meant. "You've always been here to take care of me and Ava-always. It didn't matter if you went on trips because I always knew when you'd be back. I could prepare myself for that... but not for this. This was different. I didn't know how long you'd be gone-I couldn't prepare myself for that. I definitely didn't anticipate you being gone for seven months-God, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to take care of Ava the way you do." Camila looked down, a bit nervous to be sharing this with me. "I need you around, okay?" Her eyes met mine once again. "I've always needed you around. I wasn't unhappy-I was lost."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier?"
"I didn't see a point in worrying you while you were thousands of miles away. How could you do anything from Singapore?"
I scoffed lightly, "I would've figured something out."
"What, like quitting your job?" She asked, as if it was a joke.
I grimaced, "Well, I kind of just did, didn't I?"
Camila stepped back a bit, narrowing her eyes at me. "I didn't want you to quit traveling for me. I wanted you to spend more time here because you wanted to-not me."
I could tell I hit a nerve, so I tried to backtrack. "I know-"
"You can't fix us from there. You know that, right?"
"Of course-"
She interrupted again, upset, "Because I don't want you to think that I'm being unreasonable or too clingy or-"
"Camila," I said. She stopped talking. "Look, I know that I can't fix the problem while traveling. I know that it's important to you that I'm actually here with you and with Ava, because it's important to me, too. I think that all of the feelings and emotions you have toward this situation are one hundred percent valid and you're allowed to feel angry or sad or disappointed with the situation and with me." I paused, "But what I'm upset with is the fact that you didn't tell me you felt incapable of taking care of Ava. I would've done everything in my power to make sure that wasn't a fear of yours."
She looked down at her hands, fiddling with them. "You can't change what's true. I mean, I'm just not a great mother-not like you."
I was surprised to hear her say that. "What? That's not true, Camila."
"Lauren," she chuckled sadly, "come on. Ava and I don't have the same relationship that you and her have... and there has to be a reason for that."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed, "Where is this even coming from?"
"I've just been... observing, I guess. I don't know, with you gone and with work and with trying to keep everything together, I just feel like I haven't been the best mom. And you're just better at it-at handling everything. I think Ava notices that, too."
I frowned at that. "Come here." Camila stepped closer and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her lightly on the lips. "You're the best mom there is," I said, "and I know Ava feels the same way."
She gave a small smile at my reassurance. "I missed you," she murmured.
-
When we couldn't stand the cold any longer, we went inside, noticing that 6:00 AM was approaching soon. I decided to make breakfast, knowing that they probably hadn't had the early meal since I'd been gone. Camila never was quite the best cook. I knew that they almost always ate dinner with Ally and her husband since their own children moved out a few years ago-Ava loved to tell me what 'Aunt Ally' was serving each night in great detail, as she admired the older woman to a great extent.
Camila made a pot of coffee as I maneuvered my way around her, finding everything I needed to start cooking. Once she sat down across the island in front of me, she looked content as she took her first sip of the warm drink. I smiled at the sight before I turned around to attend to the food on the stove, hoping nothing would get on the robe I was wearing.
When I turned around once again to face her, I found her eyes on me already.
"You're staring," I said.
Camila smirked, bringing her coffee up to her lips to take another small sip. "You're hard not to stare at." When I gave her an amused look, she went on, "I forgot how good you looked in the morning."
"Don't be silly-" I began.
"I'm not," she interjected. "I'm just... enjoying the view."
I blushed, not saying anything else before I turned around to finish cooking.
About fifteen more minutes passed before I made Camila a plate of food and passed it to her, grinning when she took the first bite.
"Mmm," she hummed. "I missed this."
I leaned forward and pecked her on the lips in response, tasting her coffee as our mouths met. "Me too."
Camila smiled at that before it slowly faded, the brunette seeming to be in thought over something serious. I was about to ask her if everything was okay before she spoke. "So, you're really ready for all of this again?" she asked, looking down at her food instead of at me.
"Ready for what?"
