The Author Games: Literature

Task Two: Scores

Well, that round was... interesting, to say the least. We really did not expect the tides to be turned so quickly. This really showed us which tributes are committed, and who knows their character best. Thank you to all of you who did hand in by the deadline- we really appreciate it.

Due to inconvenient timing, notes will be considerably shorter. We have also decided not to provide notes for those who used extensions because of the delays. We apologize for this inconvenience.

Bonus Points:

Congratulations to Ruby Grace Faberson for submitting the first entry, yet again! You will have .5 added to your final score and an extended feedback.

The "Most Creative Question(s)" award has been given to Marcus Silverhand, for the question, "Where are you planning to bury your sister?". It was fantastic and slightly horrifying that the books revealed this to him. Congratulations! You will have 1 point added to your final score.

District 1 Male: Flame Pheonix Pirkas

Paella's Score: 6.75

Pluto's Score: 7.25

Feedback: Your entry was... disturbing, to say the least. It went in a very different direction than I had expected it to. Despite the numerous mistakes and slightly confusing dialogue, you managed to pack a considerable amount of emotion into it. I would have liked more of what Flame felt inside, though, rather than just his reactions on the outside (not just in the flashback, but throughout the whole entry). Regarding the dialogue, at the beginning of the scene, what Flame and Amber were saying didn't really seem realistic or rational- I would recommend reading the dialogue out loud to see if it sounds right. Something else you should work on is your use of punctuation and capital letters- there were numerous times where they were either nonexistent or incorrectly used. There were additionally multiple times where you switched tenses, which took away from the quality of your entry. Be sure to either stick with 'is' or 'was', keeping past and present separate. You also occasionally switched from third person to first, which was confusing to read.

Final Score: 7

District 1 Female: Ruby Grace Faberson

Paella's Score: 8.5

Pluto's Score: 9.5

Feedback: Wow. This was a real improvement from your last entry! Right off the bat, the beginning hooked me in- it was incredibly powerful. The flashback was relevant and interesting, which was great, but again, there were a few parts in there where I noticed more telling than showing, like when you said, "I hit the floor". To elaborate more on this, try saying something like, "The chilling tiles slammed against my body, pain erupting along the impacted area." This will make your writing much more descriptive. Something I'm also looking for more of is Ruby Grace's emotions. I know she's more or less going for the 'tough' factor, but what is she really feeling deep inside? What does she feel regarding her father? What emotions does the library spark in her? Does lying affect her more than it seems on the outside? Do the white roses catch her off guard in any way? I just want so much more of what she's feeling, and little things here and there help the reader connect with Ruby Grace. Another thing I would like to see a little bit more of is variance in the way you begin your sentences. I noticed many of your sentences began with pronouns, especially 'I', and a little more variance would be nice. There were also a few moments where you switched tenses- be sure to stick with just past or just present. Your punctuation and grammar were both excellent, except for, again, a forgotten period, one confusion of 'its' and 'it's', an unneeded apostrophe, and a missed capital letter at the beginning of a sentence. Just be sure to watch for those tiny errors. One last thing I think you could have done better on was the ending of your entry. It felt a little rushed, and didn't really match the quality of the beginning. Once again, I was searching for more of Ruby Grace's emotions and not finding much.