Various X Male or Non-Binary Reader

I cannot accept

I cannot accept what I have realized.

I realize that I will never get this day back.

I just had the best day of my life. I went outside on a walk with my best friend. With my dogs at my side, these pets I've loved since they entered my life with my best friend who's been in my life since I was in first grade. Who's accepted me since that first day. She's been there even when I told her I thought I might be gay, who didn't say I was a minority of some worldwide carbon copy sorority.
Who didn't tell me I was less of a human being for being, me.

She's always made me feel more real than any comment I've gotten on an insta post, or a single like I've gotten on a Facebook link. I don't want to be another link in this chain leading no where. Where we put more care into our hair that our hearts. Paying more attention to another persons body parts than the hurt in the worlds broken natural arts.

I was walking with my friend and we went past a small field in my home town, where we saw the most beautiful tree. A tree is seen almost every day, but for some reason I felt that today was a more important day where I needed to stay and look at this natural beauty known as a tree. Now this tree was huge, a flowering tree that gave off the smell of something free. The smell of apple blossoms always made me blossom. I'd take in that smell and could already tell I felt free. Free of a fraction of burden, moving the curtain  to feel the sunlight on my skin.

I looked at those beautiful white blossoms, that made me blossom into a happier person. And I smiled. I'm not gonna lie I haven't smiled often. It's been lessened by the pressure I've been given, hurting from some other person.

So it felt good to smile.

I felt so happy, with my best friend Ashley by my side. My beautiful, friend by my side. My dog Harvey panting at my side smiling in his own dogish way showing me he was happy to get away from the yard he saw everyday. My other dog Jenna watching the light filter through the tree feeling just as free as me. Watching with melting brown eyes the way the sun filtered into her bright eyes. My shoulders bearing no burden. I was hurting. Ashley smiled reaching for the branches, just inches from her grasp of the ever reaching blossoms of this beautiful tree.

I felt my grin broaden as I saw them.  She picked one flower just as beautiful as the rest, not the best but beautiful none the less. I couldn't feel less beautiful when she smiled and placed it behind my ear and ruffled my hair letting the spring air run through the mess of my locks. I felt the need to lock this memory away treasure this present of the present.

I looked through the branches of that tree, the ones that reached higher than I could from my place on the ground. Where I had found this beautiful memory that'd I'd think of tonight, where I'd fight that sad smile, knowing I'd never have a moment as perfect as that. I'd never see that tree the same ever again.

I'd always remember it as the tree I stood under with my best friend. The tree that I under hoping that the memory would never end. The tree I stood beneath with my best friend is by far the most beautiful place to me now. I cannot frown when I think of this memory a permanent revery of the beauty I saw with my dogs and my best friend. That memory I hoped would never end.

I realize it had to come to an end. Because I had to go home, and I had to let my best friend go home to leave me alone the way I am now. When I can't stop smiling before realizing; I will never get to experience that memory again.

My best friend may never come back to my town, as she lives five hours away. Almost one fifth of a days travel to a city I'd seen maybe twice in my life.

One of my dogs may die tomorrow. I'll be riddled with sorrow thinking, I can never go back to that place because I'll think of my dog; who I have spent so much time with.

That tree might get cut down next time I leave my home town. And I'll never see the beauty of that apple tree ever again. Think of that memory with my friend and my dogs- who just so happen to hog my spot on my bed right now.

That memory means the world to me as I will never experience that memory ever again. My friend will never look the same as that day, my dogs will never act the same as that day, and that tree will never blossom as beautiful as it did that day.

I cannot accept that something so simple to top off. Is the memory I opt to remember as, the best day of my life.

That I will never experience that memory again. I cannot feign the worry I feel knowing that memory will never be as real as it was then.

I cannot accept...
That I will never experience that again.