"You know, being at home," she said, forcing her eyes to meet mine again. "For good this time."
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, the question catching me off guard. "Of course I'm ready for it. Contrary to popular belief, I have lived with you prior to my international career."
"Well, I know that, but the last time you've really stayed at home was before Ava was even in the second grade. What if," she shrugged, "I don't know, what if you don't like being here as much as you like being in different countries?"
"I couldn't ever like another place more than being at home with you," I said. "I'm not going to leave you again. Okay?"
Camila opened her mouth to respond, but closed it at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. I tried to gauge her reaction to what I'd just told her, to see if some of the worry on her face had lessened, but I didn't get a chance before she turned her head to see Ava walk in the kitchen. "Good morning," she greeted her.
"Is that... breakfast?" Ava asked, her eyes wide as she came to stand next to me.
"Yes," I laughed. "Are you hungry?"
"I don't know," she replied, still staring at the food in incredulity. "I'm not used to eating in the morning. Mama never cooks."
Camila frowned at that. "Cooking might not be Mama's strong suit, but she's good at a lot of other things," I told Ava, hoping that small statement didn't add onto my wife's insecurities.
The young girl moved the conversation along, grabbing a plate to help herself to breakfast. "Do we have juice?"
I opened the fridge behind us to look, spotting two different jugs in the back. "Apple or orange?"
Ava hummed, drumming her fingers on the countertop in thought. "Apple," she finally said.
"Good choice." I set the jug of apple juice on the smooth surface in front of me before I went to get a glass from the cabinet. After pouring her a cup, I handed it to her, being rewarded with a 'thank you'. I smiled at her, resting my forearms on the island as I leaned forward. "So, school starts at 8:00, right?"
She nodded, grinning. "Will you take me?"
"Doesn't Mama take you?"
"Well, yeah, but I want you to take me today."
I looked at Camila who tried to seem unbothered by the change of plans, but it was obvious to me that this was only going to add to her insecurities about being a bad mother. "How about we all go?" I suggested.
Ava's face lit up, "Oh. Okay!" I smiled at her and she looked between Camila and I. "So... that means everything's okay-after last night?"
"Everything's fine," I answered, not exactly happy that Camila and I's marriage was something she was concerned about. "I told you that you don't need to worry."
Our daughter hesitated, looking to Camila. "Mama?"
"Your mom is right-don't worry," she said.
"I'm just making sure," Ava told her. "You seemed the most upset during the fight, so... Well, you were the one yelling the most."
"Ava," I chastised her.
"Sorry," she said quickly, taking a sip of her juice.
"No, it's okay." Camila glanced at me before turning to the young girl, "I was upset... and I was angry, and a part of me still is. But we're both here to work on it now and that's what matters most to me."
"What were you so mad about? Sydney?" she asked.
Camila nodded, "You know, it hurt me a lot to be away from your mom. She was gone for a long time and I was really frustrated, I guess, that she was going to leave again. Does that make sense?"
Ava tilted her head slightly, "Sort of. It's just... well, how are you going to work through it when she goes to Sydney?"
My wife turned to me to answer. "Actually," I spoke and Ava looked at me, "I'm staying here."
"No way," she breathed, a grin forming from ear to ear.
"Way," I said, amused. "The office is kind of far from our house. It's all the way in the city, but-" My sentence was cut short when Ava hugged me tight, her reaction surprising me as I hugged back.
She pulled back, fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm so happy. I can't believe this."
"I'm happy, too." I chuckled.
"Really? You aren't going to miss traveling?"
I shook my head no, resting my hand on her shoulder. "Not as much as I would miss you and Mama. I think it's time for me to solely focus on our family, don't you agree?" She nodded enthusiastically. "I got to where I wanted to be in my career and now it's time for me to get to where I want to be with our family. Mama and I have a lot to work through and you and I have a lot of catching up to do. I can't do all of that while traveling."
"I like that idea," she beamed.
