One and Only

Part 10

One and Only - Chapter Ten

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Camila's POV
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Lauren and I hadn't talked since last night. It was just silence between us. We drank our coffee in silence, ate our breakfast in silence, drove to work in silence, and sat at our desks in silence. It was driving me insane.
I didn't regret kissing my best friend last night, but I did regret the aftermath-the pulling away, the walking back home alone, and the awkwardness. I didn't know what she was thinking and that's what bothered me the most. Eventually, I had just started to avoid all sorts of contact with her, including eye contact. I guess she caught on to that because at every chance she got, she was up and walking around-making copies and going on coffee runs. I was about to go crazy from the quiet.
The girls knew something was up, too. They sat with us, making awkward conversation to ease the tension. Lauren and I tried to participate, laughing along every once in a while, but we never spoke. I knew there was something between us-there had to be. I could see it on her face last night... That was, until she pulled away from me.
It was time for our lunch break and the girls had decided they wanted to go out and eat together as a group. I didn't look at Lauren but I knew there was visible discomfort on her face. There were very few times her and I didn't eat lunch together on our own. I guess this was going to be one of them.
I noticed Dinah watching me very carefully and as the girls got up to leave, she motioned for me to stay. Lauren, Ally, and Normani didn't question it as they all walked away without us. My guess was that they could all understand what she was going to talk to me about.
"What's going on?" Dinah asked, arching her eyebrow in a "I-know-something's-up-and-you-better-tell-me" type of way.
I anxiously looked around to see if anyone was close enough to hear us. When I made sure no one else was listening, I told her, "I kissed Lauren!" There. I finally said it. It had been bothering me all day. I felt a weight lift off of my chest.
Dinah's eyes widened as she leaned in. "What?" She whispered, alarmed.
"And now it's weird and I just really hope I didn't fuck things up and I don't know what to do!" The words scattered out of my mouth. "I've been wanting to kiss her forever and last night I just couldn't take it anymore so I did. I kissed her and now I think I've ruined everything but I just needed to do it. I need her to know how I feel."
"Camila..." She said, a frown on her face. "You and Lauren have really different ideas of what you want your future to look like... She's never had a long-term relationship."
"I know, Dinah, but I don't care."
"Look, the last thing she would ever want to do is hurt you, but... you know how she is." She looked at me with sympathy.
"I love her." I blurted out.
"I know, but-"
"No, Dinah. I love her." I watched as Dinah gaped at me.
"Camila..." was all she said, and I just couldn't help it. I started crying.
"Oh, my God, I'm in love with her." I think I even surprised myself. I had turned into one of those pathetic girls-the ones that I'd seen so many of. I loved Lauren Jauregui and there was no way she'd ever love me back. I knew that and I would never ask her to, but there was something there. I felt it. I had been feeling it for so long and now I just needed to act on it. Yes, I love her. I'm in love with her.
"Okay, we're gonna talk about this." Dinah said, panic in her voice. "We're going to figure this out. You and me, okay?" I nodded. "All right, so the kiss. That happened. How was that?"
"She kissed me back... Well, the second time."
"You kissed her twice?"
"I kissed her and wanted to see if she was going to stop me. She didn't stop me, so I kissed her again." I explained, the tears beginning to stop.
"What stopped her?"
"She stopped when I was getting more into it. She said that I knew she wasn't the right one for me... That I deserved better."
"Oh." Dinah looked apprehensive, her gaze falling to her hands.
"That's bad, isn't it? Fuck."
"No, no!" She looked back up at me. "It's sweet, kind of. She doesn't want to hurt you."
"She's not going to hurt me."
Dinah gave me a knowing look. "Mila, think about it."
I huffed. "You're the only always saying you want us to be together. There has to be something there. What, you don't think she likes me?"
"No, she loves you. I just don't know if it's in the same way you love her."
"There's only one way to find out."
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The rest of the day went by painfully slow. Dinah kept staring at me like I was the most fragile girl in the world and I hated it. That was the way I used to look at Lauren's girlfriends when I knew she was about to break up with them. That was the way I looked at Gabrielle when she confessed her love for Lauren to me.
I sighed, remembering Gabrielle. She probably hated me. After all, I had broken them up without even trying. But she also saw something between us, and that made me relax a little. I hoped Gabrielle was right about what she said. I hoped Lauren loved me.
I was home alone now since I had decided to walk home without even telling Lauren. I hadn't spoken to her all day or even glanced in her direction. I was too nervous that I would fall apart.
I heard a knock at my door followed by incessant pounding. Getting up, I opened it, immediately being pushed to the side by Normani and Ally. Dinah guiltily followed in after them. "Um, hi?" I greeted.
"You love Lauren?" Normani gasped, her arms crossed.
I felt my mouth drop. "Dinah, what the fuck?"
"I'm sorry!" She apologized, hiding her face. I shouldn't have expected anything else. Dinah tells them everything.
"So, it's true?" Normani followed, anxious to hear my answer.