"Well, now that we're talking about it," I began, a bit nervous to ask my next question. "I know that I was gone for a long time so it's important to me that we can discuss the time we spent apart. How do you feel about it?"
She paused, thinking about it, and I could feel the anxiety rising in me. I knew Camila was upset with me, but I wasn't sure how I would take it if my own daughter was upset with me, too. Eventually, she spoke up, "I don't know... I mean, I definitely missed you, but I don't feel angry with you for going on the trip. We talked on the phone all the time, so you still felt there for me even though you weren't here." I listened carefully, feeling more relieved by the second. "And Mama always made sure that I had everything I needed. I know I was a handful at times."
"You were not," Camila replied.
Ava chuckled at that, giving her a knowing look. "Do you not remember the time you had to leave work in the middle of the day because I forgot my science project at home? Or the time I woke you up at like two in the morning, crying about some boy in my class?"
"You weren't being a handful," Camila dismissed her earlier thought. "I'm always going to be here for you."
"I know," Ava smiled. "I also remember you calling Aunt Dinah like fifty times to wake her up that night."
Camila laughed at that, sipping on her coffee. "Well, we ran out of tissue and we didn't have any ice cream. Someone had to get it."
Ava looked to me, amused. "See? Always making sure I had everything I needed, even at the expense of Aunt Dinah's sleep."
I met eyes with Camila, happy to see their interaction. "She's a good mom."
Ava nodded at that while Camila gave me a small smile, and I hoped she was feeling better about her relationship with our daughter.
"Okay, I have to get ready now," the young girl stated, taking one last bite of her food before she disappeared upstairs.
My eyes wandered to where my wife was, her hands gripping her mug as she stared down. I was really concerned with what she had said before Ava came to join us, so I spoke up.
"Are you... um, when do you have to go to work?" I asked.
Camila met my gaze, her eyebrows furrowed. "I always take a couple of days off when you come home. You know that."
"I don't know. I was starting to doubt it earlier," I admitted. "You just seem... less confident in us. So, I wasn't sure if things would be different this time around."
She took a few moments to respond, trying to find the right words to say. "I'm just scared. This has been our life for so long-you traveling and me staying home-and now it's about to change. Don't get me wrong, I want you to stay here and I'm so happy you don't have to be gone anymore... but I'm scared that this could be too big of a change for you. What if it's not how you remembered it to be? What if you hate it?"
"Why would I hate it?"
"You hate routine, Lauren, and that's what a life at home is. You wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, go to sleep, and the cycle repeats itself. I know you," she breathed. "You can't be happy living that way."
"But I love you, Camila," I said. "I love waking up with you and going to work just so I can come home and see you again. I love having dinner with you, whether it's something I cooked, or take-out. I love going to sleep next to you," I paused, "and I love that the cycle repeats itself. There's nothing routine about having you in my life. I fall for you more and more everyday. I wish you could just trust me on that," I sighed. "I know it's going to take time, I just... I don't want you to lose hope for us. It's going to be different and maybe a little hard, but I'm here to stay."
Camila stayed silent for a while before she got out of her seat and walked to stand in front of me. Her eyes studied me, searching my face for any signs of uncertainty or hesitance before she nodded slightly and enveloped me in a hug, her hands resting delicately on my back. "I trust you," she murmured in my ear.
I closed my eyes at the sound of that, feeling relief flood through me, and tightened my hold on her. "I'm not going to let you down," I said.
She leaned back at that, our eyes meeting. "I know you aren't."
It was quiet for a few seconds before she moved to kiss me, her lips lingering on mine to draw it out. When we parted, she grasped my hand, intertwining our fingers.
A small smile found its way to my face at the intimate gesture, my gaze fixed on our hands before I spoke. "We should put some clothes on. If I remember correctly, Ava hates being late to school."
Camila chuckled at that, "You definitely remember correctly. The last time I made her late, she didn't talk to me for two days."
"Well, we don't want that happening again," I grinned. "Come on, then."
The brunette followed me as we made our way to our bedroom to dress ourselves. Since none of my bags were unpacked yet, I decided to wear something of Camila's, who had already laid an outfit out the night before.
Though she had her morning routine down, on account of doing it everyday, I was struggling a little more. Being on time was never my strong suit, but that was quite obvious now that I was rushing around my very calm and collected wife. I knew time was running out before we had to leave, so I was trying to freshen up as fast as possible. However, when the sound of Ava's voice rang through our room as she called out 'Moms!', it meant one thing: it was time to go.
-
"Did you bring the wine?" I asked.
Camila held it up in her right hand before looking at Ava. "I can't believe you forgot to tell us you made plans for us to come over to Normani's for dinner." The young girl reached into her jacket pocket, saying an 'I'm sorry' as she pulled a key out. Camila furrowed her eyebrows, "What's that for?"
Without giving an answer, Ava put it in the doorknob in front of us and opened the door to Normani's home. I matched Camila's confused expression. "Why do you have a key to Aunt Mani's house?"
But I didn't get an answer before we were greeted by Normani's dog, Preslee, at the door, Ava bending down immediately to play with her.
My wife and I shared a puzzled look as we all stepped into her home and shut the door behind us, waiting for someone other than Normani's dog to appear.
Sure enough, her husband, Sean, rounded a corner, his arms open wide. After saying our quick hellos, he led us into the dining room. "The twins had dance practice tonight, so they couldn't make it-sorry, Ava. But the food is almost ready. Normani is just finishing up the last of it."
"I'll go help," I said, smiling at them before walking into the kitchen.
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you," Normani said, both of her hands stirring different pots.
"Need some help, I assume?"
She huffed, moving out of the way so I could stand next to her and stir. "I love my husband, but he can be so useless when it comes to things like this."
"I understand," I chuckled. "God, I haven't been here in forever. I love your home-it's so nice."
She laughed at that, "My home is nice? Lauren, my entire townhouse is the size of your entry way."
"Oh, whatever," I grinned. "At least you live in the city. Try living an hour away from everything."
"Well, why don't you move back here if you miss it so much?" she asked, amused.
I watched as she tasted the sauce she was making, her hand reaching for the salt to add it into the mix. "Camila likes where we live," I simply answered.
"But you don't?"
"No, I like it there," I replied. "It's just that moving to another suburb wasn't exactly in my plans when I was younger," I giggled. "But things change."
That seemed to catch her attention, her brown eyes focusing on mine. "Do you think you'll ever move back here?"
"Probably not. Camila's happy there. I wouldn't trade that for the city."
"Oh, right," she smiled. "I almost forgot about the perfect marriage you have."
My eyebrows rose in response, "Well, it's definitely not perfect," I lifted the spoon to Normani's mouth so she could taste, "but we're still in love, so we must be doing something right."
She nodded, a grin on her face, "Must be." Her expression changed to one of satisfaction as she swallowed the sauce. "It's ready."
Normani and I took a moment to prepare everyone's plates before bringing everything to the table, where the rest of our family was waiting.
"Looks great, babe," Sean said.
"It really does, Normani," Camila added, giving her a soft smile.
Normani and I took our seats at the table before she responded, "Hopefully it tastes that way."
There was a collective chuckle that answered her comment, followed by forks hitting plates. Sean reached for his glass of wine, his deep voice filling the air. "So, how have you been adjusting to being back at home?"
I met his eyes, swallowing a piece of food before answering, "Great! Yeah, it's been nice to spend time with Camila and everything. I really missed her."
"Aww," Normani cooed.
"And me!" Ava interjected, all of us turning to her.
I smiled at the comment, agreeing, "And Ava! That goes without saying."
"So, what about you, Camila?" Normani addressed her, "How is it having Lauren back?"
"Um, it's been good. I'm glad I'm able to able to see her now without having to look at a screen," she chuckled.
"I'll miss looking at that apartment, though. It was so cool," Ava sighed.
Sean's eyebrows rose in slight surprise, "You had an apartment there?"