I walked over to the couch, plopping down on it with a sigh. The girls surrounded me, each sitting by me, leaning in to hear me speak. "Yes," I admitted. Ally and her gasped again. "It's not like I chose to."
"What are you going to do?" Ally asked, concerned. She put a reassuring hand on my knee as my head fell into my hands.
"I don't know. I've never fallen in love with my best friend before." I whined.
"Maybe it's just like... some confusion because of your sudden breakup with Adam-" Normani tried to reason.
"Normani, no!" I yelled unexpectedly, my eyes shooting up to glare at her. "I'm not confused."
Dinah's leg was shaking nervously this whole time. "Guys," she addressed Normani and Ally, "I have to tell her what I think."
Normani widened her eyes. "D, no. That's not going to help the situation."
"I don't know, Mani. She could be right." Ally said.
"Um, hi." I raised my hand slightly. "Still here."
Dinah looked at Normani who gave her a silent 'go-for-it' look. "Camila, you know Lauren the best-out of anyone, ever. She lets you see the parts of her no one else has ever seen. She doesn't trust easily and definitely does not love easily, but she does with you. You're the only one she really cares about. She'd drop anything-and anyone-for you." She smiled. "What I'm trying to say is, I don't think it would be impossible for her to feel the same way you do."
"But-" Normani cut in. "we'll be here if she doesn't." Ally nodded in agreement, and I felt extremely grateful.
"Thanks, guys." I sighed. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."
We heard keys fumbling and all of our eyes shot to the door, which was opening. I glanced at Ally nervously.
Lauren walked in, stopping for a second after shutting the door, taking in all of the company in our loft. She grinned. "Hey, what are you guys doing here?"
The girls stuttered before Dinah could get a sentence out. "Camila invited us over, right?"
"Uh, sure." I said, the girls nodding.
Lauren sat down in the chair opposite from us, the one Adam sat in when he told her about California. We sat quietly for a while.
"Are you going out tonight?" Normani asked, breaking the silence. They watched Lauren tentatively, but I couldn't look at her. I couldn't bear to hear her say yes.
"I don't know." She said. I looked up, watching her shrug. Her eyes were on me. "I don't think I am."
"What?" Dinah said. "Lauren Jauregui isn't going out tonight? Did something make you change your mind? Have a new girlfriend?"
She didn't get a chance to answer before Normani spoke up. "Or maybe you're taking a break from dating? Anything like that?"
"Perhaps you're interested in someone?" Ally suggested.
I glared at all of them. Way to be subtle. My blood was boiling. My anger subsided into anxiety when I saw Lauren look at me, her green eyes narrowing.
She didn't reply for a couple of moments, the girls lowering their heads in shame. Lauren shifted her legs, crossing them. "How's the baby, Dinah?" She asked, changing the subject.
No one dared to hint at anything else, jumping into conversation about Dinah's plans. I glanced at Lauren who was studying me. I almost melted under her gaze. My attention was brought to the door once again when someone knocked at it. Ally got up, everyone's eyes on her, as she opened the door. A girl rushed in. She looked a little familiar.
"Wow, there's certainly a lot of people coming in uninvited today." I noted.
"What the hell is this, Lauren?" The girl screamed, infuriated. Oh, this was an old girlfriend. Of course.
"Hi, Lindsey." Lauren greeted her, unfazed.
"Have you turned the place into a brothel now?" She seethed. Normani and Dinah were glaring at her. Ally blushed.
Lauren didn't answer the question. "It's nice to see you. What are you doing here?"
Lindsey walked over to her. "I want you back." She dropped to her knees, pleading for Lauren.
The girls started arguing with her, yelling at her to get out. Lindsey was switching in between groveling and screaming back at them. The whole thing was very loud.
I frowned, upset. Was this going to be me in a couple of weeks? Lonely, desperate for Lauren? I took a shaky breath at the realization, locking eyes with Lauren. She stood up and the whole loft went silent. She walked toward the kitchen counter, her heels making noise against the floor, and poured herself a glass of wine. The glass made its way to her lips as she took a sip, setting it down on the counter. She glanced to the crowd in our home who were watching her every move. "I want everyone to leave." Dinah started to protest, attempting to make a funny remark, but Lauren interrupted her. "Everyone but Camila, get out."
Lindsey staggered to her feet and the four women left immediately. I winced when the door shut. We were now alone. "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked.
She took another sip of her wine. "Just the two of us or are we going to have the girls over again to interrogate me?"
"They weren't..." I began, but I looked away as she raised her eyebrows at me. She was right.
"Let's watch the movie." She said.
She turned the lights off and I got up as if it was a command, putting a random DVD in. I didn't even look-I just wanted something to distract us. I turned around, noticing her on the couch. I awkwardly sat down in the chair.
"Do I bite?" She asked.
"I wish." I blushed, but she didn't hear me.
"Since when do we not cuddle during a movie?" Lauren looked over at me and I shrugged. "Come here." She frowned.