"Yes. Well, the first two months, they had me in a hotel. But they kept extending my time there, so they rented me an apartment."
"That's crazy. I would've loved to live in Singapore for a while," he shook his head, "and now you're going to Sydney. You officially have the coolest life out of all my friends."
"Oh," I said, "I actually turned the Sydney trip down."
Normani gave me a questioning look. "Really?" she asked. She was the first one I told when my boss mentioned the trip and, naturally, had to stay on the phone for three hours to calm me down.
"Yeah," I answered.
Sean looked confused, "Why?"
"There were a lot of reasons," I responded.
"Wow, so you're going to be here for more than a month this time around?" Normani asked. I nodded.
Sean leaned back in his chair, studying me. "That's kind of an insane opportunity you gave up."
"Sean," Normani gritted through her teeth.
"What?" He raised his hands up in defense, "I'm just saying."
"I've been back and forth from my family to my career for too long now, so it wasn't really a hard decision to make," I tried to explain.
Normani rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed at her husband's honesty, "Just ignore him."
"I'm sorry," he spoke up. "I didn't mean to offend you-"
"You didn't," I interrupted, hoping he understood that. "Really, don't be sorry." Deciding this was becoming too touchy of a topic, I changed the subject. "So, Mani, how's the new job been?"
The hostess quickly jumped into discussing her new occupation, her eyes bright and her hand movements animated to show her obvious excitement, and everyone seemed to relax more now that the topic of my career wasn't being debated. I was happy just to sit there and listen about someone else's life for once.
Somewhere in all the talk, my hand found itself on Camila's thigh, resting comfortably. My wife and I exchanged a smile at the small touch, and not a second later, her hand rested atop mine, the contact making the familiar feeling of not knowing how to breathe return. It just felt so unreal to be near her again, to be able to sit next to her at dinner, to be present. I was so grateful that I was able to be here. I was so grateful she never gave up on me.
When everyone finished their dinner, Ava immediately left the table. She had been making playful faces at Normani's dog all night and couldn't wait to be near her. She'd always wanted a dog of her own, so seeing them together made me second-guess the thought that it would be too much work. I was going to be home more often now, after all. The least she deserved was a pet to call her own.
The rest of us chatted for a while longer before Normani got up to collect everyone's dishes.
"Oh, let me help," Camila said, starting to rise from her seat.
She was stopped by Sean, who stood up instead. "I've got it," he smirked. "Teamwork, right, babe?"
The hostess chuckled, her eyes gleaming at the term of endearment. "Sure, babe."
The two of them disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Camila and I on our own. She met my eyes, wearing a content expression.
"Did you have a good time?" I asked.
"Of course," she replied. "It's always so nice to see them." I nodded in agreement, and we fell into a comfortable silence. Camila started to play with my hand that was resting on her thigh and I didn't think anything of it until she brought it up to her lips, planting a small kiss there. I smiled at her, opening my mouth to ask what that was for, but before I could, Camila answered, "I missed you."
Hearing her say that didn't get old to me. She always made me feel loved and wanted. Knowing she cared enough to tell me I was missed over and over again felt otherworldly. I never knew loving someone so much was possible, but what I felt for her grew everyday. "I'm really glad I'm here with you," I told her, hoping such a simple statement like that could help her begin to understand my feelings.
"Me too," she replied, pausing for a second before leaning in.
I met our lips happily, and I couldn't help but smile when she captured my bottom lip in the perfect way. It was soft, but meaningful-something to solidify our fondness of each other.
"Are we interrupting?" I heard Normani say. We parted to see her and Sean standing there with large grins on their faces, both of them looking very pleased with themselves.
Ava joined them, rolling her eyes at our affection, "They've been doing this all day."
I blushed at that, "Sorry."
Sean was the first to laugh at Ava's expression, Normani soon joining in, and I tried not to embarrass my daughter more than I already had as we wrapped the night up.
-
I had just put Ava to bed when I walked back into my bedroom, noticing Camila half asleep on our own. I sat next to her on the edge of the bed, putting my hand over hers, and she hummed in response, obviously tired from the day.
"I want to show you something," I whispered.
Camila held back a groan, rubbing at her eyes, "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"
"It's a gift."
She seemed to wake up more at those words, her head tilting in confusion. "A gift?"
"Yeah," I answered. "It's not much, but-"
"Is it a t-shirt?"
My lips quirked upward at her inquiry. "A t-shirt?" I repeated, noting how happy she was about the possibility.
"Yeah, from Singapore?"
"Well... no," I replied. "Would you have wanted a t-shirt?"
Camila gave me a knowing look, "Everyone loves t-shirts, Lauren."
A small chuckle left my lips, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Okay, so what is it?" she asked.
I could feel it becoming harder to swallow, the nervousness of what I was about to do settling it. "It's in my study."
"Can't you bring it here?" she pouted. "I'm too comfortable to get up."
"It's kind of heavy-" I scratched at the back of my neck uncomfortably, "actually, yeah. I'll just bring it to you." I got up a bit too sudden, certain I could hear my own heart beating. As I walked to my study, I began to wonder how she would react. This was more than twenty years of stuff. I just-I didn't know what to expect.
Looking at the large box filled with my leather-bound journals, I began to wonder if this was even a good idea. I'd kept them to myself for so long-was it the right time to show her?
Taking a deep breath, I realized it was silly to be this nervous. She was my wife-of eighteen years, might I add-and I should be able to share this with her. I wanted to.
So, I took the large box into my own arms and carried it into our room. Camila sat up in our bed, a confused look on her face. Her forehead was creased as she tried to make sense of what it could be.
"What's this?" she asked, trying to fix her messy bun out of habit. I sat in the same place as before and set the box beside her. She studied it for a second before her eyes widened. "Are these your journals?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "All of them."
Camila paused, looking at them for a while before setting her eyes on me. "You're going to let me finally see what you've been writing about for all these years?" She smirked.
I gave a 'mhm' in response, too anxious over her reaction to actually speak now that her hands had reached one of them. When she opened it and started to read, her smirk disappeared. I wondered which one she had, which time period she was reading about. It could've been anything: when we first met, when I found out she was pregnant, when we were in college together, when we moved into this house, when we broke up for the first time, when I asked her to marry me. It was all centered around her.
Camila flipped through the pages before picking up another one, and then another, and then another. Finally, she stopped, realizing what I'd given to her. Her brown eyes were filled with tears when they met mine, her hands gripping the journal in her hand. "You wrote about me?" she asked, her voice quiet. "All of those years, you wrote about me?"
I gave a slight shrug at her question, the answer coming immediately to me. "You're the only thing worth writing about."
She looked back at the journal she was holding, sniffling as a few tears fell. "You loved me since the beginning," she whispered, trying to process everything. "Through everything."
"Through everything," I repeated, watching as she looked at the pile of journals around her. "I'm sorry if I blindsided you," I said, noticing her silence.
Her eyes met mine, widening at the apology. "No, that's not it-"
"I just..." I continued, "I want you to know how much I want to be here, home with you. I don't ever want you to think that I'd rather do anything other than be by your side. Ever since I've met you, you've been my number one priority. You're my soulmate, Camila, and I love you." She reached for my hand and I let her take it, hoping that what I was saying resonated with her. "I know we have to work on us and I know it's not always going to be easy, but I'm here to stay. I've always been here to stay."
Her lips met mine in a timid kiss as she leaned forward, her free hand resting on my cheek as she stroked it with her thumb. When we parted, she took a deep breath, wiping at her tears before grasping both of my hands in her own. "I love you, too," she said, her brown eyes staring into mine. "So much," she added.
"Through everything?" I grinned.
Camila smiled at me, a small chuckle leaving her lips. "Through everything," she confirmed before leaning forward once again to seal the conversation with a kiss.
-