I blundered toward the couch as the movie was starting, sitting down next to her. We didn't touch, keeping our hands in our individual laps.
No one was laughing or talking or anything. I looked over at her timidly. Her face was set, like she was in deep thought over something. I couldn't take the silence anymore. If I didn't do something now, this was all our friendship was ever going to be-awkward and filled with tension. I spoke up. "Do you remember when you told me that if I wanted something, then I should just take it?" She glanced over at me, her emerald eyes shining from the flashing images on the television. She nodded. My hand shakily made its way to hers, grasping it. "I know what I want." I whispered and she tensed.
It was quiet for a while as I just stared at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Lauren cleared her throat. "I don't want to fuck you up." She said, sadness in her beautiful eyes.
"You're not going to."
She shook her head, looking away for a moment and then back at me. "You don't know that, Camila."
I inched closer to her, twisting my body a little to face her. "Do you like me?" I asked, fighting internally with myself over whether or not I wanted to know her answer.
Lauren exhaled deeply. "I've never wanted someone so much before."
I stroked her cheek, her eyes closing under my touch. My heart fluttered. When she opened her eyes again, they looked at my lips. I moved closer to her. "Can I kiss you?" I asked.
"No one's ever asked me that before."
I frowned, knowing just how true that was. Everyone always just assumed Lauren wanted to be with them. The pad of my thumb brushed against her cheek again. "Can I?"
She nodded. "...Okay." She agreed, her voice uneasy.
I kissed her lightly for a couple of seconds before I pulled away, making sure she was comfortable with this. "Was that okay?" She nodded and I felt nervous again. I was kissing my best friend-my very attractive, sexy best friend. I took a deep breath, connecting our lips once more. She soon took control though as I felt her pull me into her lap. I straddled her, immersing myself into her passion. I'd never kissed someone like this before. I felt her tongue brush across my bottom lip and opened my lips slightly, relishing in the way she explored my mouth. Her arms wrapped around my waist, drawing me closer to her. There were seven years of tension put into that kiss, my own hand eventually snaking up into her brown locks and pulling her on top of me as I now laid on the couch. She grabbed my hands when I tried to take her shirt off, interlinking our fingers together. I was a little relieved she didn't go through with having sex with me right now, because to be honest, I was nervous at my lack of experience. She cupped my face with one of her hands, bringing me closer to her. I heard myself moan, now afraid she was going to pull away, but she didn't. In fact, it only increased her fervor.
We kissed for a while longer before it slowed down with small pecks. She pulled away, looking down at me with a small smile, before she kissed the tip of my nose, sitting upright and pulling her with me. I placed my legs over hers, my back resting against the arm of the couch.
"That was..."
"Amazing?"
"Yeah." I breathed. "So, what does this mean? ...For us." I regretted asking as soon as it came out of my mouth. I knew Lauren hated these conversations. Before she could even respond, I spoke again. "No, never mind. You don't have to answer that."
"I don't?" She raised her eyebrows.
"No. Of course not."
She smirked at me for a while as if she knew what I was going to say next.
"Okay, maybe a little. But only because it's going to drive me crazy if I don't have some idea of what's happening between us. You can't blame a girl for wondering and you know I always overthink. I know you say not to overthink, but it's not that easy. It's just that... well, this is all new, you know? We've known each other for so long and now this is happening, but I don't know what's happening-I just know that something's happening." I was almost out of breath from speaking so fast. "And-well-I really like you. I mean, the past couple of months have just been so confusing but I'm not confused anymore. I know what I want and it's you and-" She leaned forward, capturing my lips with hers. That calmed me down. When she pulled away, I blinked at her. "I'm not ever going to get used to that."
She laughed, the sound I'd missed so much filling the room again. "Well, Camz, what do you want?"
I shrugged, shyly playing with her fingers. "I want you to want me." I mumbled. I could feel her staring at me, but I just stared at her hands.
Lauren sighed and I prepared myself for rejection. "Camila, you have no idea how long I've wanted you." My eyes shot up to meet hers. What does she mean how long? "But you know that I'm not..." She ran her free hand through her hair, shrugging. "I'm not good."
"Lauren." I protested.
"Camila." She frowned. "I don't know why you're trying to deny that. You've seen how I am." Lauren grasped my hand that was fidgeting with her fingers. "I'm bad for you."
"You're not bad for me. I know you, Lauren-better than anyone. You're good." I reassured her. "Let me show you just how good you are."
Lauren nodded and I felt relieved, once again hopping into her lap and planting a kiss on her lips, followed by small pecks. Her mesmerizing eyes stared up at me when I pulled back. "I've wanted this for so long... I've wanted you."
I wrapped my arms around her, resting my head on her shoulder. She rubbed my back. "You got me." I grinned. "And baby, I got you."
She laughed in my ear. "Are we Sonny and Cher now?"
"We're whatever you want us to be."
Lauren tightened her hold on me. "I got you, babe." She whispered, kissing my hair lightly.
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